


Resurgent

by RaucousLibrary



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-28 19:10:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 57,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6341626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaucousLibrary/pseuds/RaucousLibrary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SPOILERS FOR ALLEGIANT. The war is over and they have won but at what cost? All of Chicago has to pick up the pieces of their shattered reality. And so does Tobias. He lost everything when Tris went to destroy The Bureau’s Memory Serum, when she confronted David.  They all believe Tris and David to be dead. But David isn’t done with her, not yet.  A Fix-It Fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome guys. Obviously comments/reviews would be super helpful, I haven't actually posted a fic in a long time. The first 20+ chapters of this fic are written and I will be posting one a week as I continue to write and edit. Enjoy!

Chapter 1  
Tobias

When the truck pulls up I want to run into the Bureau. I hadn’t really wanted to go to Chicago but our families needed the antidote to the memory serum, just in case. I had wanted to stay here at the Bureau with Tris, so that as soon as it happened I would be there for her. Caleb may be a faithless Erudite but he is the last of her family. Was the last of her family, I remind myself. I shake my head as I jump down from the truck and slam the door shut. I immediately start jogging around the truck, heading towards the Bureau’s entrance and leaving the others behind. 

Cara is standing at the door, perfectly still, maybe even too still. She doesn’t even smile at me when she sees me. In fact, her face is tight. That doesn’t make any sense. We had succeeded. The virus wasn’t dropped in Chicago, they…Caleb had done it. I open my mouth to ask her what happened but she holds up her hand to stop me. “Tobias.” She begins with clipped tones but there is tension in her neck as though she is fighting to master herself. “I’m…You should come with me.” Her voice breaks slightly as she turns away but heat floods my chest and fills my limbs. 

I’m not sure what, but I know that something is wrong. That knowledge paralyzes my legs so I reach out and grab her upper arm, trying to get her to look at me. “Cara.” I press, trying to keep my own voice even. “What has happened?” She doesn’t answer right away and I search her face for an answer, looking back for a moment at Christina, once a Candour. They’re supposed to be able to know the truth just from body language. Christina’s face is blank. She’s looking past Cara and I to the Bureau. I turn, following her gaze and I see him, sitting just inside the door. I push past Cara and move forward, it feels like I’m falling but I stay upright as I yank the door open and stand in front of him, unable to find words. 

He looks up at me, his face is pale, paler even than Tris. His eyes are wide but it is like he cannot see me. We stare at each other. My heart starts to race in my chest, threatening to break out of it, but I still cannot summon words. They hadn’t dropped the memory serum over Chicago but here sits Caleb, Tris’ traitor brother who was supposed to have redeemed himself. How did they stop the serum if not Caleb? Fear overwhelms me and sticks in my throat as my hands clench into fists. Caleb blinks as if he can finally see me. “Four.” His voice is light, like air, like sinking into a simulation. “Tris.”

“Where?” I growl, my voice finally coming back to me. People around us have stopped, I can feel them staring in my periphery but I hardly care. My worst nightmare is already unfolding almost as vividly as a simulation. What had she done?

Caleb’s hand shakes as he raises it and points behind me. I turn to see a sign pointing towards the infirmary. Hope leaps inside of me and I whip away from Caleb, starting to run, weaving in and out of the people around us. I realize as I run that the Bureau technicians look dazed. That was it then, the memory serum…they had set the serum off here, protecting Chicago. They really did it. Only it wasn’t Caleb. _Oh god Tris…_

I reach the infirmary, throwing the doors open and looking around with wide eyes. There are too many, too many people, too many injured still. “Where is Tris?” My voice is tight and dry as I look one way and then the other. No one answers me, some looking at me with those glazed eyes. I am suddenly infuriated by their blankness. “Where is Beatrice Prior?” I demand in a yell, slamming my hand down on a counter. 

“Tobias.” I whip around and see Mathew standing there, his hands raised up, another gesture I find infuriating. Is he trying to show me he’s unarmed, as though I’m some kind of wild animal? Or is he trying to pacify me?

I don’t want to be pacified. “Where?” I demand, blood rushing in my ears. I just want someone to tell me where the hell Tris is.

Mathew tilts his head walks ahead of me, leading me towards a door. He doesn’t say a ward and the silence scorches. I feel like I’m burning alive. Mathew pushes the door open and stands back to let me in ahead of him. There is a form on a table, covered in entirety by a white cloth. I freeze, stopping just inside the doorway shaking my head. “Where’s Tris?” I whisper. 

“She’s there, Tobias,” Mathew whispers to me gently. I don’t look at him, my jaw locking. “She’s gone. I’m sorry.”

_No, no, no…_

That’s all I can think. It can’t be true, Mathew can’t be right. That form, that still, still form was not her. Not Tris, not first jumper Tris. Not the girl who defended her friend, not the girl that stood up to everyone and anyone who tried to keep her down, not the girl that I love. Not her. “No.” I finally growl, refusing to believe it. They are lying, it isn’t her. It could be anyone! They don’t know her like I do. I’ll prove it isn’t her. I rush forward. 

“Tobias, No!”

I wish that I had listened to him. I wish that I had stopped. I rip back the cloth and I suddenly gag, my legs nearly collapsing under me. I lean on the table, fingers clutching the hard surface to keep myself standing but that puts myself closer to it…to _her_. Blonde hair, her short blonde hair is matted with blood. My eyes travel down to what must have been a face once…her face. _God, no…no!_ There is little left, one eye still remains, it is closed. 

Mathew is by my side, pulling the fabric back up, I grab his wrist hard. “No.” I snarl at him, unable to tear my eyes away from the mess in front of me, my mind barely registering his pained sound at my harsh grip. 

“Tobias –“ 

“No!” it rips out of me again and I realize tears are running down my face and I shake my head violently. “How can you even know that it is her?” I demand

Mathew reaches out towards me. There is something in his hand and I tear my eyes away from the horror in front of me to look at the ID badge in his hand. Clearly printed are her face and her name but my eyes stay on the image of her face. “Found on the body.” Mathew tells me gently. 

I toss my head, refusing the truth. “No.” I repeat, relief slowly seeping into me. “It’s faked…a faked d- victim.” I can’t being myself to even say death. “They planted this on her.” My voice sounds wild even to me and I make no attempt to explain who ‘they’ are. 

“She was also identified by her tattoos.” Mathew’s voice is still infuriatingly gentle. I want to strangle him. I want to beat his head against the wall until it has the same look as the thing on the table. 

The moment of hope is fleeting and the crazed relief slowly leaves me, but still I cannot believe, I cannot make myself believe. “Show me.” I finally say. 

Mathew nods and begins to roll the sheet gently down and I hear a peculiar noise as three birds are revealed on her collarbone. The noise sounds like dying, a rasping wind. I stare at the ink for a few moments before I realize that the sound is me. I can barely breathe. “Her back.” I rasp out, trying to cling to the hope that it wasn’t real, that this was a bad dream, a simulation, anything. 

Mathew’s hands were tender as he rolled the body, her body. I reach my fingers forward and touch first the Abnegation tattoo. That was how she had gotten here. I recalled what I said to her about Caleb’s sacrifice. That she should let him do it if it means he loves her. Damned selfless Stiffs! My beautiful, selfless girl who wouldn’t even let her traitor brother die. 

Tears are blurring my vision as I gently touch the Dauntless flames on her other shoulder. “Be brave, Tris.” 

 

I think it is hours later when I see Caleb and Christina standing in the door. I had finally allowed Mathew to cover Tris again, to hide the damage under the sterile white cloth, but I hadn’t been able to bring myself to leave the room, to leave her behind. It felt like leaving her was leaving my entire life behind, at least the only part of my life that I had ever wanted to cling to. 

Caleb, it seems, had begun to process because his eyes which had been wide and glazed are rimmed with red and his face is splotchy as though he has been crying. Tears are actively running down Christina’s cheeks and she clutches the door frame. 

“I want to see her.” She whispers, her voice dry and her eyes unfocused as she stares at the sheet that covers the body. 

“No.” My voice is like a rebuke as I stand, putting myself in between Tris and Christina. I feel like I am their instructor all over again, and Christina the initiate who I can order around. For the moment, those walls that my role as instructor allow me are a relief. I cannot let her see Tris, not like this. I wish I had not seen. When I think of her now, of climbing the Ferris Wheel, of kissing her that first time, all I can see is… 

I shake my head to clear it and Christina stares at me with fire in her eyes. “I’m not a child, Four, I will see my friend!” She shouts, her angry words turning into sobs. Caleb comes behind her unsurely and puts a hand on her shoulder but she shakes him off. 

I sigh before I speak, barely able to look at Christina. “I need you to trust me…you cannot see her like…like she is. I will make them…” Make them what? There’s barely anything to fix. “I’ll try to sort something…not now, not today.”

“She can’t be dead.” Christina loses control and I step forward, wrapping my arms around her. She may have rejected Caleb but he is a traitor and an Erudite. I’m her faction, as good as her family. She pounds her fists furiously against my chest as she cries, collapsing finally. I can do nothing to comfort her, nothing to ease my pain either. 

Time passes for us like that, I don’t know how long; minutes? Hours? But she does take control of herself or maybe she just has just blown through all of her energy. I don’t know. I look down at her and though her eyes are still open they are glazed and she begins to go limp. I take hold of her arms but they are cold. “Christina,” I mutter softly, giving her a gentle shake. She looks up but doesn’t seem to see me. 

“She needs to rest, she could be going into shock.” I look up at the sound of another voice and see Cara standing in the doorway next to Caleb. She fidgets with her fingers, even her shoulders twitching a little. I give a slight nod to show I’ve heard and nudge Christina who winces slightly. 

I support most of her weight as I guide her towards door and Cara steps forward to help. I look back before we leave, my chest clenching at the thought of leaving Tris alone. What would leaving mean? If I leave this room, leave her on the table, does that mean I have to accept this new reality?

“I’ll stay here.” Caleb offers when he sees my hesitation. He’s almost looking at us but it looks as though he’s looking through us, to something in the past. Maybe he can see Tris in Christina and I, in the members of her faction, her friends. I nod and tear my eyes away from the body on the table. 

Helping Christina along is slow. Every so often she seems to remember to walk but then almost dozes off. “She might be just tired.” Cara rambles, ever the Erudite, trying to rationalize everything. “The last couple of weeks have been –“ 

“I know.” I say firmly, cutting her off. That is enough and Cara is silent for the rest of our slow, laborious walk. 

When we get Christina into her bed, she sniffles a bit and rolls onto her side, away from us. I squeeze her shoulder before looking around the room, my eyes looking for something, anything to busy myself with. I want to go back to Tris but what is the point? 

_She is dead._

I have to keep telling myself. I have to make it a reality. She is not like Uriah, she is not in a coma that she could wake from. Her heart has stopped. Now I don’t know what to do with mine. 

I growl quietly and smack my hand against the wall. I have to go to her. I have to be with her for as long as I can. Maybe I can drag these last moments on. 

That resolves me. I practically flee the room and walk quickly back through The Bureau to the room where Caleb is now hovering by his sister. I feel sympathy flood me. His family is gone now. 

He looks up at me when I stand in the doorway and swallows. It’s clear that he has been crying still but I also see a shadow of fear in his eyes. It used to amuse me that I made him nervous. He knew then that I would protect her better than he ever did. Better than he ever could have. His fear does nothing for me now, because neither of us could keep her safe from herself. Neither of us could keep her safe from her selflessness and bravery. 

Caleb and I stare at each other for a few moments, sizing one another up, wondering what the next move is. 

“She didn’t want to leave you.” He says suddenly, his voice is too loud and the sound bounces off the walls. It sounds forced. 

My heart starts to race again but I know that my face is completely blank because even in his grieff Caleb looks terrified. “What?” I ask, my voice soft and deadly. 

Caleb swallows and I can see him tryring to rationalize with himself that I won’t attack him here. He takes a deep breath before he speaks again. “She…she told me to tell you.” He whispers now, bravely meeting my eyes. “When it all started to go wrong, when the plan changed, she told me to tell you; she didn’t want to leave you.”

I break eye contact, shutting my eyes as my mind produces her voice. _I didn’t want to leave you, Tobias._ I can hear her as though she is standing right at my shoulder. I shake my head, refusing to look at Caleb and looking instead at the sheet on the table. “When the plan changed.” I whispered, suddenly hyper-aware that it should be Caleb dead on the table, not Tris. The rage starts to build in me as I imagine the alternative. Tris would be upset but at least she would be alive. We could have gotten through the loss. I would have been with her every step of the way. 

“There was an alarm, they were locking down the building, we had to act, we were going towards the weapons storage-“ His rambling pulls me out of the fantasy. He’s trying to fill the silence between us, trying to explain. I can’t bear to hear his empty explanations. 

“Shut up.” My voice is soft, and not as harsh as I expect. He immediately falls silent. “I don’t want reasons or excuses.” My voice rumbles in my chest and I walk forward, standing by him, beside her body. I ignore Caleb I lay my hand on her arm over the sheet. I run my hand gently over her arm until I feel her hand under mine. I close my eyes and squeeze gently. The thought comes to my mind that I hope she can feel that wherever she is. And that I hope she knew at the end how much I love her.

 

In the days that follow, I cannot sleep and so I wander around the Bureau in daylight and darkness, not knowing what to do. Mathew finds me early one morning as I pace the entryway aimlessly. He reaches out to pat my shoulder but I reflexively move away from him and stare at him dumbly. He tries to smile at me but I have none to give in return and he sighs a little. “I sat down with Caleb to start planning.” He says, his voice prompting me. 

I wonder what they could be planning now. Who needs to be overthrown? Who needs to be saved? I want no part in it, no part at all. “I’m done with planning, I’m done with scheming.” I growl at him, finally meeting his eyes. 

“No, Tobias, not like that.” He says, his voice pacifying. “We’re trying to plan Beatrice’s funeral.”

I stare at him in silence, my brain trying to process but Tris and funeral not going anywhere near one another in my vocabulary.

“Caleb thought you might like to be involved.” Mathew says when I don’t respond. I nod and let him lead me down one of the wide corridors, not paying attention to where we’re going.

My body stiffens when we come to the room where she is still laid out. I can’t help the warmth in my chest. She is gone, I know she is gone and that fact is slowly chipping away at my humanity; but for now, I am in a room with her. I ignore Mathew and Caleb and walk to her side. I don’t pull the cover back at all, but I put my hand over hers and close my eyes again, trying to imagine that I watch her sleeping. I try to imagine that when I open my eyes she will be looking up at me with that look. Her eyes will be glazed and there will be a smile on her face like she’s laughing to herself at a joke she’ll never tell. 

My eyes open and part of me is disappointed. I am too old to believe in magic or miracles but the most pathetic part of my brain wanted to just wish her back into existence. Maybe that part even believed it could. 

“One of the technicians here wanted to do something for her,” Mathew says softly, breaking me out of my own head after allowing me to have a moment. “and for the people who love her.”

I don’t look away from where my hand lays on hers. “What?” Caleb asks. 

Mathew steps forward and takes ahold of the cover. A breath catches in my throat and I hear a soft groan of pain from Caleb. That noise is enough for me to know that he has seen too. I steel myself, telling myself to be brave, closing my eyes and imagining her sleeping face. When I open them again I dare to glance up. 

I didn’t think the loss could be any more real to me than it already was. I squeeze her lifeless hand, my body rigid as I fight against grief as I stare at her face. It is not the mess that haunts my dreams, flesh and bone all destroyed by bullets, but a face, her face. 

I hear a moan of pain behind me but I do not comfort Caleb, I barely spare him a thought as I hesitantly reach up, my fingers almost touching her but then not daring. “Tris.” I whisper, my voice is rough and harsh but still quiet. “How?” I whisper to Mathew without looking away. 

“It’s a mask.” Mathew says hesitantly. “We believed…we thought this would offer closure, a chance to say goodbye.”

I nod stiffly, allowing myself to run my fingers over the brow that remains to her and I can just make out where the mask lays over her skin, the color ever so slightly different. She was so beautiful. Had she known that I felt that way? Did I tell her often enough?

I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, grateful for the mask and seeing her face one last time. But I didn’t want to kiss something fake, I wanted her. I lean back, allowing Caleb to come closer. I glance over at Mathew. “So…the funeral.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS FOR ALLEGIANT. The war is over and they have won but at what cost? All of Chicago has to pick up the pieces of their shattered reality. And so does Tobias. He lost everything when Tris went to destroy The Bureau’s Memory Serum, when she confronted David. They all believe Tris and David to be dead. But David isn’t done with her, not yet. A Fix-It Fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everyone! I decided to go ahead and post the next chapter earlier because I got done with my edits. Please do leave comments so that I know I'm not screaming to the void. I like when people actually interact with me. Enjoy

Chapter 2   
Tobias

In the days leading up to Tris’ funeral I avoid everyone. I avoid Caleb, Zeke, Christina, Shauna, Cara…everyone. Not very Abnegation of me but I don’t care, not really. I remember telling Tris once that I didn’t want to be just one thing; but that I wanted to be brave and selfless, kind and honest, and smart too. What’s the point in all of that now? What were we fighting for if she is gone?

I shake my head to clear it, the need to be close to her suddenly overwhelming me. Sitting by her… sitting by her _body_ isn’t enough for me. That isn’t her, she was never like that. Never so still, never so lifeless. 

I start running, but I don’t know where I’m headed, and I don’t really care. I close my eyes as I run and I try to remember my choosing day. I was running with the other initiates; the Dauntless born and the transfers. We ran through the corridors down staircases, the air pumped through my lungs, my heart was pounding and I let out a whoop of joy. I was free of Abnegation and free from my father. 

That was the beginning of my new life. What now?

I suddenly realize that I’ve ran straight out of the Bureau and I look around, squinting into the sunlight. My eyes lock onto some metal piping along the glass of the windows. Then my gaze flicks upward, quickly tracing a path before I start to run again. I throw myself into the air and catch the first pipe of the structure. I haul myself up and suddenly I’m climbing and climbing fast. I climb higher and higher and it feels like I’m chasing something. 

I’m chasing her. As I practically fly up the building I can imagine that she’s just ahead of me with her nerves of steel driving her ever onward, driving her higher than I would ever dream of going. 

I growl her name to myself as my muscles strain to keep pulling me up. My arms throb but I keep going. I reach the roof and look around. My heart races little as I dare to glance towards ground. I clench my hands into fists and shake my head violently. I am simultaneously terrified and unsatisfied. It’s not high enough. It’s not even as high as the Ferris wheel. I spin around and see at a distance a tower seeming to grow out of the roof. 

For a moment I am still. It is so high. _Don’t be a coward, she’s up there, waiting for you._ That’s all it takes and I’m running again, this time towards the tower and I start to climb fast. If I force my pace maybe I won’t have time to think about how scared I am. 

The metal ridges make the climb easy though I wish that they were a bit wider. It feels like my feet could slip off at any moment. I’m near to the top when the tower bulges outwards, the floor of the tower above my head. It looks like ten feet between where I cling to the outer wall and where the wall continues upwards. As I take a slow, calming breath, I remember the monkey bars at school, long before I even defected from Abnegation in favor of Dauntless. It will be just like that, nice and easy, nothing to worry about. 

Maybe if I keep saying that to myself it will be true. I stretch out for the first bracket, they will make the perfect grip point. My fingers curl around it and I lock it in a tight grip, my body dangling over the roof below. My eyes are wide but I don’t look down. Instead I’m looking upwards for the next bracket. I am slow crossing the divide but I eventually come to where the wall continues up and I gratefully pull myself up, trembling as I lean against a big window. My breath comes in quick breaths and when I accidently glance down I nearly panic. The fear and the whipping winds make my eyes sting with tears. 

I take in another gasping breath and small sob escapes me as I force myself to keep going. I have to keep blinking away the tears that blur my vision so that I can keep going, hauling myself up the tower. Finally I pull myself up onto the roof and I just lay there, tears running down my cheeks as the wind whips at my back. 

I force myself to sit up and look around. She isn’t here. I didn’t really expect her to be. I did expect to feel closer though and I don’t, not even a bit. I scream and punch the metal roof, the skin of my knuckles breaking open. 

“Four?” 

I whip around and there’s Zeke, crouched on the roof near me, keeping low to protect himself from the wind. “How did you get up here?” I demand. I hadn’t seen him on my climb. 

He scoffs at me and stands, stamping on the roof below us. “I was down there and saw you go by.” 

I look at him mutely. Why had he followed me up here then? I’m honestly surprised that he can find it in himself to be anywhere near me. They had unplugged Uriah last night. Part of me had wanted to be there, but I had been a coward, not willing to face anymore death. In the end it had just been the family saying goodbye to Uriah, to Zeke’s brother, the top of the last class of initiates, and he was dead. The top two initiates of their class are dead. It is a hard reminder for myself and I look away from Zeke. 

I hear his boots on the metal as he comes close to me and sits down just at my side. The sun is glistening in the direction of Chicago, in the direction of our home. I tilt my head to the side. 

“What happens next?” Zeke asks me. 

I turn to look at him and shrug slightly before looking back to the horizon. 

Zeke growls and suddenly there is a smacking noise and my vision goes white for a second, my jaw burning with pain. Zeke is on top of me, his fist drawn back for another punch as he presses my shoulder against the roof. I don’t move. I don’t want to move. The guilt for my part in Uriah’s death eats me alive. This can be my penance. 

He hits me again, but he doesn’t hit as hard this time and the look in his eyes isn’t crazed or angry. It’s like he’s disappointed. “You are better than this Four.” He growls at me, punching my shoulder lightly. He shakes me, my head smacking against the roof, the metallic resonance echoing around us. “Stop this!” He starts landing hits on me, my shoulder, my chest, my face. “You’re being cowardly, you’re being pathetic.” I don’t move because he’s not wrong, I barely even raise a hand to defend myself. “Tris would be ashamed of you.” 

Something inside of me snaps and for a moment I see red. I let out a feral growl, throwing a vicious punch upwards and throwing him off of me. He blocks as I continue to throw punches at his face. His elbow slams into my throat and I choke, gasping for breath as I reel backwards. 

He moves with me and gets his hands around my neck. My eyes are wide until I slam my knee into his gut. He hollers and doubles over, allowing me to wrap my arm around his neck, choking him with a growl. 

Suddenly his weight shifts and I’m vaulted forward. I let out another growl as I expect to land hard on my back on the roof. I let out a yell as I keep falling. My legs flail as I dangle over the edge. My breath is coming in frantic gasps and I look up trying to see why I don’t fall, why my wrists hurt. 

Zeke has an iron grip on my wrists, “Zeke!” I yell, trying to slow down my breathing. 

His face is sad and gentle now. His eyes are full of pity. His voice sounds tired when he speaks. “I’ve got you Four. I’m not gunna let you fall.” I force myself to trust him, to be brave as I hang in the air. “But I am going to make you listen. I lost my brother; you lost your girlfriend. There was a war. People die, Four, that’s what they were always preparing us for at Dauntless, you know that.” I stare up at him, my heart still racing. “Life has to go on. We have to mourn our losses…and then we have to go back home.” I hiss with pain as he hauls me up and onto the roof. We both sit there panting, our heads touching. “We have to help them pick up the pieces.” Zeke says firmly. 

My body is totally limp. “Tris and I thought that maybe we wouldn’t…” I can’t even finish. I close my eyes and remember the kiss after I told her that when I was back we would plan, plan our life together. 

“Your plan has to change, Four.” Zeke told me in a firm voice. 

A couple moments of silence pass before I speak. “I know.”

Zeke shows me where he climbed up from an open window just below the roof and we slide into some sort of control room. Christina is standing there, waiting for us. “So he didn’t go up there to jump?” She asks. Her voice has a teasing lilt and there’s even a light smirk on her face but even so I can hear concern there too and for a moment I feel guilty for making her worry.

“I don’t know what he went for but what he got was a pounding from me.” Zeke said. His voice is tired but he tips Christina a wink anyways. 

I reflexively cuff him on the back of the head. “You won’t be able to beat me again.” I assure him. I’m trying to find normal again, trying to joke with them, my friends. 

“I don’t know, Four, you aren’t as young as you used to be.” Christina taunts just before she throws a punch. I duck her arm, sliding behind her and wrapping my arms around her middle restraining her. 

“Still too slow, initiate.” I rebuke but there is a slight smile on my face. 

I meet Zeke’s eyes over her head and in his eyes I see the Dauntless spark again and despite myself my smile starts to grow. “Let’s find out who’s too slow.” He says in his easy way. “Race ya!” he yells, bolting towards the stairwell. 

My smile pulls into a grin and I shove Christina behind me so that I can start after Zeke down the stairs. The three of us tear down the staircase, chasing one another. 

It isn’t like that first triumphant run after the choosing ceremony. It isn’t like running with our faction to jump onto a train. It isn’t even like my frantic climb just moments ago. It is something different entirely, but it feels like piece of our faction and so a piece of ourselves. We come to the bottom of the stairs and burst through the door and into the wide corridors of the Bureau. Researchers jump back from us and watch us with confusion or judgment, I don’t really care. They can think whatever they want. Sometimes this running is the only thing that makes sense. 

\-----------------------------------------------

We decided to say goodbye to Tris and Uriah on the same day and we decided to do it Dauntless style. I had resisted that decision at first, remembering how much she hated Al’s ceremony after he threw himself into the chasm. Christina, Zeke, and Caleb were all insistent though and they had managed to convince me. After all, Tris had been Dauntless to the end. 

Al had been a suicide, an act of cowardice. Tris on the other hand died a perfect example of both our faction of choice and faction of origin. She deserved more than the quiet service of the Abegnation. Uriah was a Dauntless through and and through and Zeke wouldn’t have anything but a Dauntless farewell for his brother so we would be saying goodbye to both of them like the heroes that they were. 

I walk out onto the tarmac outside the Bureau late in the afternoon. People are passing around drinks, some dancing and hollering at one another. More Dauntless refugees from Chicago had come and there are enough of us leading the charge in partying that the Bureau staff seem to be following along. Though maybe I should take into account that they created us, that they have watched us. Maybe on some level, some of the researchers partying around me are, in fact, Dauntless. 

The party rages until it is dark but in that time I have endeavored to not look to where Uriah and Tris are laid out. Zeke has floated in between me and his brother but Christina has stayed by my side. I pass by someone set up to do tattoos and Christine’s eyes light up. “I didn’t think these Bureau researchers did tattoos.” She said eagerly.

The artist heard her and looked up. “None of the researchers are artists.” He stood up and offered his hand, shaking first Christine’s and then mine. “The name’s Samuel. I’m from Chicago originally but I left something like twenty years ago. Dauntless.”

“I’m Christina, this is Four.” Christina introduces us confidently as I look over the pictures of tattoos. 

“Yeah I know who you are.” Samuel says with a knowing smirk. 

I grimace at that. Clearly he knows the feeling but I will never get used to the people here knowing us without actually being introduced. “I want some work done.” I say as I suddenly make the decision. 

Samuel nods towards where Uriah and Tris lie. “For your girl?”

I do nothing more than nod and then stand still for a few moments, thinking. I can feel Christina’s eyes on me but I ignore her. “A crow, here.” I finally decide, laying my hand over my heart, not far from where Tris had tattooed three of the same birds for her family. Christina smiles at me, but it looks sad. I can’t even pretend to smile back as I quickly pull my shirt off. I sit in the chair and Samuel starts his work. 

I can’t help but realize the painful buzzing is more than my heart has felt since I came back from Chicago. The thought makes me laugh slightly but the sound is hollow.

“What’s so funny?” Christina asks me. 

I meet her gaze for a moment and shake my head with a sad smile. “You don’t need to babysit me Christina, I’ll be fine.” She pats my shoulder before jogging off.

\---------------------------------------------

I know when I can see the moon high in the sky that the time is close. Samuel has finished my tattoo but I’m still seated in the chair, not many people were looking for more ink tonight. I stand, rolling my shoulders and gently touching the tender skin around the new tattoo. “I’ll cover it later.” I assure him before I stumble my way through the crowd towards the remains of the two Dauntless who we are honoring. As I move through the crowd they all notice me – walking around in the cold without a shirt, the crow on my chest red and inflamed at the edges. Caleb is at the pyres, staring brokenly at his sister, flinching at every surge of noise. I don’t think that he has moved away from her the entire evening. I look pointedly at him and away from her body as I draw a flask out of my back pocket and hand it to him. “Come on.” I say with a heavy sigh. “You wanted a Dauntless ceremony, you got one.” 

I watch him until he puts the flask to his lips and kicks it back. I nod and look at the people, more of them are dancing now since we’ve been drinking for a number of hours. “Are they…the Dauntless I mean, are they always like this?” Caleb asks me, shuddering as the alcohol moves down his throat. 

“More or less.” I tell him taking the flask when he passes it to me and taking a long sip. I clear my throat. “It’s wilder inside Dauntless obviously.” 

I try to hand the flask to him again and he shakes his head. “I don’t want to be drunk, it clouds the mind.”

“That is the point.” I chuckle a little and press the flask against his chest, backing him up until he hits the pyre and takes it from me. “It’s a Dauntless ceremony, you drink.” I tell him firmly. I look at Tris finally. “And it makes you hurt less.”

Out of the corner of my eye I see Caleb down the flask before I focus totally on Tris. “Can I have a minute?” I ask him. He stumbles away, towards Zeke who laughs and claps him on the back. I shake my head and perch on the edge of Tris’ pyre, laying my hands over hers. “We did it Tris…well, you did it. Chicago’s safe…all those people, because of you.” I whisper to her.“This is gunna be goodbye then Beatrice.” My words slur and I try to clear my head by shaking it. “I hope this-“ I gesture around at the people getting increasingly wild. “Is what you would have wanted.” I snort and grab a bottle from someone who stumbles by. “You know…one of these Bureau people said that these ceremonies are for us…not you and Uriah.” I take a long drink. “I don’t know so much about Abnegation or Erudite or…or those other ones…but for Dauntless, yea…it’s for us. Because see, if it’s me or Caleb or Christina…this,” I hold up the bottle and swirl it around. “It makes it easier, Tris, makes it easier to miss you. And for them-“ I gesture wildly to the people partying around us. “They get to get drunk and have a good time.”

I’m silent for a few moments. “Maybe after all this fighting they deserve it too…a bit of fun.”

I look down at the mask, my eyes running hungrily over the familiar features. “I’m so…angry at you.” I groan a little, squeezing her hand. “Stupid selfless…Stiff.” I spit the word, tears in my eyes again, I clear them with an angry growl. “Your brother…the traitor…he was meant to die, not you…not you Tris.” I lean down, laying my head on her chest. “It wasn’t meant to be you.” I whisper to her heart. 

I keep my head against her heart as I continue to whisper. “I love you so much…I love your selflessness, your bravery.” I let out a long sigh and sit up. “I’ll love you forever Tris.” I assure her as I stand up. 

George is coming closer now and I know that it’s time. I catch the box that he tosses to me and slide it open, pulling out a long match as Caleb and Christina join me. I stare at the match while he hands the same to Zeke. Zeke meets my gaze and we nod before turning to George who would be the most senior member of Dauntless. 

“On choosing day, those who choose to become Dauntless initiates cut their palm and drop a single drop of blood on top of hot coals.” George’s voice is loud, and filled with pride for his faction. He makes me stand taller. “Our symbol is fire. Living, moving, chaotic, uncontrollable, indomitable.” He spares a glance to Caleb, Christina, and I by Tris and then to Zeke and his family by Uriah. “Uriah had only just become an adult in our faction and Tris was wholly new to us. They were both young and new but they were truly Dauntless, dying with courage, protecting those around them.” He pauses for a moment as everyone cheers for Tris and Uriah. “For this…” The people around us quiet down as he speaks again. “For this we give them the greatest honor. We send them into whatever comes next with our symbol. For Tris and Uriah!”

“For Tris and Uriah!” The people around us scream, but I can’t bring myself to say anything. I just stare at George, waiting for the command. 

He nods and I swallow thickly before lighting the match. I hold it over the wood of the pyre but I can’t seem to make it touch. “Be brave.” My eyes snap up to look at Caleb and Christina. I would have expected Christina to say it but no, it was Caleb. I nod harshly and press the match into the wood and the kindling, letting it go and stepping back as fire begins to consume first they pyre and then Tris. 

A cheer goes up along with the flames over the bodies of Tris and Uriah.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS FOR ALLEGIANT. The war is over and they have won but at what cost? All of Chicago has to pick up the pieces of their shattered reality. And so does Tobias. He lost everything when Tris went to destroy The Bureau’s Memory Serum, when she confronted David. They all believe Tris and David to be dead. But David isn’t done with her, not yet. A Fix-It Fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is late guys. I won't make a habit of it but I was on vacation and though I did bring my laptop I just didn't get as much work done as I had planned to. If I get a couple comments I might post an extra one ;D

Chapter 3  
Tris 

 

Everything is white. 

Not fluffy clouds and gentle white nothingness. No. Everything is white hot, everything is agonizing. I don’t even know if there’s anything around me to see because I’m blinded by pain. There’s too much pain to even move. I thought that once I was dead the pain would stop. Mom said that I was done. I don’t know what I expected from the afterlife, but I certainly expected it to hurt less. 

I open my mouth and let out a scream, and though I feel it rip through my throat I can barely hear it over the blood rushing in my ears. When will the pain stop?

I don’t know how much time passes. It could have been an instant or an eternity. Is there even time after you die? Will it just be nothingness? When, after a lifetime, the pain finally starts to fade, I blink once, twice, three times. So I wasn’t being blinded by pain. I’m actually staring into some sort of bright light. I try to move but then realize that the pain hadn’t been paralyzing me either. It’s like I’m bound…my legs and my arms bound tight. 

I jerk against the bonds and my stomach rolls with the sharpness of the pain. I think for a moment that I’m going to be sick. I let out a small cry and my breath comes in quick gasps. I lay still and shut my eyes as my body trembles. I have to master the pain. Once I’ve done that I can figure out what kind of messed up afterlife this is. 

“Mom?” I cry out miserably. “Dad?” The yelling turns to weak coughing. The coughing hurts my chest. I had been shot. How many times was it? I’m not sure I ever knew. I had been too focused. I had to release the memory serum. 

The serum? Had I been successful? Are the people in Chicago safe? I want to thrash, break free so that I can find out if I had done it but I’m too tired and even tensing my muscles to move them is too painful. I whimper and slouch against my bonds. 

I wish I could at the very least look at myself, look at the place I have found myself in but I cannot even muster the energy. All I can do is stare up at the lights as my vision starts to blur. “This is your punishment.” I hear the whispered words but I do not know the voice, I cannot see anyone. 

“Punishment…” I breath, barely able to hear my own voice, unable to summon the energy to even speak. “Punishment for…what?”

Images are above me now. When had they begun? Had time passed? It must have. My vision is still blurred but I can still make out the image. I’m staring at myself…at my image…there is a wild look in my eyes and my hand doesn’t tremble buy my knuckles are white at the tight grasp of a gun in my hand…pointed at Will. “I had to…” I groan, my voice still breathless. I try to close my eyes but there is more pain so I open them to see myself pulling the trigger. I know that Will falls but that’s not what I see…instead I saw my mother get hit by a bullet and go down in his place. “No.” I whisper. 

“You must be punished.” 

I blink and it is suddenly I’m seeing something else entirely. “Tobias.” I breathe when I see his face, groaning in pain as I try to reach out to him. Then he is gone but when he reappears he is bruised and bloodied at Erudite headquarters. 

_“You die…I die.”_ His voice is too loud, it rings in my ears and I cry out, squeezing my eyes shut and ignoring the pain. 

“You lied to him…and he nearly died because of it.” Another voice purrs. I try to turn my head but I can’t and I snarl with frustration. 

“Who are you?” I scream. 

“You must be punished.”

My eyes open not to light but to darkness. I sit up abruptly, looking around in confusion. I know this place; dark walls, creaking bed, I can hear the rush of water. 

I’m in Dauntless…and I’m not in pain, not really. There is still a dull ache in my limbs and a throbbing in my chest but the agony and bright light is gone. This must be it then. Whatever had been happening before…my punishment…must be over. I squeeze my eyes shut as I think of Tobias. I can only hope that he knows; that Caleb did what I asked and told him. I slowly stand to my feet, swallowing thickly. 

I will have to learn how to exist without him. 

And I suppose one day we’ll be together again.

Focus. There will be time to miss Tobias later. I start to walk towards the door, stopping at Christina’s bed and running my hand over the headboard. I would miss her too, my first friend. I walk to the door and turn around to take in the room, maybe for the last time. I glance towards Al’s bed…and then Will’s. I smile slightly. Maybe I will see them soon. I’ll apologize to Will and forgive Al and maybe they will both be able to forgive me. 

I leave the dormitory and follow the familiar path towards the Pit. I have never seen Dauntless so desolate and empty. Even during the attack simulation there had been guards. This was just unsettling. “Hello?” I call hesitantly. My voice bounces and echoes off the stones. 

There is no answer and I immediately berate myself in my mind. If I’m not safe here that moment of stupidity would give away my position. I duck towards the shadows and start to walk faster, heading towards the way out, towards the trains. I see the door at the end of the corridor and start to jog. I’ll leave Dauntless and head to Abnegation. My parents must be waiting for me there. 

I don’t stop as I push the door open and I expect to be met with the sun on my face but instead I’m still inside. I’m still in Dauntless. I’ve just run into Tobias’ apartment. I turn my head away. I don’t want to see his apartment, not without him in it. 

“Tris?” My head snaps forward and there he stands. He is perfectly still, eyes blank, but I assume it’s just shock and for a moment, I’m still too. I didn’t expect to see him here. Grief starts to swell in my chest when I realize what it means that we’re standing here together but as soon as it starts, it’s gone. Because we’re together. Living or dead what does it matter. 

“Tobias!” I can’t help but smile as I say his name, jogging across the room to him. I wrap my arms around him and burry my face into his chest but still he is totally still and I don’t feel his strong arms around me. I look up, suddenly horrified. “Tobias…you’re not…you didn’t?” 

My voice trails off as he disentangles himself from my embrace, the lips that I have so loved turning into a sneer. “No, I’m alive Tris.” I feel a weight in my stomach as he speaks. His words are slow and his eyes look into mine but there is something unfamiliar there, something cold. “But I’m glad you’re dead.”

The words hit me like a hammer and I stumble back from him with wide eyes. “Wh-what?” I whisper. “Tobias…it’s me…”

“Yes it’s you.” He growls at me, walking closer to me. I want to close my eyes and find comfort in the feeling of his chest pressed against mine. But I can’t. There’s no tenderness, no intimacy. I retreat, backing away from him, my heart pounding in my chest. “You who lied to me.” Tobias snapped, pushing me backwards. I stumble as he speaks again. “You who couldn’t keep your promises.” I’m retreating fast now, too afraid to look away; to look for an escape. “You who made a mess of everything; reminded me of my past…You worked with my father you stupid Stiff!” 

I whimper as he screams at me and suddenly my fingers are against the wall and then my back is pressed against the wall. “Tobias…Tobias I’m sorry…I love you.” My voice trembles as I try to plead with him. 

“More lies!” His voice is a roar and suddenly there is a crack and searing pain in my cheek. I scream, falling to the floor, raising my arm to protect myself. I never even saw him raise his hand to strike me. I’m so disoriented that I don’t notice until too late that he is reaching for my hair. He drags me up by a fistful and I thrash against him, trying and failing to land a single hit. 

He smacks my head against the wall and I scream when he draws my head back, clearly meaning to do it again. I suddenly lock eyes with my own reflection in the window and everything stops just for a moment. 

The fuzz begins to leave my brain and I shake my head, it’s like time has slowed down. I know one thing for certain; no matter how angry that he was, he would never do this. My eyes snap back to his when I notice him draw his fist back. “You’re not real.” I whisper with a sudden deadly certainty. 

I jolt forward with a gasp and scream with pain again. All of the pain has returned and my whole body seizes and thrashes for a moment against the unrelenting bonds holding me in one place. I only result in causing myself more pain and finally I collapse, retching slightly from the pain and fear. 

I realize I’m crying and with that realization I lose control. I sob and scream, trying to relieve even an ounce of the pain as I shut my eyes tight against the glaring whiteness around me. “Please!” I cry out. “Please I can’t do this. Haven’t I done enough?”

“This is your Punishment.”

I’m still shaking but I go limp at the sound of that voice. Is this my eternity? Is this the Hell that I have made for myself? How long can I endure this before I lose my mind? 

The pain is less. 

How long have I been dead? I must be feeling less pain because I’m getting farther and farther away from my body. That must be a good thing. Maybe that means that all of this will be over soon. “Have I been punished yet?” I whisper to the voice.

The voice doesn’t answer. 

I tense all of my muscles, trying to check on my condition for lack of anything better to do. As I do I realize that I can move. I gasp and sit up and when I do I can see a door ahead of me. I wince as I stand to my feet, muscles trembling. 

“It is time for you to go to your parents.” I turn around quickly to look for the voice, too quickly and I hiss in pain. And the voice isn’t there. In fact, the table that I had been sitting on is gone too. There’s nothing but whiteness all around me. I turn back to the door and fidget with my fingers as I walk towards it. 

“Be brave, Tris.” I tell myself before pushing the door open. 

Sunlight streams in and through the door I see my childhood home, Abnegation. It isn’t like Dauntless from before though. Abnegation is full of people, walking together, smiling softly, and speaking quietly. Old friends and neighbors walk by and sometimes someone turns and waves. 

After a moment of shock I wave back, using a hand to shield my eyes from the bright sun. I step out into the fresh air and everything seems so normal, except for perhaps the Abnegation being a little bit more excitable, a little bit louder than I’m used to. Maybe the afterlife helped them to loosen up. 

I walk down the familiar streets, finally reaching my old home. I don’t know where else I would find my parents. I hesitate. It feels as though this hasn’t been my home in a long time. I don’t know if I should knock or just let myself in. I look around, maybe someone will notice my confusion and give me a hand. No one does. I bite my lip but then raise a hand to grab the door handle. 

Before I can touch the smooth metal the door opens and there stands my mother. “Mom!” My voice is full of relief and I step into her open arms. 

I close my eyes at the feeling of her running her fingers through my short hair. “Oh my sweet girl.” She whispers as she holds me. 

“Beatrice.” I look up when my dad speaks and I move from Mom’s arms to his and he kisses my head. 

“It was awful.” I confide in them both. “I don’t even know how long I’ve…I’ve been dead.” I whisper almost fearfully. I can’t help myself, I look around the room for the source of the voice. “I was being punished for everything I’ve done wrong…”

“Well we do all have to take responsibility for our actions.” Dad says as we all sit on the couch. 

I fidget uncomfortably. I had expected more sympathy for what I had been going through. But maybe it was normal. Maybe I just had more in my life that I needed to be punished for. Even if they weren’t sympathetic I thought that they would both be happier to be reunited. I didn’t expect to go back to the usual Abnegation way of speaking. “I did try to be good.” I say hesitantly. 

“Oh we know you tried.” Mom says sweetly, rubbing my arm. “But trying isn’t always everything.”

“After all you did leave us.” My father’s voice is a rebuke and I gape at him, trying to think of what I could say that could defend my defection from our faction. “And then the next time I saw you…you got me killed. I’m not surprised you needed to be punished.” His gentle tone contrasts his accusatory words which cut me like knives. 

I can’t help but look away ashamed. “I…I know that I should have done better. I’m sorry.” 

“We just don’t think that you’re sorry enough, Beatrice.” Mom says, running a hand through my hair again, but this time scratching my scalp. 

I flinch and draw back, my heart starting to race. As if my moment of fear was a cue they both change, suddenly coming towards me agressively, and the pieces fall together in my brain. “You’re a sim.” I whisper. 

“A what?” My father sneers as he reaches out to grab me. 

“A simulation.” I say aggressively as I dodge his hand. I jump over the couch, using it as a barrier between myself and my parents, not wanting to fight them even if they aren’t real. “You’re just another simulation!” 

Our Abnegation living room dissolves into whiteness and pain again but I let out a growl. I can feel my heart pounding. I anchor myself in the pain, in my racing heart, in the feeling of the straps holding me down, and in the bright light that makes me want to close my eyes. At least I know that all of these things are real.

“That’s two simulations.” It’s a struggle to keep control of the pain but my voice is perfectly flat and even as I speak, staring into the glaring light. “And I don’t know what you’re playing at, but it can stop right now.” My voice is like the calm before the storm, promising great fury to come. “The ruse is up. _I. am. not. dead_.” With each word, my voice grows with certainty and confidence. I know that I’m right. 

Silence drags on for a few moments and I relish in the feeling of my chest rising and falling. I had been stupid. Dead hearts don’t beat, dead people do not breathe, and the dead don’t feel pain. “Do you hear me?” I scream. “I am not dead.” 

The bright white light above me was instantly turned down and though spots danced in my vision and I had to blink half a dozen times, I could see the light fixture now. 

“Well done, Beatrice.” It is the same voice as before and as before my head is restrained so I cannot see him. “Yes very well done indeed. I just wanted to see what a Genetically Pure mind was like when it believed it was dead. I was just waiting for you to realize.”

“Now you can release me.” My voice is a growl as I struggle for just a moment against the straps that hold me on the bed. 

“Oh no, it’s not time for that yet.” I gasp at the familiar sensation of a needle being pressed into the soft skin of my neck and groan at the feeling of being injected. “There are so many other things that I want to learn from you.” I try to keep my eyes open but almost in an instant they begin to close and darkness fills my head.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I half abandoned this fic. I have something like twenty chapters written so I'm hoping to be better about editing them and quickly getting them out.

Chapter 4  
Tris

I’m standing on my own two feet now, but the room is dark. I take a step forward, looking around me for any threats in the room and I hear the sound of sloshing water. I look down and see water slowly rising around my ankles. My eyes come into better focus as I look around again, catching the glare of glass even in the darkness. I raise a hand and find the glass wall that is all too familiar to me, raising an eyebrow. 

I can’t help myself, I start to laugh. “Are you serious?” I demand, feeling the smirk on my face. “Talk about exercise in futility.” I take a slow, centering breath and then reach forward and touch the glass. It shatters beneath my fingers with a rushing sound. 

I jolt upright in a chair and groan with pain, letting myself fall backwards again. I can move now so that at least is an improvement. I open my eyes to look down at my wrists and ankles. They’re the only places that I’m still bound. However there’s more than straps on me. There are two tubes in each of my arms, taped there. When I look at my chest, there are wires running under a light robe to sensors that I can feel over my heart. I can feel tubes running along my face and into my nose as well. Not only that but my entire body aches. 

“Sorry about that, but every experiment has to have a control.” I whip my head to the side unable to groan at the fast movement, too fast apparently. But how could I not have noticed I was not alone in the room. 

My eyes are wide as I am suddenly face to face with the head of the Bureau. “David…” My breath catches in my throat. The look in his eyes is very clear, he has forgotten nothing. I lick my lips nervously, knowing I am on dangerous ground. “The…the memory serum.”

He smirks at me. “You think that I was inoculated against the death serum but not the memory serum?” He asked with a scoff. “Maybe your test was wrong, I really doubt you have an aptitude for Erudite.” 

His voice is nothing but condescending and I know that he’s trying to push my buttons. It doesn’t cow me as I look up at him challengingly “I did it though.” My voice doesn’t shake because I’m certain. He may think he has the upper hand but I was raised Abnegation and I did what they had trained me from childhood to do, make a sacrifice. I can’t help a self-satisfied smile as I realise that for the first time, I feel real pleasure at having been selfless. “I released the memory serum. You didn’t reset Chicago.”

I see his temple and cheek twitch as if he would twist his face and start screaming but a breath later and he has himself under control. When he speaks, his voice is soft and deadly. “What you did, is throw away years worth of work.” 

I meet his furious gaze fearlessly. “The people in Chicago were more than an experiment.” I tell him harshly. I take a calming breath and try to make my voice sound careless and I give a little shrug. “I chose Dauntless, I chose to protect them. It’s my job.”

“Dauntless isn’t real.” David snapped at me, leaning forward and shaking me by the shoulders, forcing me to bite back a pained sound. “None of it was real.”

I manage to meet his furious gaze with a level stare. “Not- to you.” My voice is breathless and I hear it catch.I suck in a quick breath. He shoves me back against the chair and I wince, watching him pace the room as I steady my breathing. 

“No matter.” He mutters as he goes back and forth. “I’ve lost Chicago but I have you.” He looks at me and slowly grins, There’s enough Erudite in me to have a knot of fear in my stomach at that look. “There is so much I will be able to learn from you.”

I shake my head, trying to hold my head high and look brave. “Someone will find me.” I insist, and thankfully my voice is far steadier than I feel. “Someone will come looking.” 

I feel cold when he chuckles. “Oh Beatrice.” He coos at me and I lean away from him with a look of disgust on my face, looking at anything but him. “No one will come looking for you.” He assures me, laying a hand on my face. He harshly pulls my chin and looks into my eyes, his face so close to mine that I feel his spit on my face when he speaks. “Caleb won’t come looking, Christina won’t come looking, and even Tobias won’t come looking for you.”

I do nothing but raise my chin stubbornly as he lists my friends, because I know he’s wrong. Even if no one else comes, Tobias will find me. “Do you want to know why no one will come for you Tris?” I do not answer but I continue to stare resolutely into his eyes. He leans close to me and I cringe as I feel his lips against my ear. “No one is coming, because they all think you’re dead.”

I’m frozen for a minute and turn to him. He has a vile grin on his face but my face is blank just before I jerk backwards and then slam my skull into his nose. He lets out a scream and stumbles backwards. He holds his nose but I see dark blood slowly dripping between his fingers and tears in his eyes. “You bitch!” He snarls, coming forward again and slapping me across the face. My face snaps to the side but I don’t cry out as my ears ring. I don’t make a sound. I’ve been hit harder. 

For a few seconds, I don’t move. In those moments of silence I hear the door open and then close again. I look back but he has left. I hope I broke his nose. I slouch against the chair, glad for a moment alone though I’m sure that they are watching me. I allow myself to relax. I close my eyes and pull Tobias’ face to mind. He won’t believe that I’m dead. He will know it’s a lie when he hears it. 

What if he does believe it? 

I have to get back to him. 

My body aches but besides that there it’s almost like I’m numb all over, like when I’ve been on painkillers in the past. It makes me wonder how badly I was injured in saving Chicago. David had left me in agony when he wanted me to think that I was dead. Now I guess I was worth more if I wasn’t being drowned alive by pain. Something tells me that without the anesthetic I won’t be able to run. Alright even on them running probably isn’t in the cards. Escape will have to wait. I test the straps that hold my wrists and groan as the aching in my wrist spikes for a moment. They’re strong, certainly stronger than I am at the moment. 

The room around me is white, with a counter and a sink at one side beside the door. There are cabinets above the counter, all with locks on them. The opposite wall has a giant mirror on it and I’m sure that there are people on the other side. Maybe someone is fixing David’s nose. The room could be any number of the research labs at the Bureau. Who’s to say that I’m not still there? I could be in one of the underground rooms. I could be in the same building as Tobias – if he’s still here. I may not have to run very far if I manage an escape. 

I stretch against the bonds and turn to see a wheeled unit with two different computers and an IV bag attached to me. Unfortunately the computers are turned away from me so I have no way of knowing what they do. 

There’s nothing else for me to do once I’ve investigated my surroundings so I try to relax against my chair. I need to work on getting information, but how am I supposed to do that? I don’t think that David will just answer any arbitrary questions that I might have and I don’t have anything to offer in return, not really. 

The minutes tick by slowly, at least I assume time is passing. There’s no clock in the room to know for sure. How long does it take to fix a broken nose? I fidget in my chair, trying to make a mental list of what I already know, and what I desperately need to find out. 

_My name is Beatrice Prior. I grew up in an experimental city called Chicago. I was born an Abnegation. My father was born an Erudite and my mother was born outside of Chicago, became a member of the Bureau, and then entered Chicago as a Dauntless at 16. On my choosing day, I chose Dauntless. I survived initiation but then Dauntless, under the control of Erudite, attacked Abnegation. Tobias and I escaped. The factionless took over and I revealed to the entire city that there was a world outside. We escaped again to the Bureau. The Bureau are trying to purify genes. I am genetically pure. That does not make me a better person. The Bureau tried to reset Chicago. I stopped it._

That’s all that I know for certain. I need to find out if my friends are alive; if Tobias is alive. I need to find out where I am. I look around the room again, but there are no more clues and my body is heavy with pain-relievers. 

I hear the door open again and I turn to look at David, his nose still red but no longer bleeding. He winces as he dabs gently with a tissue not even sparing me a glance as he goes to the computer beside me and starts typing rapidly. I look away from him to, looking down as I wiggle my fingers slightly. I expect him to speak but after several moments go by I can’t take his smug silence anymore. 

“You’re lying.” I tell him assuredly. My voice is not angry or harsh or even judgmental. It is just certain. 

“I’m not lying Beatrice.” He assures me coolly. He doesn’t stop typing and he doesn’t say anything else. 

“Tobias isn’t stupid. He’s seen faked deaths before” My voice is just as cool. “And Caleb may be a traitor but he’s also Erudite. Neither of them would believe I was dead without proof, without my body.” I smile smugly, still not looking at him but the smile slides down when I hear him chuckle. 

“Oh there was a body.” I can feel the color drain from my face at the mirth in his voice. 

I try to convince myself that it still wouldn’t work. Maybe on Christina, maybe even on Caleb, but not on Tobias. He would know that it wasn’t me. “You would have needed someone who looks just like me.” My voice doesn’t sound so sure now and I have to fight to keep it steady. I take a breath, shutting out David’s quiet chuckling. I have to think like an Erudite, I have to use logic because he must be lying so that I don’t have any hope of rescue. “I have tattoos.” I say, knowing that the likelihood of someone else having my exact tattoos would be very slim. 

David lets out a real laugh at that and I snap my head to look at him angrily. “You think that we can’t easily fake tattoos on a corpse?” He asks. 

“It would still have to look like me.” I snap angrily, tugging at the straps and wishing I could hit him again. “Just like me!” My voice is a growl. There goes being calm and logical. 

When he starts to chuckle again, I wish that I could choke that insufferable sound right out of him. “Now that was a challenge.” He said finally. “We couldn’t use anyone in your age group considering your…proportions.” I can’t help but flush angrily at the snide tone. “But you are quite small besides, so we looked for a younger demographic.” 

I feel sick as he clicks and types rapidly on the computer before turning it to me. He scrolls slowly allowing me to read. 

Name: Jane Doe  
Location: The Fringe camp 66240  
Guardian Status: NA  
Age: 13

My blood runs cold as I stare at a picture of her, it looks like it was taken from security footage. “Thirteen?” I whisper, trying to still my shaking. “You killed a child?” I whispered, I want to vomit, an undeniable surge of guilt coursing through me.

David shrugs carelessly. “She was genetically damaged.” He said clicking to another picture. In this one the same girl is exchanging something with a tall man wrapped in a blanket. 

“She was a child!” I scream at him, jerking in the straps hard enough that I feel the chair give slightly. David says nothing as I continue to scream at him and thrash against the chair. He has already learned that he’s better off with his face far away from mine and so he is safe so long as I am trapped here. I won’t be trapped forever though and when I am free he will pay for murdering that girl. 

My energy doesn’t last and I collapse against the chair, breathing hard and tossing my head to try to get the tears out of my eyes. “She doesn’t look like me.” I mutter, hoping desperately that he was still lying to me, that this girl wasn’t killed, that she was alive and as safe as it was possible to be in this world. “Not really.”

David stares at the photo contemplatively. “No, you’re right.” He tells me, and I turn to look at him. He has the gall to smile slightly as he looks at Marcella’s picture. “Her face bears very little resemblance towards yours.” He agrees with me. “But you were shot six times in the vault.” He grabs my upper arm and squeezes, making me scream with sudden pain. “You were smart, shielded your head with this arm.” He said softly. “She wasn’t so smart.”

He walks around behind me and whispers in my ear again. “Do you know what happens when someone is shot in the face at point-blank?” He asks me. My answer is irrelevant because he clicks the mouse again and all I can make out is gore, and then I see a single unseeing green eye. I retch and heave to the side but there is nothing in my stomach. 

I struggle to breathe, my lungs refusing to expand. My vision starts to blur and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to focus on anything else. Getting control of my breathing is like climbing. One rung and then the next, keep going, keep climbing, keep breathing. 

I keep my eyes shut, afraid to see the image again but I square my shoulders and raise my chin, keeping my voice steady though it is now breathless and hoarse. “You are lying.” I repeat stubbornly. 

“Open your eyes if you want proof.” I hesitate. He could show me anything. He could show me that mangled face again, that poor child, a thirteen year old girl. I swallow. I have to be brave, and I have to know. 

The image on the screen has changed when I open my eyes. It’s a video from the outside of the Bureau and it looks like the sun has just gone down. There are over a hundred people, loud music, and screaming. Already I know enough to know that I’m looking at a Dauntless funeral. I swallow as I see Caleb standing by a pyre…my pyre. No, the girl...Jane Doe’s pyre. I correct myself quickly. I can see a brown-skinned man standing with a pyre in the background. “Uriah.” I realize with quiet horror making my stomach cold. 

The image blurs as someone passes too close to the camera but as he walks past, I recognize the tattoos on Tobias’ back and my chest tightens. I have to remind myself to breathe as I watch Tobias and my brother pass a flask back and forth. I dare to look at the pyre between them. “Her…face.” I whisper. 

“They appear to have made some sort of death mask.” David muses. His voice trails off and he makes a couple of notes but I don’t pay attention. 

I think George is speaking about us but the camera didn’t really pick up what. As he comes to the end I see him punch the air yelling, “For Tris and Uriah!” The entire crowd calls out the same and it echoes in my ears. In the background, I see Uriah’s pyre go up in flames but mine – no it isn’t mine – does not. I watch as Caleb leans close to Tobias and say something. I wish that I could hear them, I even try to strain to get closer to the screen. 

David’s mouth is by my ear again as I watch my pyre begin to burn. “I believe he said, ‘Be Brave’.” He hisses. There is a sudden pinch in my neck and I jerk away at the familiar feeling of a serum being pushed in. 

I toss my head as he turns the screen off. I’m not sure what he injected me with or what it was going to do but I need to keep my head clear. I get control of my breathing and look around the room. Nothing is happening yet. “What was that?” I demand as the moments keep passing. 

He glances up from the computer to look at me for a moment before typing something else. “Just wait.” He says with a curious look in his eyes. 

“You’d have been in Erudite.” I sigh, seeing the look. I lay my head back against the chair as I begin to feel heavy and tired. How long had I been here anyways? And how long had I been awake? There was no way to tell time in this stupid white room. 

My vision starts to blur and I realize that whatever he had injected me with had taken effect but I’m too tired to care, and certainly too tired to do anything about it. My head rolls to the side and I struggle to make myself look up at David who is watching me carefully as my eyes close and darkness claims me. 

I wake up sitting in a puddle of water, leaning on glass. I look around in confusion at the familiar site of the inside of a glass tank. It occurs to me that it isn’t a familiar site to everyone but I shake my head to clear that thought. I groan in pain as I stand up, looking down at myself. I’m wearing dauntless black but the fabric bulges as if it hides bandages. The water rises to my knees and I make myself focus. “Seriously?” I say with a laugh as I stand, the water up to my knees now. “We’ve been over this David!” I yell, knowing that he is watching the simulation. I can’t help but roll my eyes as I reach out and touch the glass. 

Nothing happens.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5   
Tobias 

The day after we say goodbye to Tris and Uriah, I’m in the dormitory where we had all been staying and packing a bag. There’s not much to pack since we came with almost nothing and acquired little. I toss most of the clothes that the Bureau had given me onto the bed I had been using. We would be going back to Dauntless and I wouldn’t need most of it. My few belongings don’t even begin to fill the duffle bag that had been dropped off. 

I look over at Tris’ bed and hesitate. An urn with what is left of her sits on the bedside table. I look away with a shake of my head and walk over to grab her pillow instead, sitting on her bed. I glance around to make sure I’m alone before pressing it to my face and breathing deeply. I shut my eyes against the wave of pain the squeezes my chest at the smell of wind and wild flowers. I have never considered myself a sentimental person but a sad smile comes to my face as I think of Tris keeping my sweater. I understand her now. It’s like a piece of her. 

The pillow goes into my bag and I kneel to pull out the storage crate from under her bed, sorting through her possessions. I find my black sweater and that is the first thing to join her pillow in my duffle bag. My fingers touch something in Abnegation grey and I pull it out. It’s her father’s shirt that she had refused to destroy in Amity. I fold it carefully and decide to keep it as well. 

I turn when I hear the door open. Christina is standing there, she looks like she had been crying. I’m almost used to that look now. I try to smile at her, trying to comfort her for Tris’ sake. Her eyebrows raise and she lets out a watery, mirthless laugh. She shakes her head as she walks towards me. “It’s ok, Four.” She says, sitting down heavily on Tris’ bed and running her hand over the blanket. “Can’t lie to a former Candor.” 

I look at her for a few moments. “I don’t want to hear about your former faction.” I tell her stone-faced. “You’re Dauntless now.”

It works, she smiles slightly, though I know that may not mean much with most of her initiate class, the people who had become her family, gone. “Yeah, that’s true.” She agrees quietly, looking upwards for a moment. “Think we’ll have a Dauntless to go back to?” She asks without looking at me. 

I shrug though I would be lying if I said that I hadn’t spent a good amount of time thinking about it, and thinking about what I would do without factions. I still meant what I said to Tris, that I didn’t want one faction to define me, but I was still Dauntless. I had always been proud to be Dauntless, it had allowed me to choose a new identity and a new destiny. I don’t give her an answer as I continue to go through Tris’ things. “Would any of this fit you?” I ask her as she watches me. 

Christina is slow to answer. “Probably.” She finally says, leaning over and very hesitantly glancing in. “Is there anything else you think you want?” She asks in a quiet voice, like she was afraid of upsetting me. 

I sigh and shake my head, finally rocking back on my heels and pushing myself to my feet. “No, I’m just…trying to keep busy.” 

“Yeah, me too.” She bends down and grabs a yellow Amity dress. She laughs a little. “I can’t imagine Tris in yellow.” She says, shaking her head, but holding it against her chest. 

“She wore it in Amity.” I’m surprised when it doesn’t hurt to say. I can see her, out in the fields with the Abnegation refugees, helping with the harvest. I close my eyes and I can see her look up and blush as she catches me watching her. 

“I’m sure you both loved being there.” Christina says with a snort, pulling me out of the memory as she sets the dress beside her, picking up a pair of tight pants. I manage a slight smile at that as she continues through the bin. I notice a shake in her hands. 

When Christina holds up Tris’ black jacket, there’s a knock on the door and Christina and I both look up to see Caleb. I can’t help but grimace at the way he looks. His usual prim posture is gone, he’s leaning on the door frame and his face is pale. He doesn’t look at us. “The truck will be ready to go in a couple of minutes.” He says. 

“We’ll be there.” Christina says shortly. She looks away and carefully folds the black jacket but I stare at Caleb for a few moments. 

Despite everything, Tris had loved her brother enough to save him. If she could forgive him, maybe I should try too. I sigh a little. “Hey Caleb.” I call as he goes to leave. He stops and turns to look at me, I look away. “You’ll feel better if you take something for the pain and drink a bottle of water.”

He looks at me strangely for a few moments. “Thanks.” He finally says with what might have been a ghost of a smile. 

I shake my head as I watch him leave and I notice Christina looking at me strangely. “He drank more than half of my flask last night.” I tell her by way of explanation. 

She snorts with laughter and stands up, putting Tris’ jacket and dress in her bag. She stretches and slings the bag over her shoulder. “Let’s go home.” She says. 

I nod slowly and zip my bag up and toss it over my shoulder. I finally turn back to look at the urn that holds what’s left of Tris and I carefully pick it up, holding it close to me. 

Christina and I walk in step through the Bureau and out to where the truck sits waiting for us, everyone giving us a wide berth along the way. I toss my bag up into the back before pulling myself up with a secure grip on the urn. Beside me, Zeke has stepped forward to give Christina a hand. His family is already there, his mother with Uriah’s remains in her lap, along with Caleb, Cara, and Peter. We’re going back to Chicago. We’re going home, or as close a thing to home as any of us have now. I walk along the bench and take a seat, Tris in my lap and my bag between my feet. It isn’t right. I’m not sure it will ever be right again. 

“Caleb.” He looks up from where he sits across from me. My voice is dry and I am relieved that he is so perceptive because he stands and takes the urn from me before sitting down. I nod my thinks before looking down at the floor of the truck. 

Amar gets in the front and slams the door shut before the truck revs to life. We start moving right away and I turn my head and draw back a corner of the canvas that covers the frame of the truck. I feel lighter as I watch the Bureau slowly get farther and farther away. I didn’t expect to feel relief when I left. I didn’t expect to feel anything. I take a deep breath and lean my head back against the framework of the truck, closing my eyes. 

“Four, Four –“ 

Someone has their hands on me and my eyes snap open with a growl. I throw a punch at the face in front of mine but he ducks, releasing my shoulder. I shake my head as I come into focus, realizing that it’s Zeke and I let out a heavy breath. “Zeke.” I huff, taking in a deep breath. “You idiot.” 

Zeke laughs and punches me in the shoulder. “You fell asleep, Four,” He says easily. “Come on we’re in Amity.”

It’s only then that I realize we’re not moving. I can’t believe I slept for so long. I haven’t been sleeping well since coming back to the Bureau but I hadn’t realized exactly how tired I was. I stand and grab my bag, immediately looking around for Caleb – well not so much Caleb as what he carried. 

“Hey it’s ok.” Zeke assures me, grabbing my shoulder. “Caleb has her.” I nod, shaking my head to clear it as I follow him out of the truck. I jump down just behind him and look around me. The sun has gone down and the only light is the main Amity building in the distance. I look away and follow our small group to the train. 

As I pull myself up, I look to Caleb and my breath catches when I don’t see the urn. He catches me looking and he nods towards my left. I look over and I see Christina sitting on the floor wrapped around it. I slide to sit beside her and pat her shoulder. She looks over at me with a slight smile before glancing back down at the polished metal. “Almost home.” She says softly but I can see she’s not talking to me. I can’t help but wonder what we’re going to find when we arrive. 

“We’re going to the school first.” Amar tells us when the train starts to move. “I’ve been in contact with Johanna and she wants a report from you before anything starts to happen.”

“Why the school?” Cara asks. 

“Neutral territory.” Amar tells us. “That’s where the temporary government has been set up. Once they have the information that you all bring, the people of Chicago will decide what to do. You should all know that the United States Government is terminating all of the Genetic Purification Experiments in light of equal rights being given to the Genetically Damaged.”

“But the Bureau won’t be able to force us?” Caleb asks readily. “It will be our decision, what happens to Chicago?”

Amar nods. “The only mandate is that all crimes committed in this most recent war are forgiven. Everyone starts fresh.” 

I tune Amar out and stare out the door as we travel through the darkness. 

The train stops outside the school and if it’s odd for me to just walk off a train, it’s even stranger for Zeke and his family. I can’t help but laugh softly as he steps awkwardly down from the train. “I have never in my life just…gotten off the train at school.” He said, shaking his head. 

Christina hands me Tris’ remains before she jumps down from the train and I hold the urn tightly. When we turn to the entrance, we see Johanna and five others surrounded by twenty guards. 

Zeke and I flank Amar who takes the lead. The other members of Dauntless tighten ranks without having to think and Caleb and Cara fall in at the back. “Johanna.” Amar nods his head in greeting. 

She raises her chin. “You’ve returned.” She speaks to me, not to Amar. I look at the others around me for just a moment and Christina takes the urn from my hands. I step forward as the Dauntless leader who had left the city looking for answers. “Did you find the truth of the Edith Prior video?” She asks me. 

“Some truth, some deception.” I say with my head raised. If she is speaking to me like a member of Dauntless leadership then I need to act like it. I can grieve later, but now I have to do what’s best for Dauntless and Chicago.

She scans our group. “Only one loss was reported when you came into the city last.” She says, eyes almost infuriatingly gentle.

My jaw clenches and I take a slow breath. I can feel the others looking at me. Christina looks like she will step forward but I shake my head at her and she stands down. “Tris Prior made the ultimate sacrifice for this city.” I nod to Christina and she steps forward with the Urn. 

“We’ll remember her like a hero then.” Johanna says. She turns and nods to her guard and half of them peal off to go and open the doors. “I want all of you to give your report inside.”

I look over at Christina and she nods at me before I lead the group forward, following Johanna. She leads us to a seminar room and we all sit around the table. “What has Amar told you?” I ask as I take my seat. 

Johanna smiles. “I would rather have your report without that information.” She says courteously but in a tone broaching no argument. I nod at the suspicion in her eyes. 

“Our city is called Chicago, and it was intended to cultivate Divergents because they are considered genetically pure.” I begin. My eyes flick over to the urn in Christina’s lap and for a moment I want to reach over and touch the smooth metal. I take a breath and look back to Johanna. “They don’t need Divergents to help fight a war, they need them to breed to pass on their genetic purity, nothing more.” I let that information settle on Johanna, her face is blank. “With the increasing violence in the city, the Bureau wanted to reset the experiment using the memory serum that Abnegation possesses. We stopped that from happening and in doing so ensured full rights for everyone in Chicago.”

“Their government will allow us to self govern?” Johanna asks quickly, her eyes piercingly sharp. “We will be able to make our own choices?” 

“That is my understanding, yes.” I say with a nod. 

Johanna is silent for a few moments, taking in the information. “I want you to gather as many of the Dauntless to you as you can.” She instructs, looking at all of us. “Same goes for the Erudite.” She nods at Cara and Caleb. 

Caleb shocks everyone when he shakes his head, a determined look on his face. “I won’t go back to Erudite. I would rather live factionless.”

“The factionless are going to be reorganized into the existing factions.” Johanna responds quickly. “As part of the negotiations with Evelyn, they are to be assimilated back into the population. If you won’t go to Erudite, go to Abnegation, your faction of origin is smaller than ever.” Caleb nods at the instruction but I can see the pained look in his face as he thinks of why the faction has slipped to such numbers. “I need you all to organize your factions, choose five representatives from your factions and come back with them in a weeks time.”

“What will happen then?” It is Zeke’s mother who asks. 

“The council will take a second week to develop no less than three plans for the reorganization of the city – of Chicago, and we will negotiate with representatives of the Bureau and the United States Government.” Johanna spares a nod to Amar. “After which the representatives will return to their factions and present the options for a general vote.”

“And everyone gets a vote?” Caleb asks.

“Every adult member of a faction and factionless over the age of sixteen.” Johanna said. She closes the file in front of her and pushes her chair back, rising to her feet. “I believe we all have the information that we need.” She says in a final tone. We all stand much slower than her. 

The others are whispering to themselves but I walk over to Johanna quickly. There’s another thing I need to know. “Johanna.” I say to get her attention. She waves off an aid and turns to me with her tight-lipped smile. “I need to know what was decided about my father.” I tell her in a quick, quiet voice. 

“Do you want to see him, Tobias?” She asks me kindly. 

I shake my head abruptly. “No, but I want to know if it’s likely.” 

Johanna gave me a small shrug. “You were there at the truce. He is as free to live in the city as anyone else.” I give her a long look. I know her better than to think that she has just allowed a man like Marcus to roam the city. “He’s living in his old home in Abnegation.” She supplies. “He hasn’t left since he went in, someone in the faction brings him food.” 

I nod and sweep past her, following the others out. When we get to train tracks we all hover. I glance to the Dauntless that stand with me and then to the others; Cara and Caleb. “Something tells me that the city still isn’t perfectly safe at night.” I mutter. “Zeke, Peter, can you take Cara back to Erudite? Christine and I will take Caleb to Abnegation.” 

They nod and Amar steps forward. “I’ll take these two back to Dauntless.” He says of Zeke’s mother and sister. Zeke nods his thanks and hands Uriah’s urn to his mother. 

I turn away from them and start walking towards Abnegation. Christina manages to match my pace and Caleb walks right behind us. None of us speak and we don’t see anyone on the streets, not even the factionless. “I could get home on my own.” Caleb finally speaks, sounding uncomfortable. “You don’t have to escort me.”

“And what if you were killed on your way there?” I ask of him, keeping my voice low and steady. “It would mean Tris’ sacrifice was for nothing. I won’t let that happen.”


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
Tris 

_I wake up sitting in a puddle of water, leaning on glass. I look around in confusion at the familiar site of the inside of a glass tank. It occurs to me that it isn’t a familiar site to everyone but I shake my head to clear that thought. “Seriously?” I say with a laugh as I stand, the water up to my knees now. I groan in pain as I stand up, looking down at myself. I’m wearing dauntless black but the fabric bulges as if it hides bandages. The water rises to my knees and I make myself focus. “We’ve been over this David!” I yell, knowing that he is watching the simulation. I can’t help but roll my eyes as I reach out and touch the glass._

__

__

_Nothing happens._

I look at my reflection, and taking a slow breath I steal my shoulders. “This isn’t real.” I tell myself, tapping the glass again. My heart starts to pound, racing as my tapping the glass becomes more frantic. Then I’m not tapping the glass; I’m punching it, kicking it as the water comes up around my waist. I scream as the stress on my body causes more pain. 

I have to calm down, if I calm down all of this will stop. Slow my heart rate, slow my breathing, the simulation will end. I’m panting as the water rises to my chest and I start to float, groaning as I kick my legs. When I can touch the top of the tank I start to panic. Why can’t I get out? I have never been stuck in a simulation like this. I let out a scream as the water comes higher. 

My face is pressed against the glass when the water covers my face. I flail under the water but I don’t have enough leverage to punch or kick at the sides of the tank. I pat at them desperately though, hoping that I will just take control like I have always done. No one but me gets to dictate what happens in my brain. 

My lungs burn with lack of oxygen and my vision, already blurry from the water starts to go dark. I slam my hand over my mouth. I know that no matter how much my lungs hurt I can’t try to breathe the water. If I try to breathe I will drown and I will die. But it’s getting harder. My brain is getting fuzzy and I can’t think. 

I weakly push on the side of the tank once more before my vision goes dark. I can feel my hand drift away from my mouth but the last thing I think is that there’s nothing I can do now. 

I come to slowly, which shocks me since I usually come out of simulations in a panic. My breathing is slow and rhythmic as my eyes blink open. I wince with pain as I take in a big breath of air, my lungs aching. I shift my head side to side slightly and swallow thickly. 

“Oh, you’re awake.”

My head snaps to the side and I see a pale lab technician with brown curly hair. She looks at me almost apologetically as I look her up and down. “Who’re you?” I ask rudely, looking away as if she was below me. 

“I’m…um…Emma.” She mumbles. 

“Ok.” I say slowly. “So what are you doing here?” I ask her, looking back over at her. I take time to watch her as she fidgets uncomfortably. She fusses, straightening her lab coat and it occurs to me that while I will never get the information from David that I need, I may be able to get this girl dancing to my tune. If I passed an Amity sim I must have an aptitude for it. I’m going to need it now. I try to smile at her. “You’re not supposed to talk to me are you?” I ask her, trying to make my voice soft. 

At my smile she seems to relax a little bit and shake her head. She works on one of the bags. “I’m just supposed to switch out your IV bags and check to make sure all of the instruments are working.” She tells me readily. 

I make myself look away, down to the floor. I hope that I look sad. “I don’t want to get you in trouble.” I tell her quietly, making my voice tremble. “I’m just…scared.” It’s not a lie but if I didn’t need her I would never tell her. 

I look up just in time to see her eyes widen. “Oh…but…you can’t be scared, you’re Tris, you’re Dauntless!” She says passionately. “You’re not afraid of anything.” 

“You know who I- oh…right, everyone here at the Bureau knows who I am.” I lead her on easily, hoping to verify that I am in fact at the Bureau. 

She looks confused for a moment. “The Bureau?” She said quietly. “We’re not at the Bureau, they’re being shut down.” She supplies helpfully as she unscrews the tube from another one of the bags and attaches it to a fresh one. She says it like it’s of no consequence. 

I’m grateful because for a moment I’m sure that there is horror written all over my face. I had been hanging on the hope that I was near Chicago, that given the chance I could run home. “Where are we then?” I ask. I cringe as my voice sounds too chipper, too curious to my own ears, but it’s like she doesn’t even notice. She clearly doesn’t know as much about me as she seems to think.

“We’re at New York University.” She tells me proudly. I know that name...New York. I have to think for a moment before I remember. My blood runs cold. I had heard the name New York only once. It went along with words like east coast and high population density. The population was too high here to support any of the experiments. I’ve gotten way too far away from home. 

“New York.” I finally manage to repeat. The word University is less familiar to me but Mathew had mentioned a university once, somewhere that he wanted to study. “You…study here?” 

Emma blanches and starts to gather the supplies around her. I would almost celebrate her realizing her mistep it if I wasn’t trying to manipulate her into giving me information. “I think I’ve already said to much. David wouldn’t be happy.” She whispers, heading to the door. 

I jerk against my restraints, foolishly trying to reach out for her and she flinches. “He doesn’t have to know.” I hiss, my eyes boring into hers, trying to convince her, I hesitate, realizing the harshness in my voice isn’t going to help me any. “You know how to work the computers? You can wipe the cameras.” I’m talking quickly, hoping to convince her. If David sees that she talks to me I’m sure that I won’t see her again and I need her information. I may even need her as an ally. “I just, don’t want you to get in trouble, you know?” I say more passively. 

Emma stands by the door and then nods at me. “I think I can do that.” She says softly before looking away and slipping out the door. 

As the door shuts I let out a quiet sigh and lay back again. I have nothing to do but wait. I wiggle my fingers and look down at myself. I’m wearing the hospital robe but it’s raised up and I can see a thick bandage wrapping most of my thigh. There is a similar bandage wrapping my entire left arm and the upper half of my right. I know there are bandages under the robe too and I can’t help but feel like I should be in a lot more pain. 

I stretch, trying to look at the bags that are pumping who knows what into my arms. One of them is a similar color to the serum I took for my first bullet wound. I have no idea what the others are meant to do. I sit up straighter and glance around, looking at the mirror. I smile, hoping that if it is Emma inside, working on wiping the video footage of our conversation, that she believes I want to be friends. 

Biting my lip, I lean forward, seeing how close I can get to my straps. My nose just barely grazes my right wrist but it hurts too much to bend to my left. I give the straps another tug and sigh slightly. _What do I know now?_ I ask myself as I relax again. 

_My name is Tris. I was born an Abnegation in Chicago but I chose Dauntless. I am Divergent. War tore Chicago apart and I was able to stop the Bureau from resetting the experiment and wiping everyone’s mind. Uriah is dead. Tobias, Caleb, Christina, and the others are safe but they think that I’m dead. I was shot six times but I am not dead. I am in New York._

Just as I’m finishing my mental catalogue another technician enters. He is older and isn’t surprised to see me awake. I watch him silently, something in my gut telling me that he isn’t going to be as friendly as Emma was. He goes to one of the cabinets and pulls out the familiar serum syringe. I straighten in my seat as I watch him screw on a vial and test the needle. 

“If I’m going to be injected I would like to inject myself.” I say clearly, shying away slightly as he comes near me. He says nothing, he doesn’t even look me in the eye. “I have a history of cooperation.” I assure him quickly. I gasp and close my eyes as he grabs my jaw in a tight grip, forcing my chin up and pressing the needle into my neck brutally. I cry out and my back arches against the restraints. 

As he pulls away, I snarl quietly, breathing quickly. “You tell David I want to see him.” I snap at his retreating back, my breathing coming quicker now. I try to keep my eyes open but they are closed before the man even reaches the door. 

I’m standing in the tank again, the water already to my knees. I let out a whimper of fear that I can’t contain, looking around, hoping to find someone in the room. There’s no one. I can’t keep myself from screaming for help as I slam into the walls of the tank. 

Until now I have been lucky, I have been able to control these simulations while my friends struggled helplessly. The water is up to my chest and I kick uselessly. I steel myself, reminding myself of all the times that I had been trapped in this tank. This is my mind, my hallucination and I am in control. When I open my eyes to my own reflection she looks bold, she looks Dauntless. 

I tap the glass, watching splinters form at the tip of my finger. I tap it again and again until suddenly it shatters with a great crashing sound and I squeeze my eyes shut. 

When I open my eyes again, I am lying on the floor in a dark room and my entire body throbs with a dull pain. I gasp and my eyes widen as I push myself up, my arms nearly collapsing under me. I sit up delicately and touch the bandages. I slowly stand but my legs are weak and trembling from the exertion. How long have I been sitting in that damned chair?

I realize that I must still be under. “My fear landscape.” I whisper to myself, heart starting to race. I don’t know if I’m ready to do it again. 

I hear a quiet shuffle behind me and I try to whip around but my body isn’t ready and I stumble, losing my balance. In that moment two hands shoot out of the darkness, wrapping around my wrists and I let out a scream. I kick backwards, trying to find my assailant but all I hear is a laugh and my own groan of pain. I try to lash out with my elbow but his grip is too strong. 

In another moment, a pair of hands hold my legs as if they’re bound and I’m held down. “Let me go.” I scream. 

A pair of hands starts touching me, running over my waist and chest and I growl, thrashing my body. Unfortunately, even I can tell that my attempts are weak and useless. My body is too weak to fight them and my heart is pounding so hard that it hurts but Tobias’ voice is in my ears. _Lower your heart rate, slow your breathing._

I can barely do it. For a moment I’m still, regulating my breathing. None of this is happening, it’s just a simulation and if I calm myself down it will stop. I wince and whimper at the feeling of their hands but I manage. It’s just like a bad dream and all bad dreams end. 

Only this doesn’t end. The hands holding my ankles spread my legs and I let out a furious growl. His grip is loose for just a moment and I land one good kick. I only see the fist just before it hits my face. 

I open my eyes and as soon as I’m awake I sit bolt up right with a scream dying on my lips. My heart is racing and I’m trembling with pain and fear. I look around but my attackers are gone. It’s over. I slouch over and take a slow shuddering breath, running my fingers through my hair. It’s very nearly past my shoulders now. 

I go still with my fingers still threaded into my hair. I look down at my other hand and my eyes widen. I’m not bound anymore. I’m not even in the same room. I stand and look around the new grey room that I’m in. My legs tremble but it feels good to not be bound to that chair anymore. The room is unadorned. There is a mirror on the wall with the door, a toilet and shower, and a bed. 

I walk towards the door but just before I get there I trip and fall heavily to the floor. I groan, the fall jarring my already aching body. I slowly twist around and look to my ankle. I’m not totally free. A single strap runs from my ankle to the wall. I look at it for a few moments without tugging on it. I think I could get out of it if I was going to have a good opportunity to run. 

I stand and shuffle painfully back to the bed but first I catch myself in the mirror. I am pale and gaunt. My eyes look too big in my head. I gasp as I realize that my left eye is blackened with a bruise. “Oh my god.” I whisper, touching the bruise. The men…it hadn’t been a simulation. A frightened noise escapes me as I stumble back against the bed. I curl up, trembling as I recall being in the tank when the glass had refused to shatter. 

Had that been real too? What exactly was David researching?

_My name is Tris. I was born an Abnegation in Chicago but I chose Dauntless. I am Divergent. War tore Chicago apart and I was able to stop the Bureau from resetting the experiment and wiping everyone’s mind. Uriah is dead. Tobias, Caleb, Christina, and the others are safe but they think that I’m dead. I was shot six times but I am not dead. I am in New York. David is recreating my fear landscape in real life. I do not know the difference between simulation and reality._

“Oh my god.” I whisper again. I watch the door, wondering if someone will come in soon. I glance at the window and wonder who is watching me. I uncurl myself and roll my t-shirt up, wanting to see where the other wounds were. 

One of them is high, just below my shoulder on my chest. The other is just below my hip. I wonder for a moment if I should look at how healed they are. For a moment I don’t want to look. I am irrationally afraid that I will peel the covering back to find a hole or mangled flesh. I shake my head at that thought and begin to gently peel the covering away. 

I have to remind myself to breathe slowly. It looks good. There are stitches holding it closed but even I can see the skin starting to fuse back together. How long have I been here that I am already so healed. I can’t have been awake for more than a couple days.

The days may not have been all at once. I could have met Emma weeks ago or it could have happened today. I have no way of knowing. 

But if I am already so far healed…it could have been a month. I think back to all of the IVs that were in my arm and I look down. Bruises remain but there is no sign of a puncture. I touch the bruises and swallow thickly. 

The longer I am here, the harder it will be for me to get back to Tobias, my friends, and my faction. I can’t afford to sleep anymore. I have to find a way to keep myself awake and alert but I have no idea how. If David is recreating my fear landscape he will have to keep putting me to sleep so that I am disoriented. 

That means I will have to learn to beat him at his own game. If I want to escape, I need to maintain consciousness. In order to maintain consciousness I’m going to have to show David that I can tell the difference between the simulations and reality. Once I can do that this experimenting will have to stop. Or at least this round of experimentation.

I manage a small smile at my plan just before a slide opens in the door and a tray is slid through. There is a syringe waiting loaded for me. A speaker that I didn’t see before crackles to life. “You said you would cooperate, Tris.” David’s voice reminds me. “I want you to cooperate and induce your next simulation.”

I walk to the tray and pick it up slowly but without a second thought. I hold my own gaze and raise the syringe towards the mirror in a mock salute before pressing it into my neck.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7   
Tobias 

Christina and I have to backtrack almost all the way to the school to get to a train platform. We stand in the quiet darkness, not speaking. The world has become too strange, and there is really nothing to say that we haven’t already said.

As it approaches, the train bathes us in light and makes the platform rattle. Christina looks at me unsurely for a moment. I take a slow breath and glance down at the urn in her hands before I give her a small nod and we start to run. Had the last time we jumped onto this train together been with Tris? Probably. Even if it hadn’t been this moment was saturated with memories of Tris; for Christina especially since they had traveled from the choosing together. The train catches up to where we are running and I jump, grabbing the handle. I look to see that Christina is still right beside me, running while I open the door. 

I extend a hand to her and she shoves the urn towards me. I let the pressure push me into the train and I tuck myself around the smooth silver, rolling out of Christina’s way as she takes her moment to jump up, climbing into the train. 

We both sit there, not speaking. It is a companionable silence and I laugh slightly, glancing over at her. “What?” She asks, eyes lighting up in the darkness. 

“You’re just…really not a Candour smart mouth anymore.” I tell her with a smirk. 

She snorts and lays her head back against the wall of the train, shaking her head. “No, I’m a Dauntless smart mouth now.” She assures me. We both manage a laugh at the absurdity of life, the fact that either of us can joke when everything has gone so wrong. When our quiet laughing gives way to silence again a worried look crosses her face. “Do you think we will still have factions when all of this is over?” She asks, picking at her nails. 

“Too soon to say.” I mutter, absent-mindedly running my fingers over the urn in my hands. “It was the factionless who wanted to eliminate the factions-but if we bring them back into fold…” I trail off but Christina nods, she understands. 

Christina stands first when she realizes we’re getting close to Dauntless. I take a deep breath and stand as well. “I am too tired for this.” She mutters. I stand at her side as our roof comes into view. 

I feel my jaw clench and I tighten my grip on the urn with a shake of my head. Without sparing Christina a glance, I throw my bag onto the roof, sure it will be heavy enough. I take a few steps backwards and then run. 

I fling myself into the air, the wind in my face. When I feel myself begin to fall, I curl myself around the urn that I carry, determined to protect it. My shoulder hits the ground hard and I grunt as I tumble over myself. My face drags against the gravel and I squeeze my eyes shut to protect them. I breathe heavily as I stop moving. After a moment I sit up and the first thing I do is check the urn, still in one piece. I smile slightly, knowing that I was successful. 

“Oh nice.” I look up at the sound of Christina’s sarcasm. There’s a grimace on her face and she points at her own cheek. 

I reach up and wince at the sharp sting of pain. I can feel blood against my fingers, and the rough gravel. I sigh and try to brush it away but the look on Christina’s face makes it clear that I didn’t make it any better. I shake my head at her and stand up. My feet crunch on the gravel as I walk to where my bag is. 

Christina is walking towards the hole in the roof and I walk to catch up with her. “There’s a fire escape we can use…if you don’t want to jump.” I try to make the offer nonchalant but I wasn’t really feeling like the fall at the moment.

She stares down into blackness silently for a few moments. “It reminds me over her.” She finally says in a quiet voice. “First jumper a Stiff.” She shakes her head with a sad smile. “She told me her name on the train. She was shy and nervous…but after she jumped it was like she was a different person.” She looks back at me and I can see tears on her cheeks. My chest clenches as I hold back my own grief. “I think she would want to jump one last time.”

I look down the pit with Christina and my chest clenches now not with grief but with fear. It is a long drop. I set my bag at my feet and my fingers dig into the ledge. I know Christina is right but if we’re going to send Tris down like this I don’t feel right sending her with Christina. I know that her best friend would be careful but I would never forgive myself if the urn was damaged when I could have prevented it. 

My heart is racing so fast that it hurts as I stand up on the ledge. I’ve done this before. I know that the net is there, I know that there is nothing to be afraid of. “Toss the bags down after me.” I tell her before I step off the ledge. 

The speed of falling knocks the air out of my lungs and my eyes are wide as I fall through the darkness. My body wants to flail; it wants to grab something to stop my fall, but I don’t flail. I keep myself wrapped tightly around the urn, protecting what remains of Tris. 

I shout when I hit the net and fling back into the air with a sharp cracking noise. I land again and the net shifts under my weight. I let out a huff of air and relax, one hand supporting the urn. “You ok, Four?” I roll my head to the side and see Zeke waiting for me. I nod once and he tugs the net down, helping me to roll off. He takes the urn so that I can jump down.

“Ok Christina!” I shout up to her before turning to Zeke. “How’d you know we’d come in this way?” I ask him as he hands the urn back to me.

He shrugs. “I didn’t, but it is the quickest to get to from Abnegation.” He supplies as the two bags come down and make the net crack quietly. We tug the net to fish the bags off of it. “But Amar is waiting by the ground entrance just in case.”

We hear a shout of joy and look up just before Christina hits the net with a laugh. She bounces for a few moments before Zeke and I pull the net down, dragging her to us. Zeke gives her a hand down. 

The three of us walk together to The Pit. It is so late that even most of Dauntless is asleep. “Do you have somewhere to sleep, Christina?” I ask, knowing that in all the chaos, she had never gotten her own place in Dauntless. 

“I figured I would go back to the transfer dormitory.” She whispered. “One more night to mourn all the losses, you know?” She asks me with a slight smile. “Then tomorrow a whole new life starts.”

I nod to her, knowing that it isn’t just Tris she’s lost, but most of her initiate class. “Do you want company?” I ask gently, finding it difficult to imagine that particular kind of loneliness. Christina glances up at me for a hesitant second before shaking her head and looking back down. “We’ll make finding an apartment for you a priority tomorrow.” I assure her, laying a hand on her shoulder, wanting to honor Tris by taking care of her best friend. 

She smiles at me and nods before jogging off towards the dormitories. “I’m staying with my mom for a while, to take care of the family, you know?” Zeke says when we’re alone. I nod though in reality the idea of family has always eluded me and I had just lost the person that I wanted to spend my life taking care of. “You going to be ok?” He asked me when I don’t offer a response. 

I take a deep breath and almost nod but then I stop. “I don’t know.” I tell him honestly. I manage a tight smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, work to do.” I turn and jog away from him, towards my own apartment. 

I don’t even have to think about the route as I climb stairs and walk down corridors. When I reach my door I test the knob and find it unlocked. I know that I left it that way, thinking I likely wouldn’t be back but I still am hesitant to open the door. I push it open with my foot and quickly press my back to the wall beside me. 

Nothing happens and I come around the doorframe and slip into my apartment. I freeze as the memories rush over me. I don’t remember the two years that I lived here alone. I remember her, wearing my sweater, sleeping in my bed. “God…Tris…” I whisper. 

I set the urn down on the table by the door where I used to toss my keys and silently set my bag on the floor. I move quietly through my apartment, checking for intruders. I open the closet quickly, dodging out of the way before looking inside. I shut the door and move towards my bathroom, the only other place someone could hide. I fling that door open but I’m already confident that no one is there. 

With my apartment fully checked for intruders I go to the door and slowly closed it, throwing the latch and sliding the chain into a locked position. I shake my head, laying a hand on Tris’ urn and slowly hitting my head against the door. “I don’t know how I’m going to do this, Tris.” I whisper. 

I am answered by silence and I let out a scream before punching my door. My knuckles scream with pain but I do nothing but suck a few fast breaths in through my nose before pushing myself away from the door. My hands are gentle as I pick up the urn and move it to my coffee table. 

Before going to my bed I unzip my bag and pull out Tris’ pillow from the Bureau. Carrying it with me, I sit down on the bed and for a few moments I just let myself breathe. I kick my shoes off and I lay down in the bed, closing my eyes and imagining that she is laying beside me. I almost manage before I feel myself start to cry. 

My head is pounding when I wake up and I groan, sitting up and holding my head. I look around my apartment, the sun filling the place with light. I sigh and rub my hand over my face. Shaking my head I stand up from the bed and walk over to my kitchen. I open the cupboard and squint at the dusty cups inside. I take one out and turn the tap on. 

I watch discolored water pour from the tap with my lips pressed together. Letting out a mirthless laugh, I slouch over and lay my head on the counter. “Come on.” I groan. I heave a deep sigh and when I look back up the water is running clear. I shake my head and rinse the cup in my hand before filling it with water. 

Leaning on the counter, I down the water before filling the cup again with a sigh. I walk back to my bathroom and barely give myself a chance to see my bloodshot eyes before I open the medicine cabinet. I pull out a bottle with pain-reliever tablets and I twist the bottle in my hand. They’re expired but I can’t say that I’m surprised; I think that I bought them over a year ago. I blink at the date on the bottle a few times before I shrug and unscrew the cap, shaking out two tablets, and popping them into my mouth. I chase them down with water and grimace as my throat clenches against the solids. 

I clear my throat before finishing the water. I set the cup down and reach into the shower, turning the water on. I shut the door to the shower while I open the cupboard under the sink, pulling out my clean towel. I tossed the one that had been hanging on the peg outside of the bathroom and shut the door. 

By the time I’m getting into the shower, the water is running clear and hot. The heat scalds my skin and I groan, stretching my back and shoulder muscles in the heat. I look around and find my bar of soap on the floor of the shower by my feet. I take my time working it into my hair, still not used to the length. I massage my tired muscles with the soap before I step under the hot water again and rinse off. I stand under the water for a while longer, not willing to leave just yet. For the first time I don’t struggle to just focus on one thing. 

I remember all the work that needs to be done within the week and I sigh before shutting off the water. I toss my head to shake the worst of the water from my hair before stepping out of the shower to dry myself off with the towel. I rub my face aggressively. Either the tablets or the shower had worked to clear my headache and now I just felt tired and heavy. I wonder how long that will last. 

When I walk into the canteen, people are eating lunch and for a moment it could have been any day. There are more here than I had hoped, after everything that had happened. My eyes scan the room of rowdy Dauntless, hearing the happy yelling and watching some of them push each other around; some even start fighting but the laughter gives away the playfulness. I realize as I’m looking around that I’m looking for Tris. I suck in a deep breath to steady myself and while I do the room goes quiet. 

There are still ripples of whispers and some people nudge their friends, making them be quiet. Everyone is staring at me; the last remaining leader of Dauntless. My lips tighten. I had taken up leadership thinking that I would be the youngest of them and therefore the lowest rank but the others are all dead now. 

Zeke comes jogging up to me and claps my shoulder. “We couldn’t get them quiet before.” He whispers, he nods towards the ledge that most faction leaders addressed Dauntless from. “Do you want to make the announcement?” I look up to the ceiling, taking a deep breath before I nod, still not looking at him. 

I take two big strides and jump up to the nearest table, not wanting to stand where Max and Eric had stood as traitors dominating us. “Listen up!” I holler to everyone, though it is unnecessary. From the moment I began to move they had fallen completely silent. “The city has suffered tragedy.” I take a long pause. “Some of them still blame us but Dauntless has suffered tragedy too.” There is a murmur of assent and some slam their cups against the table. “But it’s time that the fighting stops and we rebuild our lives. That means everyone in this city; all the factions and the factionless.” I look around. “All crimes committed during the war are to be forgiven and next week a council will convene to come up with solutions, plans for where our city goes from here.” There are murmurs at the announcement of forgiveness and I call for quiet again. “Tomorrow I need every adult member of Dauntless to meet here to make nominations for the council and in five days we will meet here again to vote for five members of Dauntless to send to the negotiations.” People still stare at me, unsettled. “We are Dauntless.” I tell them strongly. “We are the warrior faction, charged with the defense of this city. If any faction is strong enough for this it is us!”

That is what they need to hear because suddenly cries of “Dauntless!” Are going up all around me. I give them a tight lipped smile and jump down from the table. The energy suddenly goes out of me and I think I will fall before Zeke pushes me towards where he had been sitting. “Let’s get some food in you.” He says, pushing me into the bench. 

The trays on the table are empty of food but Christina slides me a full plate. “Nicely done, teach.” She says playfully. I shake my head but shoot her a grateful look for saving me the food and quickly start to eat. 

The next day, Amar advises me to stand where I can be seen by everyone, back to that ledge that too many will just see Eric on, but I refuse him, knowing that I’ll be seen just as well if I’m up on the tables. After breakfast is done being served, everyone over sixteen sits in the canteen, waiting for me to speak. With the tables clear, I jump up on the central one and walk to the center. 

“Who has a nomination to make?” I ask without preamble, my eyes scanning the crowd. 

“We want to know what happened!” A voice shouts from near the back. “We know that a group left the city to find out what was out there after the Edith Prior video. What did you find?”

I hear a murmur of assent around me and I look around. “Our city is called Chicago.” I tell them after a few moments, trying to keep it as simple as possible. “We are one of several cities that were founded with the intent of creating Divergents. The people out there wanted something from their genes but the experiment is over now and we have to decide how our city is going to be run. That is why we need representatives to this council.” I press the matter at hand. “We need five people who will fight not just for what is best for Dauntless but what is best for Chicago.”

“So these five people are just going to decide for us?” Someone else shouts. 

“No.” I tell them quickly. “There will be five representatives each from every faction and from the factionless. The council will create potential solutions, then everyone in Chicago over the age of sixteen will have a vote.”

I looked around as they murmured to one another. “Now we need nominations.” I remind them. “If you are nominated and accept I need you to step onto the table nearest you.

“I nominate Four.” Christina’s voice is quick and I look at her sharply but there are shouts of assent around her. I take a deep breath and give a hard nod. I don’t want it, not really, but I could do it in Tris’ memory, somehow validate her sacrifice by stabilizing Chicago now that she has saved it. 

“I nominate Shaunna.” Zeke is the next to speak and I look over to them. She looks at him with wide eyes but he just smirks at her, picking her up out of the chair so that someone can put the chair on the table before he sets her in it. 

“Alex!” Someone shouts, quickly followed by “Marnie!” and “Liza!” Then there is silence. 

I look around at the other four who have been elevated as the silence drags on. All of them had been true to Dauntless. None of them had betrayed us to support Erudite and I liked the look of the group. Two Dauntless born and three transfers; myself from Abnegation, Shauna from Erudite, and Liza who had been from Candor. “Any other nominations?” I call. More silence answers me and I let several minutes go by. 

“In which case there will be no need for an election.”


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8   
Tobias 

I am exasperated and exhausted when I sit down to lunch after days of being constantly questioned by my faction. The council to determine the fate of Chicago is tomorrow and I have been harassed with questions about the outside, about the Bureau, and about what will happen during these council meetings. I miss how simple life was, and how invisible I felt, before all of this when I worked in security or even as an instructor of the new initiates. I pile food onto my plate, surrounded by the people I trusted to keep myself sane, or at least trusted to not ask me questions. 

They are all uncharacteristically quiet, which isn’t exactly what I wanted either. Zeke was trying to act normal but Shaunna kept shooting glances at me and Christina’s forehead was tense. For a few minutes I ignore them as I eat, hoping that they will all get themselves together. I’m not sure what’s wrong with them. They all know what’s going on, they understand exactly what we are risking because they know what is outside the wall. After a few minutes it’s clear that they are not going to act like themselves anytime soon and I put everything down, looking around at them. 

“Alright what’s going on?” I ask, stopping a grimace at the tiredness in my own voice. 

“Nothing’s going on.” Shaunna supplies readily and I raise an eyebrow at her, before looking at Christina, I can usually depend on her face being too honest but she’s not looking at me. Instead she’s looking pointedly at Zeke. I look at him to. 

He raises his hands in defence and I realise that my hands are in fists on the table. “No, Four, she’s right.” He assures me as I relax slightly. “Nothing’s going on.” He takes a breath, “We’re just…” A pained look crosses his face. “We’re going to scatter Uriah’s ashes today-tonight.” He corrects himself quickly. “We’re doing it at the pit. Will you be there?”

I am conscious of them all staring at me and I press thoughts of our losses down. I nod. “If you want me there I will be there.” I assure him, clapping him on the shoulder. I turn back to my food, expecting the tense moment to pass. 

The minutes tick by as I try to eat and the tension doesn’t go away. The others aren’t eating. I smack my silverware on the table. “What?” I demand in a growl 

“Christina…” Zeke says slowly, clearly warning her off, holding eye contact with her sternly until she looks away, looking down at the table. 

I watch her shoulders rise and fall twice before she speaks, her voice uncharacteristically unsure and hesitant. “What about Tris?” 

We are all silent. No one had said her name so casually since she had…died and for a horrific moment I hear the sound of Tris’ scream, as if she had been pushed from the top of the chasm and then the urn shattering at the bottom. I hear quiet whipping noises but I’m just staring at the table. I realize that it’s the sound of my own breathing, coming too fast and not taking in enough air but I can’t get control of it.

“Four.” Someone says my name and touches my shoulder. I jerk my shoulder, making the hand drop from me. 

I look up at Christina sharply and stop breathing all together so I can speak. “What about Tris?” My voice is low. 

Christina meets my gaze and holds it. “We need to say goodbye to her too, Four.” She says slowly. Her eyes look down for a moment before she covers my hand with hers. “You need to say goodbye.”

“We said goodbye.” I say shortly, pulling my hand away. “We said goodbye at the Bureau.” My tone is final and I make a point of picking up my fork and stabbing the pasta on my plate. 

“It’s like she’s still hovering over us!” Christina snaps at me, raising her voice. “And not in the stupid sentimental way.” Zeke tries to interrupt her but she’s only getting more angry. “We’re on eggshells with you because half the time you’re big scary leader of Dauntless and the other half the time you look like you’re going to break.” 

I slam my hand against the table and throw a punch. She ducks it cleanly and Zeke gets a hold of my arm. I jerk an elbow back at him but he doesn’t release me, his grip doesn’t even falter. I snarl as he gets both arms pinned against me, one of his feet pressing onto mine to keep me pinned before I notice the room around us has gone quiet. I go still as I feel all the eyes on me and I let the tension go out of my muscles. “What do you want from me, Christina?” I ask, refusing to look at her and yanking free of Zeke’s grip when it loosens. 

She looks at me sadly. “I want to be able to think of Tris without wanting to cry.” She says passionately, “I want to be able to say her name without feeling like it will come out as a scream instead. We’ve all suffered too much.” Her voice is gentler now and I look away guiltily. “I know you’re hurt. You think I don’t know? I lost the person I love too, remember?”

I look at her when she reminds me of Will and I nod. She’s right. I know that I have to move on, and for the first time I see that the more I cling to Tris the harder it is for the people around me to move on with their lives. Eventually I have to start moving on from grief and not just cling to it like a security blanket. “Not the chasm though.” I finally say in a resigned voice. “Not for her…not after Al.” Christina shuts her eyes against the memory and nods. “I’ll think about…what to do.”

The table is silent again and I turn back to my food, making myself eat even though it is dry and tasteless in my mouth now. A few moments later the others go back to eating as well. “Thank you.” Christina says quietly. 

The pit is dark when everyone gathers. Uriah’s family had been a part of Dauntless for generations, probably since the Chicago experiment had started. A lot of people knew them and all of them came. The pit is wild with activity; dancing, fighting, and screaming. It was much more alive than the Dauntless ceremony that we had given them both at the Bureau. I’m sure this is exactly what Uriah would have wanted. He would love it. 

I fight my way through the crowds who clap me on the back and try to shove drinks into my hands. I can’t help but laugh at my faction. As much as this is an expression of grief, it is also a celebration. Having a Dauntless ceremony means that things are getting back to normal. That so many are here means that we are as unified as a faction as we have ever been. It means that we can and will come back from the tragedies that have befallen us. 

Zeke is laughing with a handful of his friends. I stand back with a grin as they push and shove each other near the mouth of the chasm, shaking my head. Some things about Dauntless would never change. It’s hard to explain to the other factions why we enjoy flirting with danger. 

As a transfer I still don’t understand sometimes. A spike of pain shoots through me when I think of Tris throwing herself into danger just because... and how I threatened to leave her if she didn’t stop. “You alright?” I shake my head and turn to look at Christina. I hadn’t noticed her approach.

“How long have you been standing there?” I ask her, glancing back to the party. 

“Just a minute or so. You ok?” 

I nod towards Zeke and his friends as one of the girls almost goes off the edge just before another catches her hand and yanks her closer with a laugh. “I was watching the Dauntless born flirt with death.” I tell her. She continues to look at me expectantly and I sigh, running a hand over my head. “Right after we came back from Amity…Tris was running into danger without cause, it was like she was trying to get herself killed.” I can just make out Christina’s brow knitting in my peripheral vision and I sigh heavily, the regret heavy in my chest. “I told her that if she didn’t stop…I would leave her.” I let out a humourless laugh. “I just…I never told her that I never could have done it.” I shake my head at the absurd thought. But I can’t help but look over at Christina, my face tense. The girl I love went to her death thinking that I could have left her. 

Christina looks at me oddly for a moment but then a little smile comes to her face. “You’re both idiots.” She says with a shrug. “Her for believing it for even a minute and you for thinking now that she believed it at the end.” The moment is broken as she punches me in the chest with a smirk before throwing me a challenging look and running off through the crowd. 

I shout and chase her, unable to contain my laugh. I don’t know if I’m finally learning to let go or if it’s the people all celebrating around me but it feels like real joy and I latch onto that feeling. 

Christina is hiding behind Zeke who laughs at us both. “I thought you were Dauntless!” I shout to Christina. “Dauntless don’t hide!”

She widens her eyes comically at me and darts to the side. She turns to see me chasing her and I realize too late how close to the edge we had gotten. She lets out a scream as she starts to fall. I watch her start to drop over the edge and I throw myself forward until I can catch her hand. We both stop moving as one; me on my stomach at the edge of the chasm and her wrist trapped in my hand as she dangles. I haul her up with a grunt until she’s laying beside me. 

We both lay there laughing. Her face is in her hands and I can see that despite her amusement she is shaking slightly. “How’s that for Dauntless?” She manages in a shaking voice.

I shake my head at her. “Definitely Dauntless.” I gasp with a heavy breath. 

Suddenly Peter is standing over us with a strange face. “You both good?” He asks as we get our laughter under control.

I roll my head to the side and look at Christina and she and I both start laughing again. “Hey!” I sit up and look towards Zeke who had shouted. He was standing on top of a rock over the chasm. I stand up and pull Christina to her feet “Tonight we’re here to say goodbye to my brother, Uriah.” Around us, people start to chant his name and Christina and I join in. Zeke holds up a hand to get quiet. “So if anyone wants to say anything about him, now is the time.”

People start to yell things into the pit. His friends all saying how much they had loved him. I notice Christina fidgeting beside me and I look at her strangely. She shakes her head at me and I raise my voice in the next silence. “Uriah was the top of his class of initiates.” I say proudly. “He was headed for straight for Dauntless leadership and even though we fell apart, he was Dauntless to the end, Dauntless enough to explore a world that none of us even knew existed.” A cheer goes up when I stop speaking and I walk over to Zeke, standing below him and nodding. He’s been getting more emotional the more people speak but I think only his friends would notice. 

“I didn’t know Uriah for very long.” I look to where Christina is shouting. “But he and I both lost someone important at about the same time. That brought us together and I was really proud to call someone so brave and strong my friend.” 

Another cheer went up and we listened as more people praised Uriah. When no one else had anything left to say. Uriah’s mother brought the sharp black box forward that contained Uriah’s ashes. Everyone watched in solemn silence as she handed it to Zeke who held it above his head. “To Uriah!” He screamed. 

“Uriah!” We all screamed in return. At the call of his brother’s name, Zeke tossed the box upwards over the chasm and the box opened up, the ash pouring out like a cloud. “Dauntless! Dauntless! Dauntless! Dauntless!” we all chanted as the box and ashes fell into the rushing sound of the chasm. 

When it had all vanished from site a loud cheer went up and I offered Zeke a hand down, clapping him on the back. He nods his thanks to me and slips away to be with his family. 

The next morning I stand waiting for the train with Shaunna, Alex, Marnie, and Liza. I made sure to arrange a train that would actually stop for Shaunna’s sake though I couldn’t help but grin at the idea of figuring out how to get her onto a moving train. Shaunna catches my grin and punches me in the hip. “Get that look off your face.” She says with a scowl. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“How?” I demand with a laugh, sidestepping her next punch.

“Because Zeke has already made the joke.” Shaunna complains, sitting deeper into her chair with a huff. 

I clap her on the shoulder. “I’m sorry.” I say genuinely. “But I’m actually sure that we could make it work if we had to.”

I look at the team around me as the train pulls up. We took the initiative to go around Dauntless. We already know what our faction wants. They want to remain a faction and so do we. The members of Dauntless don’t agree on everything but they do agree on wanting to retain the faction system. 

The train stops in front of us and I bend down to help Shauna to her feet. She can’t walk but with enough will power she can stand while Alex puts her chair in the train. Marnie comes to her other side and between the two of us we get Shauna into the car and back into her chair. I could have just carried her but I know better. This maintains her dignity. She sticks her tongue out at me but she shoots me a grateful look anyways and I nod at her as the train starts to move. 

A small smile lights my face as the train rushes through the city. When we returned to the city a week ago (had it really only been a week?) it had looked completely desolate, people were out and about now. Amity was bringing truckloads into the city again and people were trying their best to go about their daily lives. 

Liza comes up beside me and smiles, pushing her golden curls behind her ear. “We’re all going to be ok, aren’t we?” 

I nod slowly. “I think we just might, Liza.” 

We get off when the train stops and I take lead while the other four fall in behind me. Abnegation is arriving at the same time though they walk in a less-organized cluster. I see a pale faced Caleb among them and I incline my head. He sees the question right away and raises his hands helplessly. 

“I wanted to be here the least.” He says. 

I can’t help myself, I laugh at him, shaking my head and clapping his shoulder. “Yeah well, you know what? You and I can both work for the world your sister would want then.” 

Caleb tenses and looks at me nervously, grief in his eyes, before he looks modestly to the ground. I understand immediately and it makes my shoulders tense. He can’t talk about his pain in Abnegation, that would be like talking about himself and that would be selfish. I incline my chin and step forward, my hand moving from his shoulder to a steel-like grip on his arm and pulling him a number of paces away from the others. He doesn’t resist me and despite myself I feel sorry for him. I’ve been able to grieve in Dauntless and I’ve had people around me who have helped me to do so. He hasn’t had that kind of support. “Sneak away and come to Dauntless for dinner.” I tell him before shoving him away lightly. 

My eyes flick from the other eight representatives we had walked away from and quickly back to Caleb. He looks confused for a moment. It makes me want to shake him since I’m trying to do him a favor. Realization dawns in his eyes and he finally nods sharply, walking back to his faction where he smiles sheepishly and apologizes for being dragged away. I shake my head after him and nod to my own faction.

We all go inside where the other factions and factionless representatives have already arrived and are seated around a massive table. Johanna smiles at us, and based on the count in the room I guess that she will be functioning as moderator. “Now that Abnegation and Dauntless have joined us, we can begin.” 

Hours later, my head is pounding. We have one major choice to make. Do we dissolve the faction system or do we keep it. I said very little all day. The other Dauntless representatives are vocal enough to make up for my silence and I served them better by listening. Amity seems to think that the faction system caused too much conflict, and the other three factions are divided. The factionless have spent half of the meeting criticizing the factions in general. 

After another particularly unhelpful outburst from the factionless I snap. “Look!” I yell. “We all acknowledge that how we dealt with initiates that didn’t make it through initiations was unfair. However there are other ways to make it right without simply dissolving the factions.” 

Shauna nods quickly. “The Dauntless love our faction.” She adds almost desperately. “Please, it should at least be an option in the vote.”

Everyone looks shocked at the combination of a Dauntless apology and a Dauntless plea in the same moment and the factionless even seem surprised enough to agree.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
Tris 

I’m in a field when I open my eyes and the field goes as far as I can see. I let out a relieved laugh. There’s no way that this is real. They wouldn’t be able to control me if it was and I could just run away. I could run all the way from New York to Chicago if I really wanted to. 

I take a couple deep breaths as I wait for what I know is coming. When I hear wings flapping in the distance I don’t panic, I turn to face them with a hard look in my eyes. My heart is pounding more with fear than adrenaline as the birds surround me. They claw at my skin and I protect my face. 

The birds swarm so tightly around me that it is easy to grab one in my hand and I squeeze until I feel a crack and I throw the broken thing away. I fight through them like I have done so many times before until the hallucination dulls and I sit up, feeling successful. 

I breathe deeply as I look around the cell that they put me in. For a moment my stomach flutters when I think that Tobias would be proud of the speed that I took control of that simulation. I’m just thinking that when the door opens and David comes in. I straighten up. 

“Brave of you to come in here.” I say simply. “I could kill you with my bare hands.”

David shrugs. “You have nothing to gain from killing me.” He assures me. “There are five armed guards just outside the observation room and they have instructions to shoot on sight.”

I’m not surprised by the information but I am surprised that it was given so readily. The number of guards is as valuable to me as our location. I settle back, raising my chin. “So what you’re saying is; I could let you torture me and perform whatever weird experiment you want for the rest of my life which will likely be short or I can get my small revenge by breaking your neck now and your guards will put me out of my misery.” I stand, feeling strong in that realization and eager to call his bluff. “Easy choice.” I say as I walk quickly towards him. My chest bubbles with pleasure as I watch him back away. The moment is short lived as I gasp and stumble when I reach the end of the line that tethers me to the wall. My face turns red with embarrassment and fury as he laughs at me. He’s just out of reach and I toss my head angrily. 

Something catches my eye and I turn my head, running my fingers through my hair which has grown to past my shoulders. I shake my head and I focus on David. 

“You’re too weak to hurt me.” He says calmly. “Even I could fight you off now.”

“I’ve fought injured before.” I say, walking back to the bed and sitting down in an attempt to seem nonchalant, as though I couldn’t be bothered that he was in the room. My legs were exhausted from just a few moments of walking but I don’t want him to see how tired I am. 

David smiles as if at some joke in his head. “So you have.” He says amicably. “Tell me how you feel now.” He prods. 

I wonder if he’s joking. “Why?” I ask suspiciously. 

“Well you were shot six times.” David says calmly, leaning back on the door. 

I look down at my arms. “The bandages…” I whisper. They’re gone. My arms are decorated in angry red scars but they look like just that, scars. The stitches have been taken out. I touch my legs where the bandages had been. There’s nothing there.

I touch my hair again and David nods. “I think you’re catching on.” He says with a slow smirk coming to his face. “See Jeanine had it wrong back in Chicago. She didn’t need to make promises to get you to cooperate. She just had to keep you unconscious.”

My heart is racing and I’m shaking my head as I struggle to get a full breath into my lungs. “This isn’t real.” I breathe. “This isn’t real.” 

David just laughs. “I assure you it’s real.” He says easily. “You might have already been here for years. 

My stomach turns and I’m sure that I’m going to throw up. I cough violently, my whole body shaking. “I…I haven’t eaten, or showered…” I protest weakly. 

“We’ve taken care of all of that.” David assures me in a pseudo-kind voice, watching me with some weird curiosity as I try to breathe. My breath is hissing into my lungs but something else is hissing too. I look around but I don’t see anything. 

“Why?” I whisper, rubbing furiously at the tears in my eyes. “Why are you telling me?” 

“So that you will understand your situation.” David says quietly from the doorway. He knocks on it and it opens. “So that you will understand that I have total control of you and so you know you will never escape me.”

My vision went black before he was even out the door.

I sit up with a cry of fear, looking frantically around the room. No one is there. I raise my hands to touch my hair and doesn’t reach my shoulders, let alone fall past them. I let out a whimper of relief. It was a sim, some new kind of simulation. I may have been in this room for weeks, but not years. 

I run my hands over my arms, gently touching the scars which are tender to the touch but otherwise not too painful. I was healing and that can only be a good thing. 

I stand and start to pace the room. My legs are weak underneath me but I have to get them working again after being injured and in this bed for who knows how long. I have to be strong or I will never escape. David probably thought that the simulation would scare me into complacency and cooperation. It won’t work, not on me. I will never give up hope. 

Sooner than I would like, I get tired and have to sit back down. My breathing is heavy and I frown at myself. That was going to have to change. If I can barely pace the room I will never be able to run away and I will certainly never get back to Chicago. I’m not idle once I sit, I start to stretch my arms, working more blood into them. 

The door opens and I look up to see Emma. There’s a tray of food in her hands. “Emma!” I breathe with relief. 

She spares me a little nervous smile. “I’ve turned the camera off.” She admits shyly, putting the tray in front of me. 

The meal is meager; two slices of bread, a couple pieces of cheese, and a bowl of soup, but it’s food and I’m grateful. More than that, I’m grateful Emma has come again. “I was afraid you had gotten caught.” I whisper to her, a piece of bread raised to my mouth just in case there was anyone watching. 

“No…I didn’t.” She assures me. “I wiped the footage just like you said. You were asleep the last couple of times I’ve seen you.” 

“You’ve been feeding me?” I ask in a whisper as I dip the bread in the broth. I groan with pleasure at the taste of food in my mouth, even food as plain as this. 

“We gave you everything that you needed in an IV.” I nod but the information isn’t surprising to me. I turn my arms over and wince at the large purple marks from needles. 

I stare at her. I know better than to just ask her for help. It would scare her off. “I’m so scared every time I fall asleep or get injected.” I admit to her, leaning on every ounce of candour that I have in me. “I never know what’s going to happen.”

Emma looks at me apologetically. I want to scream but I have to keep my face passive. I don’t know how to use this girl. “Is he going to kill me?” I finally ask in a whisper, breaking the cheese into tiny pieces. 

She gasps at the suggestion and I figure that if David does plan to kill me she doesn’t know about it. “I…I don’t think that he would do that.” She says in her mousey little voice. 

I drain the soup and I get up and pace again. Maybe with a little bit of food in me I will be able to go longer. I just need to do something besides sit there. I look at myself in the mirror as I pace. “Do you work in the observation room?” I ask suddenly. Emma nods but before she can speak I’m continuing. “I find computers so interesting. When I was at the Bureau they gave me a little one that I could hold and it had my mothers journal entries.” I force myself to look wistful instead of sad when I think of my mother. “I don’t suppose I could have one of those…just for when I’m sitting in here.” 

Emma looks nervous. “Someone would see you use it. There’s other technicians besides me.”

“You could knock on the window to tell me it’s safe.” I assure her. I’ve paced twelve times and my legs are too tired to continue so I go and sit down. She looks suspicious and I look down modestly, as if I’m embarrassed. “It’s just that my mother always talked about David so fondly and I wish I could see him the way she did.” 

The lie tastes foul in my throat but I can see that praising Emma’s supervisor, or maybe he’s her mentor, was effective but she still shakes her head. “You could use it to get in contact with someone on the outside. We’re learning so much from you…”

I feel sick and any guilt that I had been harboring for using this girl went out the window. I smile at her and shake my head. I put on my best Abnegation face and offer her a piece of cheese despite my growling stomach. She looks surprised at the offer and takes it, eating with me. “I don’t really know how to do all of that stuff. We didn’t have computers in Abnegation and I never used them in Dauntless. I only ever used one to read my mother’s journal.”

Emma is smiling at me and I know that offering the stupid piece of cheese made her trust me. An Abnegation would never do anything so selfish as try to escape if they were getting such valuable research. It is hard for me to not reach out and choke her. It would be so easy. 

“I’ll get you one.” Emma assures me as she stands up, taking the tray. 

I squeeze my eyes shut hard and when I open them I can feel tears swimming there. “Thank you.” I whisper to her, watching her leave the room. I lay down on the bed and face the wall. I grin. I may not know how to operate one of those things now, but I will learn. 

Hours later, I’m trying to entertain myself by seeing how long I can pace for when the flap in the door is opened again and a needle is slid in. I don’t even need to be told. I walk over and pick it up, taking it back to the bed. I sit down and carefully move my hair to the side before pressing it into my neck, staring unblinking at the mirror as I draw it out again. 

I try to keep my eyes open. I try to focus on the real world but I fail. 

I’m standing when I open my eyes again. I had woken up on the ground the last time I had been in real situations. This is a simulation then. That’s good. I know simulations; I can deal with simulations. 

When I try to turn around I realize that I’m bound with my arms behind my back. I stiffen and look down. I’m in the dark but I can just make up the bits of wood that surround me. 

I remember this from my fear landscape. Dark shapes appear around me just as I expect and they’re holding torches. I can feel the heat radiating from them even at the distance and I can’t help but struggle in fear. I close my eyes as I hear the torches crackle. I think of rain falling and putting the torches out before they even light this pyre that I’m tied to. 

I struggle, opening my eyes and looking upwards. “Rain!” I groan as the torches come forward. I don’t panic when they light the sticks around me but my heart is racing. I have to slow my heart rate or this won’t stop. I shake my head and take a deep steadying breath. “Rain.” I whisper desperately, trying to imagine the feeling on my face. 

My legs are already too hot and I let out a scream as one of the flames licks my legs. I squeeze my eyes shut, biting my lip and telling myself again that it will rain, that it has to rain. 

I hear the hissing first, and then with a sigh of relief, I feel water hitting me and stopping the fire. 

My vision goes black again. 

I sigh when I wake up and I run my fingers through my hair. I don’t think the simulation had any lasting effect on me so I sit up, looking around. 

Emma enters as if she had just been waiting for me to wake up and she is carrying another tray of the same food. My eyes light up as I realize she is carrying something under the tray. 

“Do you think I did ok on that last simulation?” I ask, trying to act vulnerable for her benefit. 

Emma tilts her head to the side. “Simulation?” She asks “That wasn’t a simulation.” 

I freeze and look at her as she sets the tray down in front of me. I don’t believe her. She may be innocent and more than a little bit stupid but she is working for David and he wants me to be unsure. I won’t be. I knew it was a simulation because I demanded rain and rain came. I had been in control. 

I eat quietly, dipping the bread into the soup again. I look at her furtively a couple of times. “Emma, how long have I been here?” I ask hesitantly. 

She stands up. “I’m not supposed to say…I’m not even supposed to be talking to you.” She says anxiously. “I should go.” 

She walks quickly towards the door but I throw out a hand to stop her. “No wait please!” I beg. “I’m sorry, I’m just lonely and scared.” I insist. I pick up a piece of cheese. “Here, you can eat with me.” 

It works and she comes back over with a hesitant smile. I watch her eat the cheese. “I don’t want you to get in trouble.” I assure her. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore…but when you’re in the observation room you could make it brighter in there and darker in here. If I could just see you I would feel less lonely. Even if it was too dangerous to talk.”

Emma nods eagerly. “I could do that.” I can see that she’s relieved that she won’t have to endanger herself by talking to me anymore. She takes my empty tray of food and smiles at me as she leaves the room. 

I had been right. Under the tray, she left behind a little tablet like the one I had used at the Bureau, and if she was going to change the lights so that I could see into the observation room then I have everything I need. I have the tablet that I could use to make contact and I can watch her using the computers so that I have the knowledge I need. I have hope.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
Tobias 

When we get onto the train after the first day of negotiations, Caleb is already there. He hovers just out of view of the door. “What are you doing here?” Alex asked, standing taller and flexing as if to scare the Stiff. 

I lay a restrictive hand on Alex’ shoulder. “I invited him.” I say quietly. “Problem?”

The older man looks at me strangely. “We can’t have a Stiff in Dauntless.” He argues with me. 

“Caleb and I have business.” I walk past Alex and the others to offer my hand to Caleb. He stands taller and for a moment I can see pride flash in his eyes. I have to look away from the gaze that reminds me too much of her. His handshake is strong too, too strong for an Abnegation. I find myself momentarily disgusted “Erudite left their mark.” I tell him coolly. 

I may as well have hit him judging by the look on his face. For a moment I want to apologize but I resist, deciding to let him sweat for a while...and maybe purge the last of that Erudite arrogance too. 

We all ride the train quietly, some of my fellow Dauntless throwing Caleb distrustful looks until it stops outside Dauntless. I glance at Caleb while he looks around with confusion and I snort at him. “You think we always jump to get in?” I ask him. He’s been here before but he may not have noticed considering he had been running in the opposite direction to catch the train and escape. 

As we all step off the train, the others walk faster to get past Caleb and I. When we’re alone I squeeze his shoulder just for a second before pulling my hand away. “You don’t have to pretend you’re ok here.” I offer in a quiet voice. 

Caleb nods and I lead him wordlessly to my apartment, knowing better than to take him to the canteen where all of Dauntless would be eating. “Don’t go anywhere.” I command him before slipping out the door again. 

I jog to the canteen and head to my usual table where Shauna is whispering to the others. She looks up at me judgmentally while the others look at us both doubtfully. “You brought an outsider in.” She hisses. 

I roll my eyes at her as I start to fill a plate with food for two. “Caleb of all people?” Christina’s voice is more hurt than judgmental and I give her a hard look. 

I sigh as I feel their eyes on me, waiting for an explanation.I glance around at all of them again. “Look, the thing you guys don’t know about Abnegation is that any emotion you feel is considered to be selfish. He looked like shit when we saw him this morning.”

“How can you even look at him?” Christina demands, slamming her hands on the table and whipping around to face be directly. “It should be him and-“

“Just stop.” I cut her off firmly, tempted to cuff her, my hand tensed at my side. “At the end,” I hesitate, taking a steadying breath “Tris loved her brother enough to go to the vault so that he wouldn’t die. I’m doing it for her sake, not his.”

They all stare at me silently as I finish putting food on the plate. Christina finally nods, her jaw tight, and I know that at least she understands. I nod at the group of them before leaving with the plate loaded with food. 

When I open the door to my apartment, Caleb jumps. He was standing by the urn and when he looks at me I see tears on his face. I don’t try to smile or comfort him and my chest tightens, knowing that this evening isn’t going to be easy. I set the plate on the metal table in the kitchen and grab two other plates out of my cabinet. “Hungry?” 

He nods and comes over. We sit down to a silent meal. Only when the food is nearly gone does Caleb speak. “I couldn’t have stopped her.” He says. My muscles tense and I look up, hoping that he’s just going to leave it at that. “She put a gun to my head.” When he laughs it sounds like it hurts him. “I…I thought she was going to shoot me for revenge.”

I just stare at him, not sure what to say or do. I’m not even sure if I want to hear this story. “They stopped shooting at us because she said I was her hostage.” I notice that my hands are in fists on the table and my knuckles are white. “She demanded the backpack and I could hear more guards coming and she just ran.”

I can’t take it anymore. “Why didn’t you chase her?” I demand, slamming my fist on the table. Caleb jumps and I’m surprised too. The words had come out before I had even thought them. 

Caleb flinches and shakes his head. “I thought…the guards were coming and I thought we would both be shot. I thought that I could keep them off of her if they were focused on me. She was so sure she would survive the serum.” Neither of us say anything about the tears on his face. “I would have died for her. I wanted to die for her.” He insists, his eyes desperate and pleading with me. “I couldn’t live with myself after everything that I had done to help Jeanine. I wanted to atone…”

He trails off and I’m not sure if he’s crying too much to speak or if he just ran out of words. His own hands are on the table now but curled as if he could claw through the metal. I understand why Tris did it now and I close my eyes against the pain. I had reminded her that to the Abnegation, to sacrifice yourself was an act of selfless love and that if Caleb wanted to do it then she should let him. That hadn’t been his reason at all. He was doing it to make amends and not just because he loved her. In the end it had been Tris that made the ultimate Abnegation sacrifice, just like their parents. 

I look up at Caleb and wonder if he knows that if he hadn’t been trying so hard to earn Tris’ forgiveness, if he had been more selfless, then it would be him dead and not her. 

After the final day of negotiations, we return to Dauntless with a lengthy document outlining four potential plans for what will happen to Chicago. There are two I believe could win and I don’t think anyone believes in the success of the other two options. 

I made an announcement last night that there will be a meeting lasting all day tomorrow where we will give them their options. They will have a week to consider and then there will be a vote. 

The canteen is uncharacteristically quiet when we enter and everyone looks at us. I feel like they have just been waiting for us to arrive. There are quiet voices but not the usual yelling and horse-play that goes on at Dauntless meals. When we all disperse to sit down, some of the noise comes back. 

“Everything ok here?” I ask Zeke and Christina as I start to pull food onto my plate. 

“It’s been quiet since lunch.” Zeke answers readily. “My best guess would be that people are nervous. No one here wants to lose their faction.”

I nod, knowing the feeling. I have already lost Tris. Dauntless is the last of what I would call my family. “It’s all going to be down the vote.” 

The next morning myself and the other representatives stand on tables again after breakfast has been cleared away. The normal banter is gone, replaced by a tense energy. Before we start, a small fight breaks out and two people pull them apart. 

“In one week, we will all gather here to vote on the future of our faction and our city.” I call to the people around me. “In the past week, myself and the other Dauntless representatives have negotiated with the other factions and the factionless to create options that serve what you told us you want. We did our best for you but the committee had to address not only the desires of the separate factions, but also the problems caused by the separation of the factionless from our society.” There is a rustle around me. Dauntless has never been sympathetic towards the factionless, unsurprising considering a significant part of the factionless population is made up of those rejected from Dauntless initiation. “Let me make one thing very clear, the factionless will be included in our new society. This is not an option.” I let them murmur angrily for a few moments before calling for silence. “The committee of the factions and factionless have come up with four options for your consideration.”

I nod to Liza who drew the short straw. She grimaces at me for a moment before taking a deep breath. “Option one is that Chicago is dissolved. We will leave as citizens of the United States and we will operate as individuals under their rules and not as our own independent city. The United States Government will resettle us in cities spread throughout the country.”

There is an almost panicked outcry. People slam their fists into the tables and jump up angrily as if they would fight the United States Government off right now. “Quiet!” I yell to all of them. I nod towards Alex. 

“In option two, any citizen from the city will be free to leave if they wish and they can settle elsewhere. Likewise, anyone from outside will be free to settle here if they are willing to abide by our rules” He begins with his chin held high. “The faction system will be dissolved, a general election will be held to determine leadership and those leaders will determine laws, again to be voted on in general election.”

I can tell by the nervous shifting that Dauntless isn’t happy. The first two options change their way of life entirely and we would lose everything. I nod to Shauna to get her to speak before the room loses control again. 

“In option three, as with option two, any citizen from the city will be free to leave if they wish and they can settle elsewhere. Likewise, anyone from outside will be free to settle here if they are willing to abide by our rules” She repeats Alex calmly, looking around. “We maintain the factions and we return Abnegation to leadership. Everything goes back to how it was, except instead of becoming factionless; if someone fails initiation, they return to their faction of origin where they remain. If they are not a transfer than they remain in their faction of origin but they do not attain adult status until they pass the initiation into the faction.” I can see that this option goes over better but Dauntless has no great love for Abnegation and I know that many of them hide scars from what they were forced to do. 

Marnie speaks up last without being told. “As in options two and three, in option four, any citizen from the city will be free to leave if they wish and they can settle elsewhere. Likewise, anyone from outside will be free to settle here if they are willing to abide by our rules” Many members of Dauntless nod rapidly as if to get her to keep going. “We maintain the faction system but we develop a council of twenty-five leaders, five from each faction, who will lead the city in place of Abnegation leadership. If an initiate fails initiation in their chosen faction, they will remain or return to their faction of origin as a minor and they will have to choose a different faction at the next choosing ceremony.”

More people are nodding now and I smile slightly. I hold up my hand to get quiet once more. “If option three or four are successful, all of the factions must prepare for a larger group of initiates than previous years because the factionless will be choosing as well at the next choosing ceremony.” I look at all of them, caught between processing all of the information that we have given them and letting themselves lose control as Dauntless so regularly do. “I expect you all to come here to vote in a weeks time. We can only protect our faction if you come to vote. If option three or four are successful, we will meet the day after the election to establish new Dauntless leadership.” 

A cheer goes up and I shake my head with amusement as they start chanting “Dauntless! Dauntless!” over and over. 

The week passes rapidly but the whole time people approach me and the other representatives asking questions and asking for clarification. The day before the vote a set of computers are loaded in. It’s only four computers and they only serve one purpose but when a team of ten in Erudite blue enter the canteen during lunch the room goes silent and many people stand aggressively. 

I jump onto my table quickly. The Erudite team look nervous and they look almost sad. They are all younger so I know that they aren’t members of leadership. “Everyone sit down.” I shout to Dauntless. “The team from Erudite is only here to set up temporary computers for the vote tomorrow. The computers serve no other purpose. There will be no serums, no trackers, and no simulations involved.” I assure them. I nod towards the Erudite team and they nod back. If we’re going to rebuild the faction system and make our city better we’re going to have to learn to cooperate with one another and not think the worst as soon as we see someone wearing a particular color. 

I sit in the canteen all day, watching members of my faction vote for the future. I haven’t voted yet, I had decided to wait till the end. The Erudite team had wanted to stay to monitor the equipment but I had insisted that they leave. I could monitor the proceedings well enough and Erudite presence agitated too many of Dauntless. 

“Any adult member of Dauntless who has not voted should report to the canteen immediately.” I look up at the speakers in the corner of the room. I had ordered that announcement to be broadcast when there was only an hour left. I never thought I would spend this long in Dauntless leadership. I’m not sure that it’s something I wanted but at least for now I can use the position to take care of the people that Tris saved.

I stand and walk over to the machines. As soon as the first is available I start hitting buttons so that I can access the records. I can’t see any results but I can see the number of votes that have been cast. I check the numbers on all four computers before stepping back, letting the line of people keep putting in their choice. 

Only minutes later the line is gone and I step up to a free computer again. There is a small blade in a compartment on top and I pull it out, slicing into my palm enough to draw blood. I touch the blood against a sensor and the screen flashes green, registering me as a new voter. My four options appear and I touch option four. The software asks me to verify my choice and I do before leaving the terminal. 

All that’s left to do now is wait. 

Two hours later, everyone is gathered in The Pit, waiting for the result. The tension is high but no one says a word. I had moved one of the terminals to the pit and rigged its system to run through our speakers. 

Christina finds me standing with Zeke and Shauna. Their hands are linked. Christina nudges me and I try to smile at her but I’m fairly sure it comes out more like a grimace. What will be left for me if we dissolve the factions? Dauntless tells me who I am. I thought with Tris I could be something else. I thought we could both exist without factions. But Dauntless was my family when I didn’t have one. Even though Evelyn and I are trying to rebuild a relationship, my family is still here. 

The speakers suddenly crackle to life. “Today we have all had a voice in the future of our city.” Johanna’s voice comes through. “And together we will make our city a better place, we will rebuild the peace that we have lost. The faction system…” she pauses here and the room around me surges with energy. “Will be maintained.” 

The wind rushes out of me in a sigh of relief and there are screams of victory, people punch their friends and shout joyfully. “Quiet!” I have to shout, though there is a smile on my face. I’m beaming as hot relief pumps through me but we need to hear the rest of the decision. 

“…a council made up of five representatives from each faction in place of Abnegation leadership. If an initiate fails initiation in their chosen faction, they will remain or return to their faction of origin as a minor and they will have to choose a different faction at the next choosing ceremony.” 

More cheers go up and I’m surprised when Christina throws herself into my arms, embracing me tightly. Loud music starts to play and a chant of Dauntless! Goes up. I squeeze Christina, whipping her around in a circle before setting her down and grabbing Zeke by the shoulders. He throws me to the ground and Christina lets out a surprised scream as we nearly knock her over and Shauna just laughs. 

This is the family I chose. My faction is immeasurably powerful. We frighten the others with our strength. What they see as insanity is just our wildest form of joy. We don’t express with just our words. Our joy isn’t tender. It’s wild and visceral and more aggressive than any of them could imagine. 

When other factions look up at us standing on a roof edge or throwing ourselves from a moving train they only see risk takers. They can’t see that we have to have an outlet for this…this overabundance of life that surges inside of all of us. We are more than cruel or strong. We are more than brave. We are alive. No one could doubt that if they saw us now. 

I sit up and punch Zeke’s shoulder with a laugh, accepting Christina’s hand to pull me up. A group starts dancing in the center and I turn to my other side expectantly, a big grin on my face. When I am met with nothing the grin slides away and my chest feels hollow. The wild life of a moment ago is gone because for a moment I had turned and expected to see Tris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So is anyone still reading this? Let me know if you're out there!  
> Would love some comments or reviews


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
Tobias 

We meet the next day in the canteen after breakfast. I feel tired when I stand on the table. I never expected to lead my faction through anything like the last couple of weeks. I never expected to lead them at all. “Dauntless needs permanent leadership.” I call to the people around me. “I was nominated in a time of war and so I set aside my role. We need Dauntless leaders for peace. We need leaders who are ready to make Dauntless adhere to our manifesto again. We need leaders who will not be cruel, but lead by example in committing everyday acts of bravery.” There are nods and calls of assent around me. “I open the floor for nominations.”

“Four!” I hear the call as soon as I stop talking. I look to my closest friends and they are smiling but it wasn’t them who spoke. Suddenly my name is being chanted and I look around feeling shocked and having to fight to keep my face blank. As a transfer, and from Abnegation no less, I never expected, never dreamed that I would ever have the respect of my faction like this. 

I nod to accept the nomination and I'm met by cheers “Dauntless needs three leaders.” I remind them loudly, trying to get my faction to focus. 

“Zeke!” I hear Shauna’s voice and Zeke stands proudly. He jumps up onto another table. 

My eyes scan the crowd, trying to determine who would be the next to speak. “Eva!” Someone shouts. At 48, Eva is one of the oldest members of Dauntless, though I suppose more will return with the assimilation of the factionless. She is a good choice, Dauntless born and dedicated. 

No more nominations are made. After the schism of the recent war, Dauntless has lost its taste for division and argument. “Do you choose us to lead you?” Eva calls after a few moments. 

“Yes!” The word is so loud that it barely sounds like a word. Zeke, Eva, and I all look to one another and nod. We jump down from our respective tables and I meet them by the door. We have a lot to talk about and work through. 

Seven months pass in a flurry of new legislation, organization and preparation for the next choosing ceremony. The day after Zeke, Eva, and I were declared the new leaders of Dauntless we sent a message to the factionless telling them that any member of Dauntless who was sent away for reasons of age was welcome to return. 

A day after that, we grew from a faction of two thousand to a faction of three thousand. We had not been prepared for that volume and the faction had to come together to take the high rise closest to the one where I lived and make it safe for living. When it came time to choose representatives to the council that would rule Chicago; Dauntless chose to keep Alex, Marnie, Liza, and Shauna. I couldn’t be a member of the council since I would be leading Dauntless and so they chose a man called Bruce to join the team. 

We are already working on another building in preparation for the new class of initiates. Christina is heading up plans for a new training center. The old one was a place of intimidation, fear, and grief. None of us want that for the new class of initiates and so we decided to start from scratch. Her team only has two months left but she seems confident. 

I’m not doing as well as she is. I’m not even doing as well as Caleb who in the span of just two months lost his entire family. I spend every morning staring at Tris’ urn and at night I watch it for hours while I wait for exhaustion to make me fall asleep. I had hoped that time and being busy would help me move on but it just isn't happening. 

Evelyn has stopped demanding to see me on a weekly basis when she realized how bad I was. I know that its starting to show in my work too. At the beginning when I had been chosen as a leader to restore Dauntless I had dedicated every waking moment to organization and to ensuring our continued survival in the reordered Chicago. However, as time went on I just felt more and more burnt out. I was tired and I spent more time staring at Tris’ urn than working. 

My distraction isn’t helping me, and it can only hurting Dauntless. They chose me as one of their leaders and I needed to prove that I will be the leader that they needed. I don’t just need to prove it to them, but I need to prove it to myself. 

I lay my hands on the urn and close my eyes, taking a slow breath. I know what I have to do. I’ve known for weeks but I’ve been too much of a coward to do it, even though Caleb had given me what I need. It was time for me to be brave now, and not just brave but selfless too. I had to give up part of myself so that I could be at my best for Dauntless. That meant giving her up. 

I stand from my bed and pick up the urn, walking to my door. I’m headed to Christina’s apartment. She lives in a different building but all three of the buildings we now use converge on The Pit. I follow the corridor and then the stairs until I come to The Pit and follow a different tunnel to where it enters the basement of her building. 

It’s early enough in the morning that there are only a few people around, and no one spares me a glance. Even so, I keep to the shadows where I am even less likely to be seen. Years of work in security have at least helped me to know where I can walk and stay out of site. 

I have to pass through the slowly developing training center to get to Christina’s apartment but I see her already out. She’s warming up, running laps around the room. 

I lean on the door and watch as she finishes a lap by jogging to a punching bag. She throws rapid punches until she’s short of breath. She starts growling with each punch. 

I set the urn down out of the way and kick my shoes off, walking to one of the rings. “Christina.” She turns at the sound of her name and stares at me for a few moments, breathing heavily.

She walks towards me and I can see her eyes flicking just slightly as she forms a plan. I wait in a relaxed position for her to step up into the ring. She leaps up and flies towards me, arm drawn back as if she would punch. I duck to avoid the punch and grunt when she surprises me by slamming her knee into my stomach and knocking the air out of my lungs. 

I cough and for a moment I am so stunned that she’s able to elbow me hard in the kidney. I growl and whip my arm around her from behind me, throwing my weight forward and throwing her onto her back. I hear the air rush out of her chest and I pin her with my knee, punching her in the shoulder and smacking her in the head. I’m looking down so I don’t see when she brings her hand up to punch me in the ear. The hit stuns me and she elbows me in the gut, forcing me to release her. 

She stands to her feet with a quick jump but I grab her ankles and twist, flipping her over herself and dragging her down to the mat again. I jump up and kick her in the stomach. She tries to get up and I kick her again, stepping on her fingers with my other foot. 

“Shit!” she yells, starting to laugh. “Ok, ok Four I give up I give up” She groans as I release her and she rolls over. She rubs her ribs. “Damnit.” 

I offer her my hand and pull her to her feet. “Better.” I assure her, squeezing her arms. “You’re improving, Christina.”

She scoffs. “It doesn’t feel like I’m improving with you constantly landing me on my ass.” She runs a hand through her hair and walks over to the cooler she had installed to grab a bottle of water. She tosses one to me and I nod my thanks. 

“I have almost three-times your experience.” I tell her with a shrug. “Give it another year or so and you might give me more of a challenge.” 

“Yeah, yeah, so you keep saying.” She rolls up her shirt but I can’t see where I kicked her. 

“Are you alright?” I ask 

“Just bruised.” She says, prodding at her ribs. “Don’t know why you kicked me when I was already down.” She complains quietly. 

I smirk at her. “You weren’t getting up fast enough to suit me.” I say snidely. She looks at me like she wants to make a rude gesture but thinks better of it. “I wanted to talk to you.” I say suddenly before I lose my nerve. 

She sighs dramatically. “And here I thought that you just came up here to spar with me first thing in the morning. I’m disappointed.” The playful grin slides from her face and I realize that I must look tense or worse. “What is it?” 

I hesitate for just a moment before walking quickly to grab the urn and returning to Christina with it. She looks at me cautiously. It has been a source of contention for months as I wrestled with my indecision of what to do. “You were right.” I tell her, my voice still quick. “You told me months ago that we needed to let go and say goodbye.” I give her a hard look. “But I can’t do it. You were her best friend, Christina. You would know best what she would want.” I hold the urn out to her. “I need you to do this because I can’t.”

Christina hesitantly touches the urn, looking at it sadly. She looks up at me. “You should be there when it happens, Four.” She says, not taking it into her hands. “You need to let her go.”

I push it closer to her. “Maybe.” I say firmly. “You can tell me when you decide what to do and I may come.” It’s a lie. I know that I will not be there when Tris’ friends scatter her ashes but if Christina knew then she would never take the urn from me. 

She takes a breath and then takes the urn with a nod. “I’ll talk with Zeke.” She says. “He might have an idea.” 

“Thank you, Christina.” I say solemnly. My heart clenches as I reach out and lay a hand on the urn. We stand there like that, like we’re frozen in time and I realize with horror that I’m standing on the edge but can’t jump. I can’t walk away. As soon as that thought occurs to me I know that I have to and I rip myself away, walking quickly out the door. 

I jog all the way back to my apartment, waving to people who call out to me but not stopping. It’s now or never and if I hesitate I will lose my resolve. I shut myself in my apartment and turn on the computer on my coffee table as I walk to my bedside and open a small drawer, pulling out a vial full of a green solution- memory serum. 

I sit down in front of the computer and turn on the camera. “My name is Four.” I begin calmly. “I used to be called Tobias Eaton, but then I transferred to Dauntless and was the first in my initiate class.” I run a hand through my hair, wondering what else I would need to know. “That was almost three years ago. Now I am a Dauntless leader. I was a minor player in the war that led to Chicago becoming independent. I was not performing my duties as a leader to the fullest of my ability and so I have chosen to do this.” I raise the vial in front of my face and lower it again. “I do this to be a better man and the leader that Dauntless deserves.” 

I save the file and take a deep breath. I look at my image on the screen. My hair has gotten long, longer than I ever wore it before. Even after I left, I continued to cut my hair the way I always had in Abnegation. I was letting that part of me go now, not just because it was a cruel reminder of her but also because if I was going to lead Dauntless I could not afford to hold on to my past. 

I close my eyes and tilt my head back. “Oh Tris.” I whisper. “I’m so sorry…but I have to do this. You’re constantly on my mind. I can’t work; I can barely think. You saved Chicago. You saved Dauntless. I’m going to take care of it for you.” 

I open my eyes again but still I don’t do it. I hold the vial in my hands and spin it in between my fingers a few times. The light from the morning sun bounces off the green and it almost looks beautiful. I go still and take a slow, steadying breath. I feel like I’m losing the strength to do it so I slowly unscrew the lid. 

“Four.” I clench the vial in my hand but don’t turn to face my intruder. 

“How did you get there?” I ask Christina without turning around. 

“Fire escape.” She says, her voice flat. A few moments tick by. “Put it down, Four.” 

I shake my head stubbornly. “No. I have made this choice for Dauntless.” I say firmly. “I can’t lead them with her constantly on my mind.”

“You can’t lead Dauntless if you’re going to be a coward.” Christina snaps at me. She comes around and shoves the computer so that she sits on my coffee table. “If you hide from this pain instead of learning to live with it then you are a Coward and you have no business in this faction, let alone leading it.” I have no response for her and she suddenly looks like she’s breaking. “Does she really mean so little to you that you would just, voluntarily forget her for the sake of a faction?” She asks me in a whisper. 

I feel my face pale at the suggestion and my eyes go wide. “I…she was everything, Christina!” I shout at her. I want to feel fury but I’m just too tired. Most of my friends can’t comprehend everything she was to me because they didn’t really know me before. 

“Then act like it.” Christina holds her hand out and looks at me expectantly. I hold the vial tight to myself and she sighs. “Listen, Four, when we’ve said goodbye for the last time it will be easier.” She whispers. “Your pain has made you strong, if you forget it now, you will never be the kind of leader Dauntless needs.”

I sigh and look down, hesitantly extending my arm and holding the vial out to her. She takes it and sets it beside her, grabbing my hands.

We sit like that until lunchtime when Christina pockets the serum and drags me to the canteen. She tugs me down to sit between her and Zeke and she starts to fill our plates with food. 

I shake my head at her but don’t protest as I start to eat the macaroni salad. “Is everything all set?” Christina asks Zeke slyly. 

“Is what all set?” I ask suspiciously as Zeke nods with a wink. Neither of them answer me and some of the others near us look away with smiles. “What?” I demand. 

“We’ve just got a surprise for our four-feared leader.” Shauna says coolly, an easy smile on her lips. 

“I don’t like surprises.” I say around my food, trying to ignore them even as they plot around me. 

“Well you’re getting one anyways.” Christina says evilly, wiggling her eyebrows at me. 

I roll my eyes at her but she doesn’t seem to care. 

A while into lunch someone whistles loudly and about fifty people jump up, whooping as they start to run for the exit. I protest loudly as Zeke hauls me to my feet but my legs are suddenly running underneath me and I shake my head at them with a laugh. 

We run out of The Pit and to where the train is already picking up speed. I’m right on Zeke’s tail as he jumps up, catching onto the train and letting himself in. I follow him on and walk away from the door to wait for the others. We’re all breathing heavily but it’s more from the adrenaline than from exhaustion. 

“You going to tell me what this is about?” I ask as the train whistles away from Dauntless. Something comes flying at me through the air and I just manage to raise my hand and snag it before it hits me. It’s a paintball gun. 

Zeke looks at me with a manic grin. “It’s time for some war games.”


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12  
Tris

When consciousness starts coming back, I sit up quickly with a gasp. I look around me but I am alone. My breath is coming in short bursts and I’m shaking. I thought that I could tell the difference between simulation and reality but I couldn’t calm down for any of the last three. 

They had come all at once; drowning, burning…and those faceless men. I shudder and pull my knees up to my chest with a wince. I bury my face in my knees, biting down on my lip and letting a few tears trickle from my eyes. 

My solitude is even worse than the constant testing and playing on my worst fears. Three meals had come and gone but Emma hadn’t brought them. I don’t try to talk to the other technicians that come into my cell. I bring my head up, taking a deep breath and clearing my throat. 

Alright, I’ve had my moment. But I can’t allow these psychopaths to see me start to break. Even if I feel like I’m crumbling, I need to look like I’m as strong as ever. I stand and start to pace the room, rolling my shoulders while I do. Every couple of steps I spare a glance towards the mirror, still hoping that it will lose its shine and that I will look and see Emma working on the computers. 

I go back and forth more than twenty times. My legs throb with exhaustion but I keep pushing. I need to get my strength back. If I find myself against those men again…when I find myself against those men again, I will be strong enough to fight them off. 

I stumble and almost fall so I stop pacing but I don’t go to sit down. I stand still, forcing myself to be stronger than I am. I start to work on my arms, throwing punches and jabs into the air. My arms and torso ache but I keep going. I wish that I had a punching bag. I have no idea how much energy I’m putting behind my attacks on the empty air. 

I glance at the mattress. I could use that. I look away an instant later. My tablet is under the mattress. That tablet is the key to my escape from this hell. I can’t sacrifice the potential to get a message to Dauntless and to Tobias. I know that no matter how hard I work at making myself strong it will never be strong enough to break myself out of here. I frown knowing that if I’m to get out I will have to be rescued. I hate feeling so powerless. 

My body protests as I continue to punch the air and I make a frustrated noise, dropping my arms to my sides and letting my head fall to my chest. I sit down on the bed and bring my leg up to inspect the strap around my ankle. I can’t say whether or not David was telling the truth about the armed guards outside the door but I know that even an attack within the confines of my own cell will be nearly worthless with this around my ankle. 

I grumble quietly to myself, tugging uselessly on the strap. I hear a light thudding noise and I look up. The mirror is no longer a mirror but a window. Emma is there with her shy smile and I manage a bright grin back at her. 

I don’t have to fake it. The room is organized just how I was hoping it would be; with the computers facing the window, ostensibly to allow a full group at the window, but it was just Emma. She watches me for a few moments and I hurriedly cover myself with the thin blanket and reach under the mattress, grabbing the tablet that she had smuggled to me. I shoot her a grateful look and curl up with it just hidden from view. 

I’m not sure how she did it but the Bureau’s file on my mother had been loaded onto the tablet when she gave it to me. I don’t know much about computers but I’m sure that’s a good thing. If she has access to the Bureau systems she can probably get into the Chicago systems. If she can do that, then I will learn how to. I have to. 

I make a show of reading journal entries that I’ve already read before as though this connection to my mother was the only thing that I had in this world. Maybe I should feel that way, but I have something better; I have a plan and I have hope. 

After I’ve read for a while, flicking through pages of documents, I see her turn her back to me out of the corner of my eye. She goes to the computer and begins to type. My cell was just small enough that I could see what she was doing and I could see the screen. 

I have to analyze each image quickly and compare it to the device in my hands. There were little images in the top right corner of both her computer and my tablet. I squint to make out what the first one is. It looks like some kind of sun or semi-circle. 

I glance down at mine and blink rapidly, my eyes adjusting from having to look so far to having to look close. There are four radiating lines forming a semi-circle on the tablet and I nod, looking to the next symbol. It looks the same but while hers is full, mine just looks like an outline. 

That should be alright, I hope. After all, we aren’t using the same exact device. I don’t get a chance to check the other little images before she taps a bigger image on her screen. 

I stare at mine blankly for a few moments. There is only one image on my little tablet, and it takes me to my mother’s journal entries. My heart is racing and I think for a moment that my hope was for nothing, that Emma was actually clever enough to ensure I couldn’t use the tablet to help myself in any way. I want to scream and throw it across the room but instead I take a deep breath. There has to be a way. 

I look up at the window to make sure that Emma is still absorbed in what she is doing before I look down at the tablet in my hands. I try to tap every inch of it, trying to get it to do something besides show me my mother’s journal. I flick it to the side like I do to go to a different journal page and all the sudden there are six other buttons on the screen. My eyes light up and I gasp, holding the tablet close to me. 

I analyze each icon carefully and pick the one that looks most like the one that Emma had chosen, like two interlocking green rectangles. The entire screen turns green and letters appear spelling out SAFILE.

When the word disappears, it is replaced by a list with names like HFJS, EEOGLI, CJSTU, BOGW, and SMBOR. I pick the first one and a little box pops up demanding a code. I frown at it. I look up at Emma and she is back to the main list, scrolling down it. I know that it’s now or never. If she tries to open one of the files I will never see what she enters from this distance. 

I get up from the bed, leaving the tablet slid underneath the blanket and I hurry over to the window. She is immersed in the list of nonsense names and it seems to take her ages to pick one. When she finally does the box pops up and I watch her type in 692617. 

I retreat back to the bed and hide under the covers. The screen on the tablet has gone black like it has a dozen times before and I tap it while I settle, repeating the number to myself over and over in my head. 

The light does not come on. The screen does not go back to the SAFILE menu, it is just black. I tap at it angrily but nothing changes. I whisper the numbers frantically to myself as I continue to try but nothing changes. “Oh my god.” I whisper with frustration. This cannot be happening. I’m so afraid of forgetting the numbers that I repeat them over and over and over. I can’t even write them down. I can’t afford to be caught with the numbers. 

When I glance at the window again, Emma is staring at me. I must have been making enough noise for the microphones to pick up. I touch my stomach as if I’m hungry but really I’m touching the tablet hidden under the blanket. 

I see her nod out of the corner of my eye and the window becomes a mirror again. I’m not sure if she got my message, but I think that she understood. I fidget anxiously. I don’t know what I did wrong. Maybe someone saw what I was doing and cut power to it. That would not bode well for me. 

Emma comes in with my usual tray of food. She sits down on the bed but doesn’t say anything. Neither do I. I don’t want to put us in a position that will implicate either of us. I already feel like I’ve taken a giant risk. I eat quickly and surprisingly it isn’t just because I need Emma to solve something for me. I was ravenous. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was as I had been working on figuring out the tablet. 

I look at the tray sadly when the food is gone. It isn’t enough. My stomach feels hollow but I’m too proud to ask for more. I snort at myself. I knew the first day of Dauntless that my pride was going to get me in trouble. Emma stands to go while I’m thinking and I throw a hand out to stop her. “Wait, please!” My voice is quiet and raspy. I’m not sure if the rasp is from lack of use or from screaming. Emma stops and looks at me. 

I shove my blanket into a ball around the tablet. “My blanket feels…really gross.” I mutter, looking down like I’m embarrassed. “Is there any way…could I have a new one?” I ask. 

Emma barely looks at me as she takes the blanket but I see her go still when she feels the weight of it. She looks at the blanket and then at me. I know she knows what the weight is. “Please?” I whisper. She nods and turns to leave the room with my tray, the blanket, and the tablet. 

I shake as I take a deep breath. I’m not positive that I will see that tablet again and if I don’t, I don’t think I’ll ever get out of here. I want to lay on the bed and contemplate my escape from this place, or just let my mind wander but I can’t afford to do nothing. I force myself to my feet and I start to pace again. 

Seven lengths of the room later, I hear a rattle and a syringe is passed through. I tense up. I’ve only just come to from the last round and I don’t feel up for it. “Oh give me a break.” I growl, trying to sound strong, but even I can hear the tremor in my voice. 

The speaker above me crackles to life. “You can do it, or someone can join you to administer it, Beatrice.” 

I frown at his casual use of my old name. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before walking forwards. I kneel down and pick up the syringe. I delay the inevitable by walking slowly back to the bed and sitting down, spinning the syringe in my hands. 

I wonder if I could kill someone with it if they came in to force it on me. I hear the latch in the door turn and I raise the syringe, wincing as I stab myself in the neck with it. I smirk at the technician who had entered and I see him standing uselessly at the door just before my vision goes dark. 

I’m bound and on my feet when I open my eyes, tied to a stake again. I shift my weight on my feet and hear the tell-tale crackle underneath me. It’s the fire. A relieved smile comes to my face. In the four times I’ve been in this situation, it has been a simulation every time. At least I’ve not had any burn marks to indicate otherwise. 

I close my eyes and breathe deeply. I’m calm and what’s more if my eyes are closed I do not see the bodies approaching to light me on fire. I hear the crackle but I can pretend that it’s harmless, a distant fireplace somewhere. Rain. I think. 

I start to feel heat under my feet and I know it will stop soon. The simulation never moves on until something has happened that I actually need bravery for. Until I’ve almost caught fire, there is nothing to be afraid of. I blink rapidly as smoke fills my nostrils. I can’t help but squirm as I feel fire licking at my hips and I let out a quiet scream, sure that I’ve been burnt. 

No, no I have to stay calm. If I panic it won’t stop. It isn’t real, I just have to keep telling myself that. I take a few fast breaths before I get control of myself and remember to breathe slowly. 

The fire and the ropes are suddenly gone and I’m kneeling in a few inches of water but it is quickly rising. I groan as I push myself to my feet. I look around me slowly, taking my time. On site, nothing gives away if this is real or a simulation. I close my eyes and take a deep breath but by the time I am feeling calm and open my eyes, the water is around my hips. 

I slosh through the water to get to the glass edge, reaching out desperately. This is my mind and I control what goes on in my mind. In the instant before I touch the glass, I will the tank and the water that is around my chest to be a simulation and not reality. 

I touch the glass, trying to force it to crack. Nothing happens. What if it’s because I’m not positive that it is a simulation? I need to be positive. If I’m positive that it’s a simulation I can take control. I can’t control it if I think it might be real. 

I push off the floor with tired legs, kicking to keep my head above water. “Stop this please!” I scream. I can’t tell if I can’t break the glass because it’s not a simulation or because I’m not convinced that it is one. “Please!” I beg before the water reaches the top of the tank. 

I flail under the water, pushing at the glass but it doesn’t help, nothing changes. My punches, already weak from malnutrition, are worth absolutely nothing under water. 

I let out a frustrated scream and my eyes widen as I watch it bubble out and get lost in the water. That was stupid! Why did I waste my air?

I try to stay focused but lack of oxygen quickly makes my vision go black.

I open my eyes on my little bed but I don’t move. My body aches and my lungs burn in my chest. I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment, arching my neck in a soft stretch. I blink my eyes back open and force myself to sit up slowly. I run a hand through my hair and go still. It’s wet. So the tank was real…and not all that long ago.

I purse my lips. I don’t know that for sure. It could have been a week ago for all I know or they could have wet my hair to make me think it was real. I can’t trust anything. 

I look around, trying to find a change and I notice a blanket folded at the foot of the bed. The mirror is still a mirror and I don’t dare touch the blanket that might contain my tablet if anyone but Emma might notice. 

As if thinking of her made her appear, the mirror slowly faded into a window. She tries to smile at me and I try to smile back. My predicament must be getting to her. Maybe she has a conscience after all. 

I pull the blanket over myself and I feel the tablet fall into my lap. I curl up under the blanket and tap at the tablet to turn it on. I look at the home screen with my mother’s journal on it and I flick it to the side, choosing SAFILE again. I look at the list of weird names, trying to make sense of them. I could just go through all of them but it would take to long and I already feel like I’m at the end of my tether. 

I realize that I’ve seen one of those names before. BOGW. It is on the tops of my mother’s journal entries. I tap it and the box asking for the code appears. 692617. I didn’t forget the code. 

A new list appears under the heading: The Bureau of Genetic Welfare. My hands are quicker than my brain. I can recall watching Tobias on computers and my subconscious scans like he would. I follow through menus that read Chicago and then Dauntless. I see all sorts of records but I don’t know how to create something new or modify something.

I tap an item that reads. DAUNTLESS CHARTER – FREE CHICAGO. There is a long document that I don’t take the time to read. I don’t know how much time I have and I don’t want anyone to notice me doing this. There is information about the document, including the terminal that uploaded it to the server. It is a string of numbers and I don’t know what they mean or what they mean but to the right there is a simple button that reads connect. 

I hit the button and a wheel appears, going around and around. I’m not sure what it’s doing. Then a box appears and letters appear at the bottom of the tablet screen. Is this it? Have I managed to do it? The window starts to become a mirror and I know I have to take my chance or lose it. 

I don’t have enough time for a full message but I type in seven letters and hit go. The wheel appears again but it is gone quicker, before the door opens. I hit the home button on the device as the door opens and David stands there. 

I will have to pray that it worked, and that it is enough. David may hold me now, but today I have my victory because I sent out a message; a message that reads IVNYUVI.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13  
Tobias 

Zeke has the other team’s flag victoriously slung over his shoulder as we make our way off the pier. I laugh as he gloats about our victory. Christina is walking nearby with the remaining two Dauntless-born of her initiate class; Ty and Maggie. I don’t think they had even met before the attack simulation but since we returned to Dauntless she has been trying to build a bigger circle for herself. 

I look over at Zeke as he mimes shooting his opponents, dramatically ducking down and making gun noises. I roll my eyes and smack him on the back of the head. “Hey!” He whips around with his paintball gun and shoots four rounds at my thigh. 

I shout as my leg goes numb and Zeke takes off running with what can only be described as a cackle. People around us laugh as I give my leg half a chance to start working again and chase after him. I weave around other members of our faction easily because he’s already cleared most of the path. 

I’m almost caught up to him when he slows from a sprint to a jog. I come up behind him and shove him hard before I slow to a jog as well. He laughs and throws an arm over my shoulders. I try to turn to walk towards the train but Zeke holds on tighter to me, directing us the other way. 

I see that we’re coming up to one of the many skyscrapers in the city but I know what this one is and I dig my feet into the ground. “No, no thank you.” I say firmly. I duck out from under Zeke’s arm but he catches a hold of mine. 

“Come on, Four.” He says. “It is long past time you did this!”

“You know, it’s weird, but I don’t feel like this experience is one that I’ll miss.” I insist, trying to school my features into apathy as I turn away. 

Zeke yanks me back to him and I groan. I know if I resist anymore I’m going to look like a coward to the other people that came to play capture the flag with us. Unfortunately that is an impression that I can’t afford for them to have. I groan as Zeke gives me a playful shove to get me in the doors. “He’s coming!” he shouts at the people behind him. I hear a few people cheer and I roll my eyes at them. 

Christina, Ty, and Maggie catch up to us. Christina is a ball of nervous energy but she has a bright excited grin on her face. This is the kind of adrenaline rush that most Dauntless love, just not Dauntless who don’t like heights. 

I jumped into Dauntless of my own volition when we came back. I managed that. Surely this won’t be as bad. This has a harness and everything. It’s perfectly safe. I’m repeating that to myself over and over as Zeke ushers us into the elevator. Christina bounces on the balls of her feet. “Tris loved this.” She says quickly. I shoot her a look to indicate that I’m listening but I’m sure that she knows. Nothing gets my attention like someone talking about Tris. “She didn’t talk about it much…I think she thought I would be jealous and she was probably right but I was stupid, you know.” Christina is speaking rapidly and I think that she might be as nervous as I feel…well maybe not as nervous. 

We all pour out of the elevator and on to the roof of the building. I’ve never been up here and I force myself not to shudder at the height. I’m totally still and my face is blank. I hope that I look bored. 

A girl two or three years older than me goes to the sling first. Zeke helps her get strapped in. I swallow heavily, watching with a critical eye. The girl gives a thumbs up and a whoop of joy as Zeke gives her a push and she goes flying down the line. We listen to her laugh and scream the whole way done, the sound echoing of the hard buildings of the city. 

I watch Christina, Maggie, and Ty go down as well as half the group on the roof with us. Everyone yells almost the whole way down but it doesn’t sound scared, it sounds thrilled. “Come on, Four.” Zeke calls to me. 

I want to wave him off but I need to look like everyone else in Dauntless. I need to grit my teeth and just do it. I walk forward, shooting him a look that could kill when I’m sure no one else can see. He laughs and helps me into the sling. “You’ll be fine.” He says to me quietly. He points out the break. “Pull this when you can see a white X.” 

“That would mean I have my eyes open.” I mutter drily. He laughs and without warning gives me a shove. I scream as I pass over the edge of the building. For a moment I think that I hear laughter behind me but then any sound is drowned out by the whistling of wind in my ears. 

I rush through the city, seeing it in a whole new way. My stomach is left behind at the top of the line but the speed has my heart beating at a mile a minute. I begin to feel the tell-tale adrenaline rush and it’s like a high. I give a thrilled shout. 

I don’t feel like I’m falling, I feel like I’m flying through a city that I have known my entire life, but never like this. I drop sharply, and let out a shocked scream for just a moment as I build speed rapidly. I see the x and only wait a moment before reaching back and pulling on the break. 

My heart is still racing as I slowly come to a stop over the members of my faction that are gathered underneath the sling. The blood is rushing so fast in my ears that I can hardly hear their cheering. They form a net with their hands and I release one of the straps on the sling, falling into their arms. 

I laugh loudly, rubbing a hand over my face and shaking my head as I stand up. Christina punches me in the shoulder and I swat her across the head. “Wow.” I manage after a couple of moments. 

The next morning I arrive to the bi-weekly committee meeting on time for the first time in months. Eva is already there but her eyebrows rise when she sees me. “You’re looking better.” She says bluntly. 

“You mean I’ve managed to show up on time.” I say with a smirk, offering neither an explanation nor an apology. 

She nods as Christina, Shauna, Theo, Francis, and Roisin enter the room. They are our representatives for Training, The Chicago Council, Aging, Construction and Supplies, and Security. They must have been eating breakfast together before the meeting. Shauna stops in her chair and puts on a scandalized face. “Shit guys…are we late?” She asks as she overdramatically looks at her watch. “Four is already here, we must be!”

“Haha.” I say humorlessly. I take the criticism though. I have been behaving selfishly and was wrapped up in myself and my own problems. That is going to change. 

They all take their seats and Zeke strolls in a couple minutes later with a coffee in his hand. He sits down in his chair. “Lets get this show on the road.” He says easily. Eva nods in agreement and I pull a tablet out of my bag. Similar devices appear around the table as everyone gets theirs out as well. 

“We’re down to two months before we get the next choosing ceremony.” Eva begins, nodding towards Christina. “Why don’t you start.”

Christina nods. “Last meeting, Francis projected that they needed seven more weeks to complete the work in the training area. That’s on track as far as I can tell and I have a training plan here.” She tapped at the tablet and a file appeared on the rest in the room. I open it and skim through it. “It’s largely the same as the training that my class had with a few adjustments. Instead of competing against one another, the initiates will compete against themselves. Minimum score for full membership is one-hundred-eighty-six.”

“You think we’ll still get the best of the best that way?” Eva asked. Christina nods. “Well I think we will all read your plan before the next meeting and we can give more full feedback then. While we are on preparation for the new class of initiates; Francis, when will the new building be ready?”

“The building is safe and structurally sound.” He assures us right away. “The dorms for initiates will be ready in eight or nine weeks. I’m waiting on a couple supplies to come in.” He grimaces nervously. “The rest of the building won’t be ready for habitation for almost three months.”

“Where do you propose new members live after initiation?” Zeke asks quickly, glancing at Eva who is clearly not satisfied.

“I believe the apartments will be ready before the initiation period is over.” He assures us. “But all things considered the dormitories will not be a bad temporary arrangement, even past the initiation period.”

“Work as fast as you can.” I encourage him. “If you need more people to work let us know and recruit from those who haven’t started to work yet. Shauna is there any new legislation we need to know about?” She shakes her head. I wonder if we shouldn’t start meeting less. Not much changes in two weeks and the meetings are always incredibly short. “Anyone have anything to report?”

“I do actually.” Roisin speaks up. I’m immediately a little bit anxious, but she seems more confused than anything else so I figure that there wasn’t a major security breach. “So obviously we do more than security upstairs, we also are responsible for uploading to The Bureau’s databases.” Eva nods and gestures for her to get to the point. “Well yesterday we received a message through that software. It wasn’t The Bureau trying to take control or anything. Actually I don’t know what it is.” She uses her tablet to send us all a file. 

I open it and a screenshot appears with a string of letters: IVNYUVI. I set the tablet in front of me and stare at it. Is it a different language? That doesn’t make sense. It’s all capitalized. No one speaks and I assume that everyone is doing the same as me, trying to decode the message. 

“I – V – N – Y – U – V – I” Zeke reads it out loud and I listen to the sounds, leaning back in my chair thinking. Something is in the back of my mind or at the tip of my tongue. I shake my head but I can’t shake the feeling and my heart starts to race. I’m not even sure why. 

“Maybe it was just an error.” Roisin said. I can hear embarrassment in her voice as if she was afraid she was wasting our time. I shush her quickly and Zeke reads it out loud again. 

“It’s too deliberate.” Shauna whispers. “IV and VI are reflections.”

My ears are ringing now and I blink my eyes quickly, looking up at her. “Four?” Zeke asks. I glance at him and he’s looking at me strangely. 

“Four.” I repeat. My voice sounds strange to me. I didn’t intend to say my own name. “Shauna say that again.” I say quickly, standing up and walking the length of the room. 

“IV and VI are reflections?” She says it like a question and I get to a white board on the other side of the room. 

“Four, what’s going on?” Christina speaks for the first time and I glance at her for just a moment, the look in her eyes unsure. 

“Read it out again.” I say, turning to the digital board. My hand is shaking. I need to see it bigger, not text on a screen but writing. 

“IVNYUVI” With each letter Zeke reads I write on the board. 

Oh my god… I throw the pen to the side, knowing that I’m probably disturbing the others as I begin to grab some of the letters. My stomach turns inside of me as I pull them away one by one, I pull down N, and then Y, and then finally U. 

Not IV and VI. I hear a ripping sound and I realize it’s my breathing. “Four and Six.” I breath so quietly that even I can barely hear myself. 

“Four and six.” Eva says curiously.

“It’s a message for you, Four?” Zeke suggests. 

I nod, not looking at them, not able to see anything but the numbers on the board. I step backwards in shock to the table, leaning backwards onto it. “But who’s Six?” Christina asks. 

A hysterical laugh bubbles up inside me and it explodes from my mouth though it probably sounds more like sobbing or like I’m dying. _She’s alive..she’s alive…_

“Four!” Someone’s voice demands. I’m too far gone to know who. 

“Tris.” I whisper. I am met only by silence. I turn to look at them, my eyes wide and manic. I point furiously towards the board. “Tris, it’s Tris!” I say frantically. “Four and Six; Me and Tris. She is alive!”

Christina’s eyes are wide and she covers her mouth (either with horror or hope, I can’t tell which) and I sag gratefully. Someone believes me. Someone sees that I’m not crazy. “How do we find her?” She asks quickly, standing to her feet. 

“You can’t just go hunting someone down when you aren’t positive they’re alive!” Eva exclaims, standing too in an effort to get control of the room. “This message could mean anything.”

“I am positive.” I assure her angrily. “And Chicago is a free city now. I am not trapped in this fence. I am going to find her and I am going to bring her home.” I look at Christina. “We’re leaving tonight.” I tell her, knowing without asking that she will never wait in Dauntless while I go searching for her best friend. She nods right away, completely serious. “We need to recruit a team, ten or so people.”

“We should bring medics.” Christina agrees as we both walk purposefully towards the door. 

“We are in the middle of a meeting.” Eva presses us. “This is one person we’re talking about.”

I freeze before turning to shoot her a deadly look. “One person who is a hero, one person who saved Dauntless and Chicago, and who is god-knows where, going through god knows what...”I trail off, feeling sick. If she could have sent us a full message with details she would have. The fact that she had to send something so covert terrifies me. What had we abandoned her too? “Does anyone have anything left to report?” I snap. No one says anything and I give Eva a pointed look before Christina and I leave the room and our things behind. 

Zeke jogs to catch up with us. “I’m coming too.” He says. 

I regret having to shake my head. “No Zeke. We can’t leave Dauntless with only one leader.” I tell him. “You can help us from here, gather information. Collect everything we know in connection to her death; other disappearances and so on.”

He hesitates and I know that he doesn’t want to get left behind again but he nods anyways. “Bring her home.” He tells us 

By the time the sun goes down that night, Christina and I stand side by side on the train as it whistles through the city. The wind whips us in the face as we watch the buildings give way to big empty fields. I look ahead of us at the fence in the distance.

I glance back at the team we have gathered. A couple who had met Tris, like Ty and Maggie, but most of them just know her as a hero who deserves to be brought home to her family. Two medics mutter quietly to one another in the corner of the train. Christina had gotten them from Erudite but we had two Dauntless medics too, just in case we couldn’t trust them. I look back to the fence. I glance over at Christina. I can see the stress in her face. She’s thinking the same thing I am. How could we have not known?

“We’re coming, Tris.” I whisper. “Just hold on.”


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14  
Tris 

I don’t move as David approaches me. I should be afraid of him but my rebellion has made me brave. I am indomitable. Even after all his torture and experiments. I was still clever enough to get myself the technology I need and learn to use it to send a message that will guarantee my escape. 

“That was unwise Beatrice.” His voice is quiet as he comes up to me. I raise my chin defiantly. He’s close enough to strike but he doesn’t. He knows that I’m not as weak as he had hoped I would be. At least I hope that’s why he doesn’t get violent. He holds a hand out expectantly and I know that he expects me to hand over the tablet. 

For a moment I consider refusing him; I consider acting totally innocent. It would only look childish though and so with my chin held high I draw the tablet out from under the blanket and I give it to him. I stare at it as I do, nervous for a moment that my message wasn’t enough. My instinct is to cling to it, to send another message, but I have already done my best and frankly all I will be able to do now that I’ve been caught. There is nothing to gain from fighting a battle that I can’t win. 

If I hadn’t been staring longingly at the tablet I might have seen his hand coming. 

There’s a loud crack and my head whips to the side so hard that the force pushes me from the bed and I land hard on the floor, clutching my throbbing cheek. I look up at him, determined not to show fear. 

He stares at me with fascination and reaches forward to touch my cheek. I flinch back from him and push myself forward, using the bed as leverage to swing a punch at his face. I make contact and my knuckles throb but I know that it wasn’t hard enough. He lets out a growl and grabs both of my wrists in a harsh grip. I try to resist him but my muscles are too weak. He yanks me forward and then slams me sidewise. 

He is squeezing so hard that I think my wrists will crack and I let out a cry of pain. I struggle against him, trying to feint towards him. I twist my hips and kick hard. He screams as I make contact with his knee and he lets me go. I was pulling so hard to get him to release me that I am flung backwards, hitting my head on the wall behind the bed. 

The hit stuns me and it is enough time for him to recover and grab me by the hair. He yanks me forward and punches me in the stomach once, twice, three times. I scream at the third punch, feeling like I want to throw up. 

With a snarl he shoves me away from him and I land on the floor like a rag doll. I’m struggling to breathe but refusing to cry as I try to push myself up with my elbows. I hear his footsteps as he storms away from me and I look up just as he gets to the door. He smiles at me evilly just before he opens the door and slams it behind him. 

I snarl and slam my fist on the ground, letting a few tears drip down my cheeks before angrily wiping them away. I don’t know if I’m crying because of the pain or crying because I was so completely humiliated by my own weakness. I had trained for so long and so hard to be strong. I love being strong; I love knowing that people underestimate me. 

David hadn’t underestimated me just now. He knew exactly how weak I could be after being his victim or lab rat for…who knows how long. A little sob escapes me when I realize I could have been here for weeks or months or years. I have no way of knowing. 

He had systematically chipped away at my strength until I was nothing. If I’m not strong then how can I still be Dauntless? I close my eyes and my stomach turns when I imagine what Tobias would say if he could see me. Would he still love me if I was weak?

I shake my head and take a few breaths to get control of myself. I can’t think like that. I can’t afford to think like that. I have to put all my remaining strength and energy, meager as it may be, into preparing for my escape from here. I have to remind myself that the message was sent, that Tobias is smart, and that Tobias _is_ coming for me. He will search the entire world for me when he knows that I’m alive...and in trouble.

I sit up and wince, touching my stomach. There will be bruises. As I push myself up to sit on my bed instead of in front of it I catch my reflection in the mirror. My eyes look huge in my face which has become more angular since my captivity began as David and his technicians slowly starve me to death. I never thought I would miss my rounded features. It made everyone think I was a child but I can barely recognize the face I see now. 

More jarring than the change to my face shape is the bright red mark I can see on my left cheek. I turn my head to the side and I can see clearly what David had seen a few moments ago; a handprint. Specifically, I see his handprint on my face. 

I recall the moment he had stopped and tried to touch my face. Could he already see the mark? For a moment I can see the look on his face and I shudder. It had been predatory and possessive. 

I shake my head to get the image away and I walk to the little sink. I turn it on and for the first time I’m grateful that they haven’t given me any hot water, I rinse my hand under the tap and then I touch it to my face. I don’t want it to bruise like that. My stomach recoils at the thought of the look in his eyes. I don’t ever want to see him look at me like that again. 

I’m sitting on my bed when the door opens again. I stand when not one, but three technicians enter. I swallow but force myself to smile as I stand to my tired feet. “He sent three of you?” I ask snidely as I look across the room at them. I bristle as they approach me but I refuse to step back, I refuse to retreat from them. Even if I did it wouldn’t matter, I have nowhere to go. That knowledge makes it easy to stand my ground. 

“You look like a bunch of cowards to me.” I assure them. I feel a pang of self-disgust as my voice shakes. I clear that thought from my mind, looking them up and down one at a time, trying to assess their strengths. “You’ve kept me in here; studied me, starved me, and tortured me for weeks and yet you’re still afraid of me!” 

I see one of them hesitate for a moment and I grin victoriously, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. “Three against one and you’re still scared.” I sneer. I jerk like I’m going to run at the one on the right and he flinches, making me laugh out loud. “Coward.” I say viciously, smiling at him. 

I lunge for him again but he calls my bluff and doesn’t move. 

Unfortunately for him, I’m not bluffing. _Attack first, don’t let them land the first hit._ He’s smaller than David and stringier. He lets out a shrill scream as I jab him in the throat. I manage to punch him twice in the face before the other technicians catch up to what is happening right in front of them. 

My adrenaline is pumping, making me feel stronger than I am and I kick backwards at one who comes up behind me. I hear a shriek that means I had managed a good hit. The one that I had punched had fallen backwards. He was wheezing and clutching at his throat so I whipped around as the last one came towards me. 

I was fast enough and I managed to elbow him right in the gut before redirecting my momentum and shoving the heel of my hand into his jaw. He’s ready for me though and slams his elbow onto my shoulder. I growl with pain and stumble backwards. 

He chases after me when I stumble and I draw my fist back to punch but one of the others must have recovered because he gets ahold of my elbow and my neck snaps forward as I am punched in the back of the head. I cry out and I’m dazed by the strength of the hit. 

By the time I recover my senses, there is a man pinning my arms to my sides while the other grabs my head and holds it still. I snarl and thrash as I watch the third draw out a syringe already loaded with simulation serum. “No!” I growl as he comes closer, trying and failing to fight the men off. 

It’s no good, I’m not strong enough and I wince as he presses the needle into my neck. My vision starts to go almost immediately and I feel my attackers release me when I go limp, letting me drop to the floor. 

My body aches. That thought comes to me before I even open my eyes. When I do open them I am standing, supported by a stake bound to my body. I let my head drop to my chest. I don’t want to do simulations anymore. I’m so tired and already in pain. 

I’m too tired to even get worked up when faceless men start approaching me with torches. I am too worn and weak to waste my energy on panicking, especially knowing that panicking will never help me. 

I open my eyes and raise my head, staring at them without emotion as the torches come near to me, lighting the wood that I stand on top of. I breathe in the scent of smoking wood and listen to the crackling as it burns. 

I wince when the flames start to lick at my feet and then my legs. It hurts but I won’t give way to panic. It is embarrassing and it is useless. If these flames are real, no amount of screaming and thrashing and tugging at the ropes will break me free. If only my hands were bound in front of me, I could burn those ropes away and escape; but I’m bound in too many places. If the flames are real I will have to just accept my death. I’m too tired to do anything else.

I bite my lips as the flames come higher but I cannot stifle loud noises of pain that escape through my closed lips. I close my eyes, reminding myself that panicking is futile. That if this is real that I will just die. If it is real, then surely Tobias must come through the door and save me because it cannot end like this. 

Why isn’t it stopping? 

The pain becomes unbearable as flames surround me and I let out a loud scream. No amount of rationalizing could keep me still as I start to fight, the pain seeming to eat into my very bones, into my soul. 

All I can see around me is fire and I’m bucking against the ropes that hold me in place. It is all I can see; it is all I can feel. It is like my bones are made out of fire. There is a high-pitched unearthly noise and I realize that it is the sound of my screams. 

It is like before in the tank. I couldn’t control it because I wasn’t positive that it wasn’t real. “It’s not real!” I scream desperately, feeling like the fire has entered my lungs. “It’s not real!” The smoke chokes me and I can’t get a good breath. David has done it. He has gotten me so confused that my Divergence is broken or rendered completely useless. 

I start to wheeze but no air passes into my lungs. My eyes are wide in an effort to stay awake. If I pass out, I will definitely burn to death. I have to keep fighting but I can’t. Blackness takes me as I struggle for air. 

I open my eyes and the pain is gone. I let out a choked sob and I rock forward. It was a simulation…it was just a simulation. I’m not dead. Tears run down my cheeks and relief floods me until I realize that water is already up to my waist. 

I quickly shove myself to my feet, trying to control my panicked breathing. 

I can’t do it. I wasted my breath on crying and now I can’t slow it down. I suck in short breaths that don’t fill my lungs. I’m hyperventilating with no ability to control it and the water raises to my thighs. 

I scratch at my throat and press at my chest, trying to force myself to take control. “Damn it...” I wheeze desperately, slamming my fist angrily on the wall. I lean on the glass wall of the tank as I try to control it. 

The breathing hurts and my heart races. I scream and press my head against the side of the tank, banging it over and over. My whole body seizing as I fail to get control of myself and calm myself down. 

The water is up to my shoulders and I can see my reflection, my face is red with tears. I lock eyes with myself and nearly choke as I force myself to take a slow breath. I am already floating though and know that it won’t be much use. With a worn out cackle I tap my finger against the glass when my head touches the top, hoping that it will crack and I will escape this again. 

I let out a hysterical laugh just before the water covers my head. I fight against the water weakly but there is nowhere for me to go. I hold what’s left of the air in my lungs as I peer through the darkness beyond my glass prison. 

I don’t know if the door I can almost make out is a hallucination or if it’s really there. Maybe Tobias will come for me just in time. Maybe he will shoot the glass the way my mother did when she saved me from my first execution attempt. 

The thought calms me just before I lose consciousness. 

I’m laying down when I open my eyes and David is hovering over me, his hand on my cheek. My eyes go wide and I let out a snarl, jerking to sit up but instead I get half way there and I let out a scream of pain. 

I suck in several deep breaths, getting control of myself as I stare up at his smug smile furiously. “Don’t get up, Beatrice.” He says, that sick, pseudo-kind voice making my stomach turn. “You’ve been very badly injured.”  
I glare up at him, more angry than afraid. “What-“ I suck in a deep breath, wincing when even that hurts. “-happened?” My voice is hoarse and it hurts to speak. 

He looks overly pleased when he speaks. “You have some very severe burning on the lower half of your body.” He sounds almost gleeful. “And your arms.” He adds as if it were an afterthought “And this…” his finger brushes the bruise on my cheek. I don’t flinch but I do jerk my head to the side, defiantly trying to bite his finger. He slaps me absentmindedly, the way you would slap a dog. “This looks beautiful.” 

I want to vomit because I know he’s talking about his handprint on my face. I grimace and spit at him. He slaps be again, harder this time, but the serene look on his face doesn’t change. 

He reaches down to grab my arms and I bite back the scream of pain. He’s yanking on them to look at my wrists. I don’t know what he’s looking for but I’m distracted when I look at my hands with horror. They are red and blistered and when I try to move my fingers they are too stiff. 

“Unfortunately…with your burns, I can’t see if I left marks here.” He says slowly. He heaves a sigh. “Oh well. There will be other chances.” He says. 

I gasp, tensing as he pats my hands, dropping them down to the bed. He stands from the bed and walks away without another word. 

When he’s gone, I swallow thickly and allow myself a moment to pity myself. I can’t see the extent of my injuries and to be honest I don’t want to look. Since I got my message out; I have been in two fights, I’ve been burned, and I’ve been drowned. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t care whether they were simulations or real. If I can’t use my Divergence to control the simulations, they may as well be real. 

I look at the sink across the room. I need water. I remember after a house fire in Abnegation, my parents brought the victims to our house and we made them drink so much water. If I don’t get water I will die. I didn’t survive this torture to die of dehydration, I have to find the strength to keep myself alive. 

I let out a scream of exertion as I force myself to sit up. I’m panting and shuddering, each shudder making my body throb with pain. I’m trembling violently and as I look at the sink I don’t know how I’m going to get that far. 

I deliberately look away from the mirror as I stand to my feet, crying out with pain. There are tears on my cheeks as I inch my way towards my water source. Each tiny steps sends bolts of pain up through my legs, the skin tightening until I think it might crack. 

I lean on the sink with my stomach when I get to it, wincing and whimpering as I turn it on. I bend over, putting my lips below the faucet and drinking deeply. I choke and sputter from drinking so much but I don’t stop. I need to stay hydrated and if they don’t feed me I need to keep my stomach full. 

I come up to take a gasp of air but I’ve done it too quickly. My head spins and as I rush towards the ground, my vision goes black again.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15  
Tobias 

When the train line ends at Amity, Johanna, who has returned to her post as spokeswoman for the faction, is waiting for us at the tracks, some distance from a running truck. Her smile is kind and open but I have none to offer her in return. I am to anxious and probably too scared. Thankfully she doesn’t push me.

“Louisa goes between Amity and The Bureau about once a month.” She tells us as we walk through the darkness. “She’ll get you there quickly.”

The young woman waves from the cab of the truck and I nod to her before gesturing to the other members of the team to get in the back. “Do you have any more information than when we spoke on the phone?” Johanna asks me. 

I frown and shake my head. “We’re going to get to The Bureau and find out what people there know.” I say slowly. I rest my hand on the edge of the truck. “Either someone will be able to tell us what she was trying to tell me or someone will know something about her disappearance.” 

I don’t add that I will kill anyone who had a hand in that disappearance or in hurting her. Johanna is Amity after all, I know better than to try her patience when she is offering us help. 

She gives me a knowing look and then speaks slowly. “I wish you luck.” She assures me. “You know her aggression disturbed our peace here in Amity but we know what she did for all of us.”

I nod. “Thank you.” I say before I pull myself up into the truck, waving at Johanna just once as the truck starts to move. I walk over and sit with the team that Christina had put together. They all look at me. We haven’t had a chance to talk or plan as a group yet. I’m not sure that the pair from Erudite even know for sure what we’re doing. 

“Ok, from here on out, I want you armed at all times.” I announce to the others. I had thought about denying the Erudite weapons just in case but I didn’t want to be distracted by trying to defend them. Christina unzips the duffel bag that she had been carrying and pulls out two hard cases, opening them up. Each held six handguns, small but powerful. 

I watch as she passes them out. “There’s more ammunition in the bag and everyone should pack some into whatever bag you’ve brought.” Christina says as she starts tossing cartridges of bullets.

I look away as the Erudites fumble with them. “Right now we are headed farther away from home than any of you have been and we will probably go even farther. We’re heading to The Bureau of Genetic Welfare. They controlled Chicago when we were considered an experiment. They’re expecting us but they won’t be expecting my demands.” I give them all a hard look. “We will search the place top to bottom to rule out their responsibility in or knowledge of Tris’ disappearance.” They all nod. “Now get some rest. We should be at The Bureau before four in the morning and we won’t be sleeping once we’re there.”

I don’t sleep the entire journey, though I occasionally get up from my seat to pace only to sit back down when the bouncing of the truck almost throws me on the floor. The time crawls by and I wish that I could tell our driver to go faster. I shake my head, I know the roads are too rough for that. I hang out the back of the truck, one leg still inside and look around to the front. Finally, I can see the glow in the distance. We will be there soon. 

I sit back down and nudge Christina. For a moment I feel guilty about not letting her get her rest but I need her alert for our arrival. She sets her mouth in a line and nods at me. We are past friendly smiles. We’re both too focused. 

“Get up.” I say to everyone else as I feel the truck slowing down. James and Hannah are both sluggish but the Dauntless members of our team are quickly on their feet. “Christina, you’re with me. Kee, James, and Maggie behind us; Ty you’re with Hannah in the back.” I can see the seriousness in the faces of my faction as they begin to organize themselves. I nod, satisfied. I jump out the back before we’ve stopped moving and I jog up to Amar who is waiting just outside the door.. 

“Four.” He greets me. He glances down at the gun at my side but says nothing. “Is this your whole team?” He asks as Hannah and James stumble out of the truck while the others jump down cleanly. I nod. “Ok well come on, I’ll show you to where we’ll be putting you up.” He turns to go into the doors. 

I shake my head at him. “Amar we are going to search The Bureau now, before everyone is awake. We rested on the journey here and I’m not going to sleep without being sure that she isn’t being kept here in The Bureau.”

My old mentor grabs me by the arm and drags me a couple steps away from the rest of the team. “Four, I’ve already told you that she isn’t here. I’ve never given you cause to distrust me before.”

I scoff at him as Christina jogs over to us, body tense and aggressive. I shake my head at her and yank my arm out of his grip, taking a step closer to him and hissing. “You pretended to be dead without a single word. You would have let The Bureau wipe the minds of everyone in Chicago because this place and the research has become more important to you than your home or your faction.” I push him away from me. “Don’t tell me that I don’t have any reason to mistrust you.” He stares at me for a few moments but doesn’t say anything. “Now are you going to let us search The Bureau or not?”

The staff of The Bureau wake up to Dauntless searching through their labs. I leave Ty in charge of the organization. He had used a map from their database to work out a path for everyone, ensuring that every inch of The Bureau is throroghly searched. I don’t trust Hannah and James to search with our determination so I leave them to learn what they can while we are here.

While the team searches, and the Erudite medics fawn over technology they couldn’t have even imagined, I sit down with Amar. He has given me full access to the entire government database, or at least as much as he has clearance for. 

After several hours my eyes are aching but I can’t afford to stop. I need to be sure. Once I’m sure that I can trust Amar and The Bureau on the whole I can ask for their help. I can’t show them the message until I’m positive they won’t lead me to the other side of the world, away from Tris. 

We have searched for the entire day when Christina and Ty come to report to me. “Preliminary search is done, Four.” Christina says right away. “No sign that she’s been here since releasing the memory serum.”

I can’t help but frown. I had been hoping that it would be easy. I nod though and turn to Amar who has a neutral expression. “I’m sorry but I had to be at least reasonably sure before revealing anything to you.”

“I understand.” He says, though I can tell that he is annoyed. “Now how can I help you, Four?” He asks, leaning forward on the desk. 

Ty hands me a tablet and I pull up the screen shot that Roisin had sent to us. I hand the tablet to Amar. “We received this two days ago according to our head of security at Dauntless.” I say slowly, focusing on keeping my voice even. “A sparse message at best but IV and VI are very clear; Four and Six. I’m certain that it’s from Tris. We hoped someone here would understand the middle. I’m sure that she’s smart enough...clever enough to have given us all we need to find her. Maybe it’s a location?”

“NYU.” Amar says it simply, with a shrug. He repeats it more meaningfully when we all stare at him blankly and his eyes widen. “Right! Chicago! I always forget. You’ll know nothing of geography…certainly you’ll know nothing about educational institutions.”

“Amar!” I snap as he rambles on. My heart is racing faster than his mouth though. He knows what the message means, which means we are that bit closer to finding Tris and bringing her home. 

He opens up a browser on his computer. “New York University.” He says quickly as he types it in. “NYU.” 

A page pulls up full of information about some sort of educational institution. We all freeze as we see a photo of David. He is being welcomed as a new Researcher of Genetic Purity. 

My mind goes back to the day I came back and was told Tris was dead. I knew that the memory serum had worked on the staff and yet I hadn’t seen David who I never would have allowed to walk free had I seen him, memory serum or not. “He got away.” I mutter. “He got away – son of a bitch! And he took her!”

Fury makes my blood run hot but I need to focus. “Show me on a map.” I say quickly. I think I remember someone saying something about New York and the East Coast but I had tried to push the memories of my time at The Bureau away so that I wouldn’t think about Tris. 

He pulls up a map on the biggest screen in the room. He taps two places on the far left and two dots appear, they are basically on top of each other. “This is Chicago and The Bureau.” He tells us pointing to first, the dot on the right, and then left. Then he touches the opposite side of the screen, another dot lights up. “This is New York City.”

My mouth goes dry. It takes hours just to get from Chicago to The Bureau. “How long?” I ask.

“We can fly you there in just under two hours.”

“We’re going to fly?” Christina asks. She punches the air. I can see her excitement bubbling over. Some of the tension that has been present in her for months is gone, knowing we are only hours from Tris. “Yes! Four you missed it last time. It’s…it’s amazing!” 

My limbs are going cold. Sure I handled the zip line but…flying? In an airplane? I had watched them take off from The Bureau before and I had watched them until they went so high that I could barely make them out. My stomach squirms just thinking about it. I had never told Christina or Zeke about my fear of heights, though I think that Zeke might know. 

Amar looks at me knowingly. “Anything else is going to take a minimum of twenty hours, probably more.” He says. 

“Why waste time?” Ty asks loudly. 

I smile grimly. “We’re not going to.” I assure them both. I wouldn’t take the chance of not getting to her in time just because I’m afraid. I’m much more afraid of losing her now that I’ve found out she’s alive. 

Three hours later, eight of us plus Amar are strapped into large soft chairs in the metal death contraption they insist on calling an airplane. Amar is seated close to me and he reaches out a hand to pat my leg. 

“We’re going to be fine Four.” He assures me. “It’s a short flight, just remember who’s waiting for you on the other side.”

I don’t respond but turn my head to the window. I dig my fingers into the armrest and Amar laughs at me. “We’ve not even gotten to the fun part yet.” 

Christina is sitting across the aisle, next to Ty, and bouncing up and down excitedly. I shake my head at her. If only I could convince myself to enjoy the rush of adrenaline instead of immediately going to my fight of flight mechanism. 

Just when I’ve gotten used to the gentle rolling and bouncing of the airplane moving slowly on the ground it stops, but only for a few seconds. There is an indescribable noise like thunder or ten trains all at once and all of a sudden we are hurdling forwards. 

My eyes widen almost painfully and my jaw clicks as I clench it. We are moving so fast that it feels like my back is glued to the seat. The other Dauntless around me are whooping with excitement but the one Erudite looks like she’s going to vomit or pass out. I look away from them and let out a loud gasp as suddenly I feel it. 

We had been rumbling along the ground but suddenly there is no more vibrating beneath me and it feels like my stomach drops out of my body. I jolt forward, breathing erratically. Amar puts a hand on my back and it’s like I’m back in time after going under in a simulation for the first time. 

I squeeze my eyes shut and press my head against the seat in front of me, shuddering. I sit bolt up right when I feel us tilting to the side and Amar seizes my arm. “Four, I promise you that we are ok.” He says straight in my ear. I give a tremulous nod but it’s hard to think with the pressure inside of my head. 

There is a popping sensation in my ears just about as we level out and I flinch. There is shifting around me but my eyes are shut. “Hey.” I open my eyes when Christina’s voice startles me. I can see by the softness in her eyes that she has realized. I try to quickly get control of myself, she shakes her head. “Don’t try to fake it on my account.” She says soothingly. “Listen, don’t think about what we’re doing right now. Think about why we’re doing it.” I swallow uncertainly and it sticks in my throat for a moment. “Think about Tris. You need to relax…you need to calm down so that you haven’t worn yourself out by the time that we land. Tris needs you to be strong, Four.” 

Christina keeps talking, and I kept my eyes locked with hers until I get my breathing under control. “Tris.” I finally whisper and Christina nods. I take a deep breath and sigh heavily. “Thank you, Christina.”

She shrugs with an easy smile. “We all have fears.” She tells me. “Though they’re easier to deal with when you actually tell your friends.” Her smile turns into a smirk. “And don’t worry, Four, after all I now have a lifetime of heckling and blackmail for you.” I smile wanely and she reaches to unbuckle my seatbelt. “Come on, we’re allowed to move around now and we need to make a plan.”

The group of us adjust the seats slightly so that we can gather around the schematics of the building that Amar brought. “How can we know that’s the right place?” Kee asks. 

“We can’t be sure.” Amar says tightly, “But it is our best guess. If she’s not here you will have to tear the city to the ground to find her.”

“And we will.” I say darkly. 

Amar shoots me a look but doesn’t bother to chastise me which I expect for a moment. He shakes his head. “At any rate, this is a research hospital. The quickest way in without ID would be if we went in a medical helicopter.” We all look at him blankly. “Doesn’t matter, you’ll see later.” He says. “Suffice it to say that I can get you to the roof but that’s all I can really do.”

I nod my thanks and turn my attention to the schematics. The building has thirty-four floors. I look around at my team. “What locations can we rule out?”

“Floors one through ten.” Hector says right away. “They’re the main hospital, not exclusively for research. If they are holding her captive then what they’re doing isn’t ethical. She’ll need to be hidden.”

I nod and Maggie speaks up. “Floors 11, 12, and 17 are bio labs.” She says

It takes us most of the flight to determine what order to search the floors in. We agree to do so in pairs so that no one is alone for any amount of time. In the end there are ten floors that we can’t rule out and so because we will be leaving the Erudite medics on the helicopter, whatever that is, to ensure a quick escape, there would be six of us going in and each team of two would search three floors to start with before converging on the last floor. 

Amar said that we should expect the building to be full of doctors and scientists working, so we are planning on stealth. Hopefully we will be able to get lab coats and no one will be any wiser for our presence, at least until we get to Tris. 

I barely notice the plane land. I’m too wired. I’m so close to having Tris in my arms again. We just have to find her first and we’re closer to that than we’ve been in months. For a moment I want to grieve the time lost, the time wasted but I shake it away. I need to focus.

We go straight from the plane to a waiting helicopter which, as it turns out, is another flying death contraption. Christina keeps a hold on my arm the whole time and I close my eyes, not wanting to see the city around us. Amar managed to arrange for lab coats for each of us to be waiting on the helicopter. We put them on right before we land. 

The last thing I check before I step off the helicopter is my gun. My heart is racing as I touch it beneath the lab coat. I can see the look on Christina’s face and know that she is as determined and eager as I am. We enter NYU from the roof and the group of us walk calmly down the stairs. Kee and Ty split off at the thirtieth floor, Maggie and Hector go at the twenty-seventh, and Christina and I go to the twenty-second. We make eye contact for just a moment before going through the doors.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16  
Tris 

I wake up on the bed. Someone must have moved me. I lay there for a while, tracing patterns on the ceiling. I don’t know what else to do. I could barely get to the sink; there’s no point in draining my body of its energy when pacing is never going to make me strong enough to get out of here. 

I close my eyes and imagine Tobias coming for me. I don’t know how far New York is from Chicago. He’s coming though, I’m certain. He’s coming with Christina and a whole army of Dauntless. I smile slightly, taking a deep breath. I just have to gather as much energy as I can before then. So I shouldn’t move. 

What if I’m wrong? The thought makes me open my eyes. They could have had me asleep for weeks after the last round of simulations, months even. If it had been that long then…Tobias wasn’t coming. He may not have understood the message. He may not even have gotten the message. 

A groan of fear escapes me and I sit up with a shudder. I can’t think like that. I have to believe that he is coming or I will give up all hope. I wince and bite my lip against the pain as I wrap an arm around my chest. 

My arms hurt as I stretch them out to the hem of my pants but I need to see the damage. I hiss with pain as the fabric rubs against my aching skin when I start to roll the hems of my pants up. 

“Oh my god.” I whisper. My legs are red and covered in huge blisters and scabs. The skin has burst open in places and I can see that I’ve been bleeding. The injuries are much worse than the ones on my arms. 

I close my eyes and lean against the wall. How will I be able to run if my legs are like this? I don’t think that adrenaline will be enough to keep me going, not for long anyways. 

I hear some scraping noises behind the mirror and I look over. I blink a few times when it becomes a window. Five people are in the room and I watch them scramble. Three of them are seated at the computers and I watch them curiously while they go through files. They drag little icons around and I’m reminded of when Mathew first made the tablet with my mother’s journals. 

They’re moving files. 

One of the other techs is gathering up papers that are scattered around the room. I wonder what information is on them and if they contain data about what they’ve been doing to me while I’ve been locked in this prison. For a moment, I consider what they have learned from torturing me but I shake the thought away. 

This part of my stay must be over. If they are getting rid of the equipment then they must not be planning on any more experiments. 

I’m not actually sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. If they were just all to disappear, take their research with them, and go, then at least they couldn’t torment me anymore. I could just wait for my faction to come for me. I grimace. That’s not a particularly Dauntless thought but I know that I’m not in any position to rescue myself. 

What if they aren’t planning to just leave me though? What if they plan to eliminate me along with all of the evidence of their data? I look around me. I have to find a way to protect myself. If I survived my worst fears come to life I don’t intend to let them just kill me. That isn’t going to happen in this lifetime. 

Though would an execution be the worst thing? If Tobias isn’t coming I could starve to death in a locked cell with no way out. Even on the off chance that they will leave the door unlocked, I will have absolutely no idea how to get to Chicago from here. Who could I trust for help to get me there?

I take a breath to calm myself. I need to stay calm and all the what-if’s aren’t helping me. Panicking about what might happen will only waste my energy and I might need that soon. 

The door is opened and Emma is standing there. I look up at her and she shoots me a glare. She doesn’t frighten me though and I raise my chin to show it. She looks more like a petulant child who hasn’t gotten their way than an adult who could be a threat to me, even in my injured state. 

“You betrayed me!” She says. Her voice is whiny and almost like a little wail. I can’t help myself, I let out a loud disbelieving laugh at her accusation. “Shut up!” She yells as she comes closer to me. “I told you how important this research was! I told you how much we were learning from you!” I cannot believe what I’m seeing as I notice tears in her eyes, though I try to look bored, or at least apathetic. “I thought you were my friend!”

“Emma,” I say her name to try to bring her back to reality because I’m not sure she’s here with me or in the fantasy world that she created. “I was shot six times and brought here against my will.” I speak slowly though I’m still not sure that she understands. “You and the team you’re on took me from my faction, _my family_ , have been mentally and physically torturing me for I don’t even know how long-”

“It was to learn from you!” She insists desperately, cutting me off and throwing herself onto my bed. “I thought you were my friend.” She practically whimpers with a sniff.

I glance up at the window but no one is looking so I assume that no one cares. “Emma!” I begin in a deadly quiet voice. “You are not my friend. Friends do not torture their friends. Friends do not let their friends starve!” I exclaim. My fingers itch and I long to lean forward and snap the neck of this annoying girl. 

She punches me weakly and I grit my teeth but don’t make a sound. I’m glad that she is so weak or that might not have been possible. She might even be weaker than I am even in my current state. 

Ok so that might be an exaggeration. 

“You lied!” She snaps at me as if that makes us even. “You lied and you told me you didn’t know how to use the tablet! You said you just wanted your mother’s journal entries!” 

“Yes!” I say with a laugh of disbelief. “Yes I lied! Because I need to get out of here! I don’t know when I last saw the people that I care about! I’m terrified that I will never see them again and I wasn’t going to just wait around and hope. I had to do something, I had to get out of here.” 

She looks down as if I have wounded her. “I thought we were friends.” She says again with a pathetic little sniffle. 

I realize that she convinced herself we were friends so that she wouldn’t have to feel the guilt of taking part in my torture; so that she wouldn’t have to feel the guilt of keeping me away from my faction, my family, and my home. I shake my head. She is a stupid deluded girl. 

I’m suddenly so angry that I shove her, hard. My arms burn with pain and it takes too much of my energy but I’m so disgusted that she would try to make me feel guilty for betraying her when she is the one who has had a hand in my captivity. 

She screams with surprise when she falls off the bed and lands on her back on the floor. She stands up with a glare and angry tears on her cheeks. “I hope the last experiment works.” She spits at me. “I was hoping that it wouldn’t because I thought that we were friends!” 

“What experiment?” I demand quickly, but she doesn’t answer as she storms from the room. “What experiment?” I scream after her as she slams the door shut behind her. 

I let out a frustrated groan and punch the bed. My heart is racing. My torture isn’t over but what does David have planned for the last experiment. He’s taking all of the machinery away and I expect that they are leaving too. How will he know if it works? I squeeze my hands into fists. This isn’t going to be good. 

They leave the light on in the observation room as they continue to work on the computers and pack up the supplies. I feel sick as I watch them. Not knowing what’s coming threatens to drown me. I close my eyes when I can feel tears gathering and I manage to hold them back with a shuddering breath. 

There was something about the way that Emma had said ‘the last experiment.’ It was like she had known exactly what the plan for me was from the very beginning, which would mean that I had misjudged her. 

Maybe my panic was for nothing. Maybe after the last experiment I will be free to go home. The thought makes my smile ruefully. Somehow I doubt that. 

Without having to be told, I feel like my death is approaching me and approaching me rapidly. Something has changed and I don’t think it’s just because of the message I sent out. 

Maybe they were able to track the message and saw that it was received. They may even have intelligence that it was understood. My heart races at that thought and I am filled with hope instead of panic. 

I clutch at the blanket on the bed as I stare at their frenzied organization in the observation room. I have to stay alive. I have to keep myself alive because something is changing. They are coming for me. 

He may already be in New York! He may already be here, in this building. My chest rises and falls heavily and I look through the window confidently. Emma had shaken me but I will not be cowed by her trying to scare me. I am a fighter. I was a fighter even before I became Dauntless. They will not defeat me, not when I am so close to escaping them. 

I start wiggling my fingers, trying to get the blood moving into them. I start to roll my wrists, wincing in pain, and then I flex my elbows. I let out a soft hiss as I start to roll my shoulders but I close my eyes, trying to ignore the pain as I loosen up my aching arms. 

I very cautiously stand up. My lips open in a gasp of pain but I bite back any other noise. I force myself to take longer steps despite the agony. My rescue could come through the door at any moment and I have to at least be able to walk. I continue to loosen up my arms as I walk slowly. I moan with pain when I can feel skin split. 

I stand still for a moment, letting the pain wash over me before I continue to walk back and forth. I keep my movements gentle, trying to protect the damaged skin while I warm my muscles and get them ready for escape. 

I sit down before I exhaust my muscles but I continue to flex the joints in my arms and legs, getting the skin of my knees, ankles, wrists, and elbows used to moving normally again. Every shift hurts but I force myself to keep going. 

The door opens and my head snaps up. I stand to fight the men who enter but they don’t hesitate by the door and by the time I’m ready to throw a punch they are wrapping their hands tightly around. I let out a loud scream and immediately go still, shuddering as the pain throbs through me, so bad that I think my legs will collapse. 

When another pair comes in with restraints I know that I cannot just stand there and accept my fate. I let out a growl, gritting my teeth for the pain that I know is coming before I jerk my knee upwards and straight between the legs of the man holding my right arm. 

I scream with pain at the same time as he does but he releases my arm with shock at the strike and I use the momentum of release to slam my elbow into the second man’s neck. He sputters as he releases me and my pumping adrenaline sends me flying away from him. 

The two men with the restraints run at me but I feint to the right before throwing myself on the ground and sliding between them. Another scream escapes me and I can feel skin tear and the slick feeling of blood on my skin. My entire body is erupting in agony but I have to keep moving. They will not experiment on me again. 

I force myself to my feet in a moment and I’m running again. The technicians left in the observation room are too stunned to move and I slam out of that room. I don’t pause to think of which way I should go. I don’t have time to think. If I pause to think, they will catch me. If I pause to think the pain will overtake me and I will collapse. 

My heart pounds faster than my feet against the floor and I push myself to go faster but I can feel myself slowing. I can hear feet pounding faster than mine behind me. I suck in a huge breath of air. 

“Tobias!” I scream, knowing that I have no hope if he’s not in the building. The sound comes straight from my gut and I stumble. I get my feet under myself again. “Tobias!” I let out another scream. 

I weave around a door as it opens but a hand reaches out quick as a whip and gets ahold of my wrist. I’m moving too fast and I shout with pain as my wrist catches, stretching my arm painfully before I am yanked by my arm to the ground. The air is knocked out of me and pain makes my body seize violently. 

The moment is enough. One of the men pursuing me pins me to the floor and I can do nothing but struggle weakly as he binds my arms to my sides. Tears leak from my eyes and I roll my head to the side so that they will not see. I can feel someone else binding my ankles. 

“Well that was pointless.” I hear David’s drawling voice but I don’t look at him. When someone picks me up I scream again. They do not care that they hurt me. The adrenaline is still pumping through me but it has no outlet and so my body trembles violently 

I am carried with all the dignity of the food sacks that Amity sends to the other factions and then thrown onto the bed. I bite down on my lip against the cry of agony and try to look brave as they attach the restraints on my arms to the bed. When I try to shift my legs I realize that they’ve done the same to my ankles. 

I finally force myself to look at David who is sitting on the edge of the bed, looking smug. Questions burn inside of me but I do not dare ask them. I want to know why they’ve suddenly decided to go to the last experiment. I want to ask what the last experiment is. I want to know if they think that Tobias is here for me. Any answer I can imagine makes me sick with fear and so I keep the questions to myself. 

I don’t flinch or retaliate when he touches my cheek this time. The time for defiance and petty rebellion has passed. Unless Tobias bursts through the door, he has me exactly where he wants me. I close my eyes with disgust when I see the look in his and I can tell by the feeling of his whole hand on my face that he is fitting is palm to the print that he left behind on my face. 

“Look at me Beatrice.” He instructs me coolly. I snap my eyes open and I know that he will see anger, fear, and resignation there all together. I look at him as if to ask what he wants from me now. He laughs at the look. “Our time together is just about over.” He tells me quietly. “It is sooner than I had planned but plans change. That’s really your fault.” I glower up at him, refusing to apologize for the message. “I want you to know something before the final experiment. I have controlled when you are awake, when you are asleep, your nutrition, your simulations, and your very life for nineteen months.” He smiles at me evilly. “I just want you to know that, Beatrice, that while you defied me, while you plotted your little rebellion. It didn’t matter, I have controlled everything.”

My heart is racing and I feel tears trickle out of my eyes though I hate myself for letting David see that weakness in me and I know that I will never own up to them. He looks away from me and nods. My head whips to the side as a technician walks towards David with a metal tray. 

He reaches over and picks up a delicate syringe and holds it before my face. I’ve only seen a serum that purple once. It had been a paralysis serum then, cleverly dyed the same color as Erudite’s death serum. My eyes widen and I tense recalling all the times I had been unable to take control of the simulations. What if I can’t fight it off?

David grabs my jaw gently and turns it to the side. His grip is too strong for me to turn away. I try to remind myself that I have overcome the death serum once before. I squeeze my eyes shut as I feel him slide the end into my neck and feel tears leak out as he pushes the serum in.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17  
Tobias 

Christina and I walk at a brisk pace through the first of our floors. We can see through windows in the doors but most of the rooms seems to be empty. I rest my hand on my gun beneath the lab coat. We throw open the first door without a window but it’s only a supply closet. 

“This is taking too long.” I mutter, jogging ahead, looking side to side for any sign of Tris...or David. Christina looks around cautiously before catching up with me. We search the entire floor as carefully as we can but I don’t want to waste precious time. I shake my head before I start jogging back towards the staircase with Christina on my heels. 

We run down the stairs to the next level. “Why do they have so many floors if they don’t use all of them?” Christina mutters. I shrug as I reach forward to open the doors. 

Then I hear it. “Tobias!” I think my heart will rip itself out of my chest. Then I’m running. The scream came from lower. It’s her. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. 

I hear Christina jump down behind me but I don’t glance back. “Tobias!” I throw open the door to the twentieth floor, sucking a big breath of air into my lungs, ready to call out to her. 

Christina slams her hand over my mouth and I grab onto her arm, whipping her around in front of me. “Christina what the fuck?” I growl. 

“Four if they hear us they might kill her. We need our advantage.” She hisses at me quickly, her nails digging into my skin. 

I yank my arm out of her grip but I know that she’s right. I look down the corridor to the left and then to the right. I hear another cry of pain and the sound of a struggle but the sound bounces, it’s like it’s coming from everywhere at once and for a moment I may as well be in my fear landscape.

My heart races and I breathe heavily. I look one way and then the other. I’m afraid of what will happen to Tris if I make the wrong decision now. “Split up.” I finally say. My voice sounds frenzied even to me but Christina doesn’t argue. She tries to look calm and like she belongs as she strides off to the left. 

I immediately go to the right but I certainly feel much more anxious than she looks. I have to remind myself to not touch my gun as I round the corner. I would have started opening doors but I see a group of people moving equipment from a door ahead of me on the left. 

I march towards them and one stares because he doesn’t recognize me. I whip my gun from my side and train it on the group. I’m fast and good with a gun, I could have them all dead on the ground before they have a chance to get to me. “Don’t speak.” I say in a rapid voice. My tone is flat and my eyes flash dangerously. “Drop whatever you’re carrying and get out of here or so help me I will shoot all of you.”

They don’t need to be told twice. They quite literally drop everything that they are carrying and bolt. “Christina!” I call down the corridor. I’m not very loud, knowing how the sound will bounce. 

I don’t wait for her though. I take a moment outside the door I had watched them leaving to ready my muscles. I kick the door open and quickly dodge out of the way but nothing happens. I come around the door with my gun raised. It’s a small room with a couple computers and a large window. 

For half a moment I’m frozen. A man sits on the bed, almost obscuring the figure that I came here for; the figure that I got into an airplane for. 

I burst through the second door and my brain works quickly. In a second I register the syringe in his hand and the color of the serum. In the next second, my gun is aimed at his thigh and I pull the trigger. 

The gunshot rings in my ears and he lets out a scream and falls to the ground clutching his leg. I kick him to the side as I run to Tris on the bed. 

“Tris…Tris I’m here…I came.” I insist to her as I sit beside her. My hands shake as I reach towards her. I want to hold her to me, I want to tell her that she’s safe but I’m too afraid to touch her. 

Her breathing is shallow and she doesn’t open her eyes. The needle is still in her neck and I feel tears on my cheeks as I carefully draw it out, dropping it on the bed. 

“Tris!” I don’t look away at the sound of Christina’s scream. “Oh my god…”

“Get the others.” I order her breathlessly. We need the medics. “I don’t know if we can move her.” 

I hear her footsteps running away and I shudder at the bruise on her face, a handprint. I hold her other cheek tenderly and I lay my other hand on her neck, running my thumb over her jaw. “Hey..hey come on…Tris open your eyes.”

She obeys me and I let out a sob of relief as I look into her eyes. I have to stop myself from yanking her from the bed and into my arms. It’s like she doesn’t see me though, or rather that she doesn’t understand what she is seeing. Her breath catches and under my fingers on her neck I can feel her pulse flutter and miss a beat. “You’re going to be ok.” My voice is insistent. 

Her eyes start to close again and I give her the gentlest of shakes. “Tris!” I exclaim. Her lips part as if she would cry out but now sound passes through them like she doesn’t have the strength for it.

“She’s dying.” David’s voice is an agonized growl. I had forgotten that he was there as soon as I had kicked him out of my way. “Same death serum as Erudite.” He taunts me breathlessly. It would have been much better for him if he had stayed silent and not reminded me of his worthless existence. 

I gently run a thumb over Tris’ cheek before I stand, looking down at David darkly. He doesn’t have the sense to cower. If he would cower, I may not be able to ignore the moral part of my brain that says not to attack people who are weaker than you. He meets my gaze as boldly as a man can when he is likely dying a slow death as he bleeds out. 

I reach down, slowly voiding my face of emotion as I grab onto the front of his shirt, forcing him to his feet. He cries out with pain as he tries to stand on the leg that now has a bullet buried in it and my conscience flickers to life for a moment but it is gone in the next when for an instant I imagine him in my place and Tris in his. 

His fingers dig into my wrists and he struggles against me but I barely notice. I pull him close to me and wrap my fingers around his throat. His eyes widen and his face quickly goes red as he tries to gasp for air. I wait as he goes from red to a sickly purple before I release his throat slam him to the side. A crack echoes around the room as his head smacks against the wall hard. 

Goosebumps rise to my arms at his cry of pain and I yank him towards me again, punching him in the gut over and over before throwing him to the ground. He’s not bold anymore. He’s lying on the ground sniveling and sobbing with pain, one hand clutching his head and the other pressed against his bullet wound. The pant leg is soaked with blood. I know in an instant that Tris showed more bravery over seven months than he has shown in seven minutes.

He pushes himself to his knees, coughs violently, and suddenly sputters as he retches, throwing up on the floor. “You’re not so strong when you’re not attacking girls half your size.” I sneer at him, circling dangerously. “You probably were so confident when it was just you and her. Did it make you feel strong to overpower her?” I spit. “You should have thought before you took her from us David, because Tris is part of a faction which is more than family. You are going to suffer for what you’ve done.” I kick him hard enough in the ribs to hear cracking sounds and he collapses. 

I turn away from the pathetic sight he makes on the ground and sit with Tris again. Her breath wheezes slightly and she’s looking at me more clearly. I touch her cheek. “Tris?” I ask gently. “Hey, do you know me?” 

There is no answer and I think to the color of the serum and what David had said. She’s dying. He used the Erudite Death Serum on her. I shake my head violently. I won’t accept that, I refuse. I didn’t come all this way; I did not fly twice to reach her only to have her die in my arms. Her eyes flutter closed and I give her a little shake. 

A breathless cry escapes her. Her voice is weak but I can hear the agony. “Oh god…” I whisper. “No…Tris…I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I love you.” I tell her desperately. “I love you, hang on for me Tris.” I beg her. 

I reach into my pockets and pull out a knife, sliding backwards on the bed. It is only in that moment that I see the state of her arms. The skin is red, blistered and cracked. She is bleeding in places where the skin has been ripped away. I touch her skin gently and I hear her breath catch. “Oh god, Tris.” I have seen members of Dauntless with burns from playing with fire and I have my fair few, but I’ve never seen it like this. 

I’m careful as I slide the knife under the strap and tug but as careful as I am I still hear her gasp just before the knife snaps the restraint. “Hey it’s ok.” I whisper to her as I hesitantly shift her just slightly to get the straps off of her. “You’ve gotta stay with me, Tris.” I murmur as I go down to cut the straps binding her ankles. “We’ll go back to Chicago and you can see all the work we’ve done in Dauntless.” 

I’m talking to give her something to focus on but I think it’s helping me too. If I stop talking I think that I might panic. I’m so afraid that she will die with me watching. 

I throw the straps to the ground and hover over her again. It’s like her face and eyes are hollow and she takes small, shallow breaths. I don’t notice the tears on my cheeks until falls one lands on her face. My fingers tremble as I wipe it away. “Come on, Tris.” I plead with her, gently caressing her cheeks, her brow, and finally her lips. “You can fight this. You’re Divergent, remember? Genetically pure – you can fight the serums, you just have to believe you can do it.”

When her eyes flutter closed I lean forward, caressing her hair and pressing my lips to hers. Her lips are chapped and dry but they are hers. I lean my forehead against hers when I stop kissing her. When I open my eyes hers are half-opened and I smile at her. “Fight it, Tris.” I whisper against her lips desperately. “You have to fight.”

I look up when the door opens and Christina runs over to Tris and I. She hovers over my shoulder with wide eyes. She looks as horrified as I feel. “Tris?” She asks quietly. I swallow thickly. I’ve never heard Christina sound so unsure. I glance down at Tris but she doesn’t react. 

“She hasn’t said anything.” I whisper to Christina as the others enter. I caress Tris’ cheek again. “I’m not sure she can hear us.”

I stand to allow Kee and Ty to get closer to Tris. Everything in me rebels at moving even an inch away from her but I have to let them see her. I pull Christina away. “Do we have a good way to get her out of here?” I ask, looking between Christina, Hector, and Maggie. 

“We’re going to need more than the wheelchair outside.” Ty says grimly. I wince as I look over at him but I nod. 

“Hector, go find a stretcher or a bed on wheels or something.” I order. “Maggie go with him.” They both nod and jog outside. “I need your help with him.” I tell Christina, nodding at David who is now unconscious on the floor. 

“He’s bleeding out.” Kee says distractedly as she walks to the sink. 

“How do I keep him alive?” I demand quickly as I start to drag him by his shirt. He starts to come to and yells with pain. I slam my hand over his mouth. 

“After what he’s done?” Christina demands. “Just let him die!” 

“Oh no.” I mutter darkly. “He only gets to die if Tris lives.” My breath comes quickly but my voice is calm. “I will keep him in agony until she is alright. God help him if she dies.” 

A thrill runs through me at the fear in his eyes as I drag him out the door. Christina follows after a moment and holds a wheelchair still as I drop him into it. I keep a hand on his chest to keep him from moving. Christina comes to my side with the restraints that had bound Tris to the bed. 

We secure him to the chair and Ty steps out with a torn strip of cloth. “We have to tie this around his leg if you want him to live.” I nod and take the strip from him. 

“You go back to Tris.” I tell him, needing him to prioritize her life. My voice is hollow and I wonder if there is a way for us to save her from the serum. Not caring about David’s pain, I bind his leg to cut off the blood flow. My hands shake and Christina reaches out to steady them. She doesn’t try to comfort me or tell me that it will be alright and I’m grateful for it. 

“Guard him.” I tell Christina. “Come and get us as soon as Hector and Maggie get back.” I can see right away that she wants to argue, that she wants to see Tris, to assure herself that as poor as she looks, Tris is still alive. 

If I were still Abnegation, I would send her in to do just that. I’m not Abnegation though, and as much as I try to be selfless when I can, I can’t be right now. I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t see her.

Ty and Kee are redressing Tris when I reenter. Her eyes are closed and she is limp in their arms. For a horrible moment it is like she has died all over again. “What-“ I don’t even know what to ask. 

“She’s still breathing.” Kee assures me. “Her burns are significant. We soaked her clothes to help with the pain.”

The pain? I want to scream. She’s unconscious and I’m fairly sure that she can’t feel pain. I need them to save her. “All of our supplies are with Hannah and James at the helicopter.” Ty pacifies me. “They may know how to help her but there’s nothing else we can do here.” 

I shake my head and shove past them. If she’s unconscious I don’t see much reason for waiting for Hector and Maggie to bring a stretcher. I bend down and pick her up despite Kee making a noise to protest. Tris lets out a cry but her eyes stay closed. “I’m sorry.” I murmur. “Stay with us Tris.” I grimace at the feel of her. Her bones practically bite into me. I barely recognize the feeling of her in my arms. 

I carry her out with Ty and Kee on my heels. I nod at Christina and she follows, pushing a groaning David behind us. The elevator beeps as we get to it and the doors open to reveal Maggie and Hector with a high bed. The rest of us duck in to join them. 

I hesitate when I know that I can set Tris down. Despite the unfamiliar feel of her bones so close to her skin and her disturbingly meager weight, holding her soothes me. I can feel her warmth and her weak breaths and I know that she is alive in my arms. But her face is still twisted in pain and I can only hope that laying her flat will make her more comfortable. 

Ty catches her head as I set her on the bed and he lowers her until her head is on the pillow. Maggie hits the button for the roof and I close my eyes, laying a hand on Tris’ chest as we begin to rise in the elevator. I let her breath relax me, reminding me that she isn’t dead yet and that we can still save her. 

The elevator stops at the top and we all get off; Christina pushing David and Maggie, Hector, Ty, and I gently rolling Tris’ bed. 

Amar starts the helicopter as soon as he sees us and the blades over our heads make our hair whip in the wind. Hannah and James jump out of the helicopter and run over to us. “He gave her your death serum.” I say almost accusingly even though I know that it was The Bureau who created that serum and not Erudite. James ignores my accusation but Hannah looks ashamed of her faction as they go to Tris on the bed. 

James tells us to lift the bed and he flips a lever that makes the wheels spring up underneath it. We slide Tris into the back of the helicopter and Christina and I jump in after her. Hannah and James join us while the others sit up with Amar, dragging David with them. 

I gently grab one of Tris’ hands as Hannah and James start to attach her to various machines. They work quickly but I don’t pay attention. I just focus on Tris face. 

I’m so focused on her that I don’t even notice as the helicopter pulls away from the ground.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18   
Tobias 

My stomach sinks out from under me but I don’t look away from Tris I don’t think about my fear of heights. I have much bigger things to fear now. Hannah and James work quickly, almost in a frenzy. It’s clear that they’ve both seen the Death Serum used before before, I try not to consider why, but they probably haven’t seen anyone respond to it like Tris.

“Have you ever saved anyone from this?” I ask them desperately. 

Neither answers right away. Hannah is absorbed in examining Tris arms, I expect to find a useful vein. James is hooking her up to an oxygen supply. I let my question slide by for a moment, not wanting to distract them. 

Christina is staring at her friend blankly and I wish that I could comfort her but I have no comfort to give. When James moves from the oxygen tubes to putting heart monitors on her chest I can’t stand the tension. “Have you ever stopped the death serum before?” I ask them in a loud voice. 

“I’ve never even seen it attempted.” James says bluntly, nodding to himself as Hannah slides the needle into Tris’ arm, clearly having found a vein that would at the very least serve their purposes. “I’m not sure it can be done.” He admits. 

“Don’t say that.” I snarl right away, taking an unsteady step towards him. “She’s Divergent, she is genetically pure. She can fight this off!” 

“Then all we can do is help her fight!” Hannah snaps at me, shocking me with her sudden anger. “We’ll keep her breathing and keep her heart pumping but I don’t know what else we can do.”

“Life support.” Christina says softly, recognizing immediately how they had kept Uriah alive in The Bureau. I can feel her losing hope beside me. Those measures didn’t work for Uriah. 

I put a hand on her shoulder and squeeze. “It’s not the same. Tris can fight this.” I assure her. 

“Uriah was Divergent too!” Christina exclaims quietly. “It didn’t save him!” 

“Uriah...was badly hurt, he succumbed to his injuries.” I say though the words hurt me because of the part that I played in his death, and the look in Christina’s eyes is guarded because Tris is hurt too. “Tris has been poisoned, that’s what’s...” My eyes flash as I can’t bring myself to finish the statement.. “Don’t forget, she had to have been exposed to the death serum to get into the vault. She beat it before.”

I see Christina’s eyes light up at the truth of the statement and the look on her face is almost enough to convince me that I’m right, that we aren’t going to lose Tris now. 

With the oxygen tubes in her nose, it seems like Tris is breathing more easily now, though the heart monitor still reads weak fluttering beats. “Her heart…” I say quietly. 

James looks around at a bit of a loss, throwing his hands into the air. “We can’t operate in a flying helicopter.” He says right away. “Even if we could, the equipment that we need isn’t in any of the storage in this thing.”

“What do you need?” I ask readily. 

Hannah scoffs as she works on treating Tris’ burns but James speaks to me. “Besides a full surgical suite?” He asks with exasperation. He sighs with a shake of his head. “There’s a piece of technology that we could use. It’s a small device we would have to put in her chest...in her heart really to ensure that it keeps beating.”

I grab a headset off the wall and set it over my ears. It connects me directly to Amar. “Still twenty minutes out, Four.” He tells me as soon as he can hear that I’ve turned it on. 

“Hannah and James say that we need a surgical suite.” I tell him quickly. “They need to put something in her chest to force her heart to keep beating.”

“You’ll risk the autonomy of Chicago in this if you take her to a hospital.” Amar says slowly. “But they should have enough that you can improvise in the infirmary at the airport.” 

I don’t like the sound of improvise but I know that Tris would never forgive me if I risked anything to do with Chicago for her. “Fine.” I say shortly. “Can you get us the hardware? They say it’s something that we ….that they could put in her heart, keep it beating.” I mutter into the microphone. 

“I’ll do my best.” Amar assures me. 

I take the headset off and toss it on the bench beside me. James is looking at me expectantly. I draw my breath to speak but my eyes flash to the monitor screen as Tris’ heart skips a beat, then skips again a few moments later. 

Suddenly the beeping rhythm stops and the machine lets out a long tone. The sound is deafening in my ears because I know what it means, Tris’ heart just stopped. I am mute with terror but when Christina screams “Tris!” it echoes in my ear. 

Hannah starts pushing hard on Tris’ chest, abandoning the gel that she had been putting on her burns. I am frozen as I watch them. James reaches for a unit on the wall and starts hitting buttons. “What is that?” My voice doesn’t sound like mine. 

“It will restart her heart.” Hannah says in a growl, clearly working hard. “Come on, Tris.” Her voice is low. She looks at me with a glare. “You need to help us if you want her to live!” 

Her words jolt me from my disbelief and I jump to my feet. “What do I do?” I ask them quickly, coming closer. 

“You need to hold onto her nose and breathe into her mouth.” James says, pressing two paddles against some sensor on the wall. “As deep breaths as you can manage.”

I obey instantly. Crushing my lips against hers and breathing for her. The long tone doesn’t stop. I wish I could plug my ears against the sound but I am using my hands to hold Tris’ head, to give her air. 

I breathe for her four times before James yells. “Get back, don’t touch her.” 

I back off instantly and as soon as we have, James presses the paddles against Tris chest. There is a buzzing noise and all the sudden Tris arches her back off of the bed with a gasp. 

The loud tone is replaced with rhythmic beeping. I let out a heavy sigh of relief and almost collapse as the adrenaline flees my body. The rhythm is stronger than before and Tris might even be breathing deeper. I sit back heavily onto the bench and let my head hang for a minute before I look back up. 

“What were those things?” Christina asks breathlessly. 

“Electric paddles.” Hannah tells her. She’s a little breathless too. “They shock the heart back into beating.” 

I shudder and shake my head, clearing the fear from a moment ago away. I lick my lips which are suddenly dry. “Amar says that we can use the infirmary at the airport.” I relay the information quietly. “He’s going to try to get whatever it is you need.”

James looks at me a bit doubtfully. “For her sake I hope he does better than try.” He says. “If we don’t get it, we should prepare for a lot more repeat incidents.” He nods towards the monitor which makes it very clear to me that her heart will stop again if we don’t have something to keep it beating. 

“Oh my god were you raised in Candor before your choosing?” Christina asks in a sudden, sharp voice. 

I can’t help it. The tension in my body suddenly comes out as I let out a helpless laugh, shaking my head. My hands are shaking and I realize that my laughter probably looks an awful lot like hysteria. “Christina.” I manage. “You were Candor before your choosing!”

She looks at me with disbelief, as if she can’t believe that I am laughing at a time like this. When I can’t get control of myself, the absurdity makes her lose it too and she starts to giggle helplessly, punching me in the arm. “Yeah well, at least I made the smart choice.” She gets out, forcing herself silent.

I flatten my lips into a line as I look at her in an effort not to laugh. “The smart choice?” I whisper. I nod towards James and Hannah who are working again. “I thought that’s what their faction was for.” 

Christina’s eyes widen and she lets out a hysterical giggle, slamming a hand over her mouth. I hear a scratching noise coming from the headset and I pick it up, putting it over my ears. 

“Hello? Anyone? Is everything ok back there?” Amar is demanding. 

I swallow heavily, sobered by his question, running a hand over my face. “Amar.” I say to let him know that I’ve picked up the headset. “We’re ok as we can be now.”

He can hear a somehow renewed exhaustion in my voice. “Four, what is it? What happened?”

“Her heart stopped.” I breathe with a shudder. They were words I never thought that I would say. “Just get us to the airport Amar.”

“Less than ten minutes.” He assures me. “Just sit tight.”

I take the headset off and tell them that we are close to our destination. James holds out his hand for the headset and I hand it over but don’t bother to listen to the list of supplies he rattles off at Amar. I have to start thinking about what we will do. I hadn’t planned for what would happen after we got to her. I don’t think that I ever thought we would find her in a condition this bad. I hadn’t allowed myself to think that way. 

I had been naive and I had been foolish. I thought that we would go in guns blazing and that as soon as we got to her I could put a gun in her hands and we could fight our way out together. I don’t think that I could have been any farther from reality. 

When Amar lands the helicopter, there is a truck waiting to bring us all to the infirmary. My own heart is pounding as I hover anxiously over Tris, listening to her heartbeat. 

At the medical center in the airport we are given two rooms. Hannah and James take Tris and David in, asking Ty and Kee to join them but the rest of us are left in the outer room. I resent the fact that David will be treated in the same room as Tris but if he’s going to suffer for what he has done then he needs to be kept alive. 

I can’t sit still. Hector and Maggie look anxious but only insofar as they have come what may as well be a million miles away from home and they don’t know what is going to happen. No Dauntless likes to fail a mission and if we lose her now we will have failed. I shake my head and clear it, looking to where Christina sits and fidgets with her knife, anxiously scraping at the dirt under her nails and the dry skin on her fingers. 

I stand up from the chair that I had occupied for all of ten minutes and start to pace the room. Amar watches me passively. He lets me go back and forth several times before he speaks. “So what happens after this?” He asks gently, nodding towards the door. 

I look at the door and back to him. It’s a stupid question. “We get her home and we fight for her until she is strong enough to fight the serum off on her own.” I tell him, not willing to think of any alternatives. 

Amar looks at me doubtfully. “Four we don’t have evidence that she can just fight this off.” He points out to me gently.

“We found her alive.” I maintain stubbornly, annoyed at his tone. “That means she survived this serum once and it’s all the evidence we need to say that she is capable of doing it again.”

“She was in peak condition last time.” Amar rebukes me. “David held her for months. We can’t be sure what exactly he was doing and even if we knew, we have no way of knowing how it would affect her, how it has affected her.”

I stop moving, I want to round on him and scream that he’s wrong. Unfortunately he is making sense. 

Before I can speak, Hector interrupts. “I have their files.” He says, pulling a hard drive out of his bag. “I don’t know if this is all of it but when I saw it lying on the ground I thought we could use it.” 

I stare at the device for a few minutes. Do I want to know what Tris had to suffer for nearly eight months? I shudder but have to remind myself that knowing might mean the difference between Tris living or dying. “Is there a computer on the airplane he can use?” I ask Amar. He nods. “Send the files to Dauntless as well, Zeke can help you go through them.” He’ll be glad to be able to help.

When Hector stands I can see the weariness in him. When was the last time that we had proper sleep? I scan my group. Maggie is half asleep in her chair and Christina is struggling to keep her eyes open. “You should all go back to the plane.” I decide. I need to do what’s best for my team. “Take turns resting and going through the data.” I will send the other four as soon as they come out of the other room. 

Hector gives Maggie a hand up and I can see her smile gratefully at me. I had forgotten how young she was. Maggie, Christina, and Ty were all no older than seventeen. I watch the pair of them leave but Christina is still sitting stubbornly in her chair, though sitting straighter now. “I’m waiting with you.” She says firmly. She holds herself with tension as if it will keep her awake. 

I nod and turn back to Amar. “I have to keep hoping she will fight this off.” I say quietly as I go back to pacing. 

“As you should.” Amar says passively. “All that I’m trying to say is that you have other options besides going straight back to Chicago with her in this state.” I look at him as if to prompt him to share those other options with me. “She should go to a research hospital.” Amar says. “Somewhere that specializes in cases that no one has seen before.”

“Research is what is killing her.” I say, sinking down into a chair. “I won’t send her to another place that just wants to learn from her.”

Amar doesn’t speak again though I can tell that he wants to and the time inches by. Every sound makes me look to the door, hoping that someone is coming out with news. How long have I been waiting? How long have I been awake? 

It was a Tuesday when Roisin shared the message at the meeting…we searched The Bureau the next day. This morning we landed in New York. I look at the clock. It’s almost five o’clock now. Three days. 

Just the knowledge that I have hardly closed my eyes in the last three days has my eyelids feeling heavy, ready to close. As soon as they do I hear the door open and I open my eyes. Snapping my head up. 

I stand, Hannah looks exhausted and she doesn’t speak right away. Finally, a small smile curls the corners of her lips. “We’ve done it.” She says quietly. “We can keep her heart beating.”

I let out a breath that I didn’t know I had been holding and behind me I hear Christina let out a sob of relief. I reach over to gently rub her back. She’s exhausted and has been incredibly composed through all of this. She has been far more composed than me. 

She stands beside me and I wrap an arm around her, squeezing her tightly once. “You need to sleep.” I whisper to her. 

“Can I see her first?” That’s the question on my mind too and I look to Hannah. 

“The others are finishing up, just give them a couple more minutes, alright?” She says. 

Christina and I both nod but I walk over to Hannah while Christina sits back down. “Thank you.” I manage to say to the Erudite quietly. “I know you all need to rest but can I talk to you first?” Hannah looks exhausted, so much so that I think for a moment that she will say no but she nods. “If we got together a list of supplies could we fly her to The Bureau?”

Hannah considers my question in silence before nodding. “We’ll need to give her say eight hours before leaving but yes we could do it.” She runs a hand through her hair and I can see it tremble with weariness. “We’re going to take shifts monitoring them so that each of us can get six hours of sleep. If there are no complications, we can leave afterwards.”

“Get the list together for me and I will make sure we have everything that you need.” I tell her before she has a chance to leave. “I’ll wait up.” Truth be told I’m not sure I will be able to sleep even with as exhausted as I am, I just need to see Tris. 

Hannah nods. “Let me just check if they’re ready.” She says gently. She goes back into the room but returns only a minute later. “Ok, you can come in.” She tells us, Christina standing to her feet. “She is still unconscious but you can see her.” 

Christina and I go into the brightly lit room and she runs ahead of me, sitting on the edge of the bed. A blanket is brought up under Tris’ arms. She looks pale and thin and weak, but a steady hiss and slow rise and fall of her chest tells me that she is breathing. 

Even better than that is the steady, even beeping that monitors her heartbeat. I sit down on Tris’ other side, holding her hand in mine. For a moment I’m back in The Bureau when they showed me her body but I shake that thought away. Tris is alive and I’m going to make sure it stays that way. 

Someone shakes my shoulder and I blink rapidly, sitting up. I don’t recall leaning over or shutting my eyes but in a moment I realize that I must have laid my head down on Tris’ bed and dozed off. 

My head spins and I close my eyes for a moment to steady myself before I turn to look at Hannah. She is holding a sheet of paper out to me. “We need all of that if we want to leave in six hours.” 

I take the paper and glance down at my watch. Nine o’clock. That means we will be able to leave at three in the morning. I stretch and nod to Hannah so that she knows I will take care of it. 

I look across Tris and see Christina on the other side of her in much the same position I must have been in. She is breathing deeply and I smile slightly. I reach over and nudge her. “Go to the airplane.” I tell her. “You’ll sleep better.” She looks like she would argue that she wants to stay so I shake my head. “You need to tell the pilots that we are leaving at three. They need to get the plane ready. I don’t want any delays.”

I walk around to join her and we head head out of the room. Christina is unsteady on her feet after a meager two hours of sleep and I put a hand on her back. I glance back at Tris before we leave. It might be just me but I think that she might look stronger than she did before. 

Amar is slumped over in one of the chairs and I shake him awake as Christina leaves to alert the pilots, steadier now as she shakes herself awake. “We’re leaving in six hours.” I tell him without preamble. He groans slightly as he wakes up and I give him a minute to adjust. “Christina is going to let the pilots know, but Hannah gave me a list of supplies that we will need for the flight.” I hold the paper out to him and he takes it, blinking a few times. 

“I’ll take care of it.” He mutters. “Have you slept?”

“For two hours.” I tell him. “I’ll meet you all back at the plane. Everyone else is there sleeping.”

I don’t give him a chance to ask where I’m going because all I do is go back to Tris. When I enter the room, James and Hannah are hooking her up to a big piece of equipment. “What is that? Is she alright?” I ask quickly. 

James nods quickly. He looks more alert after his two hours of sleep. “I was coming to relieve Hannah and let her get to sleep but on the way back I saw this.” He’s looking at the machine proudly but I don’t understand. My face must show it because James sighs. “It cleans the blood. You told us he injected her with the serum. In theory this should help.” 

My eyes widen. I had been hoping that Tris would find the strength to fight the serum off herself. But this treatment might mean that she doesn’t have to. I go to sit next to Tris and gently take her hand in mine. “Thank you.” I say quietly to both of them. 

Hannah leaves as soon as they start the machine and I grimace as I watch the machine begin to draw her blood from her arm. James nods, though, clearly satisfied. He glances at me thoughtfully for a moment. “I am going to check her vitals about every half hour but I’ll leave you alone.” I glance over at him gratefully and he looks uncomfortable for a moment. “There’s no good evidence for this; but you could talk to her, it might help.”

I don’t respond right away and James turns to leave the room “Thank you.” I finally manage quietly before turning my attention to Tris.

By three in the morning, the machine has finished its job and been put away. I help wheel the bed through the medical center and to the plane while Kee follows with David who they have kept sedated at my request. I never thought that I would feel so relieved to see an airplane but we have what we came for and now we’re going home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, I am edited through chapter 29. Basically I'm going to update weekly, but a couple comments may convince me to give bonus chapters. 
> 
> There's your incentive


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